Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, so that's why Jobi finally admitted he had a hand fetish.
"Swear on your life you won't tell a single soul, Jabi, okay?" the small piece of shit asked the one year old. Jabi would probably tell everyone if she could, but she can't talk yet.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said a few seconds later. "Thanks, Jabi, you've always been my number one whore. You're the bomb.com." He kept driving–which was miraculous, since he doesn't have any hands. He was making the car drive using only his willpower and determination.
"You know what?" he said after a long period of silence. "I have a total shitload of money loaned to me that I probably won't spend on my campaign because I rely solely on donations, so let's spend it all, Jabi!" He grinned. "But what do I spend my money on? A few cases of Heineken would be good, yes, but I want to buy something extraordinary. Don't get me wrong, Heineken is extraordinary..."
Suddenly, he had an...astonishing?...idea. "Shit, fuck recovery, Jabi, you know what? I'm gonna satisfy all my fucking needs and build a Hand Museum, filled with photos of hands. That's it. Just photos of fucking hands to satisfy my weird ass hand fetish."
Jobi drove to Trump Tower and threw a bomb at it. The building exploded, and a bunch of police and firemen showed up. "Sir," a police officer asked the piece of shit, "why in tarnation did you bomb Trump Tower, resulting in the deaths of 300 people?"
"This is a perfect place to build my Hand Museum for people with hand fetishes," he answered. "Now get moving."
"What the f-oh my Lord, alright, I'll call construction workers. Hey, sir, aren't you the running for-"
"That doesn't matter," he said.
"Okay," the police officer said. He called some construction workers, and they began building the HMPHF (Hand Museum for People with Hand Fetishes) of Jobi's dreams.
*Author's Note*
Guys! I am so sorry I haven't updated since May! I feel terrible, gah!
I've been playing Pokemon Go a lot (caught Snorlax!) and I've been on my main account, becca__5000 . I'll try to update as frequently as possible! I know you've missed this shitty story ;)
Until next time,
Becca
~
YOU ARE READING
Jobi the poop
RandomThe adventures of a piece of poop named Jobi. © "Jobi the poop" was created by @i_love_ralph_macchio. This story is mine, the main character is not. And I'm warning you, this story is really stupid.
