Jobi the poop

5 ((Jobi 4 Prez 2k16))

"I'm gonna beat the shit outta Hillary Clinton!"

Jobi had been informed that a new president would be elected next year. Jobi disliked all of the candidates because they weren't him. He knew just how to solve this problem, and he knew just how to find a candidate he liked, one who would bring great prosperity to the United States of America.

"Running for President? Sign me the FUCK up!" he exclaimed as he watched Fox News on the tv. Sabrina was becoming worried. She wasn't sure whether Jobi would be a good president. He would make the world go downhill. At least he was  better than Donald Trump...right? Hell, she wasn't sure he would be better than Donald Trump.

He made his way to his tiny desk, and wrote to the White House.

"Dear Prez,
Yo boiiiiiii, the name's Jobi, I am 21 years of age, but I heard about the election next year, sounds cool, I'll make tons of cash that I can throw in people's faces, if I win I can yell "TOLD YA I WOULD BE FAMOUS MA!!!", so to summarize this all up, sign me the FUCK up m8!
-your awesome and hip homeboy Jobi"

He mailed the letter to the White House and got a letter back a week later-

Dear Sr.Jobi,
What a professional letter! Thank you for wanting to be a candidate. Though you sound quite trustworthy and like a decent candidate, we must decline your request. Please avoid using language in letters, again, we are sorry. Also, you are too young to be considered for a candidate, Sir. We sincerely hope you prosper in life, and maybe you can attempt to run in the future. We look forward to it!"

He screamed on the top of his lungs, went back to the beach, blasted Kanye as he wore sunglasses and screamed "SWAG M8S", and had a seagull take him away once again. "TAKE ME 2 THE WHITE HOUSE BOIIII" he screamed at the bird, and it did so. "THX M8!!!!" he yodeled, and he entered the White House, still yodeling. He entered the Oval Office and saw the president, Obama, sitting in there.

"YO OBAMA," he screamed, "WHAT'S UP BRUH?! I'M JOBI, AND I TRIED TO BECOME A CANDIDATE BUT I WAS REJECTED!!!! ISN'T THAT INSANE?!?!?! I SHOULD BE PRESIDENT BECAUSE I AM A GOOD PERSON, AND I CAN TURN THIS NATION INTO THE BEST ONE YET!!!!!!" He was furious, and he threw a guava at Obama. "SEE THE GUAVA, FEEL THE GUAVA, TOUCH THE GUAVA, HEAL THE GUAVA" he sang to the tune of See Me, Feel me by The Who.

Obama jumped out the window and ran away. The White House nearly exploded, and suddenly, a man ran in, looking at  Jobi in horror, his arms and legs shaking wildly. Then, he stopped, and a wide grin appeared on his face as he took out a pen and paper and handed it to Jobi.

"You have great debating skills," he said. "Congratulations, you're our newest candidate."