Inconsolable

Chapter Eight - Great. Just fucking great.

I groaned tossing over because the sunlight beaming through my curtains felt like torture. Why do I even drink?? I just end up feeling like shit. I stretched out my arm to feel for Chris and eventually found him and shuffled myself up to him for a cuddle. But he felt different, I couldn't just mould into his body like usual I had to shuffle again to get comfy. Even then, I still wasn't comfy. I decided to open my eyes slowly and-

"AUBREY WHAT THE FUCK?!!" I shrieked shooting up sending a shrinking pain through my head and placed my palm on my forehead as I tried to adjust more to the sunlight and to be fact I was laying next to Aubrey

"Ugh. Robyn. It's too fucking early" he grumbled in an adorably sexy morning voice

"We fucked right?" I groaned shrinking back into my pillow

"Yeah..." He muttered probably sensing I was pissed at him

"We've talked bout this. When I've had vodka I want to fuck everyone and to not let me fuck you" I climbed over him, and dressed myself so I could pull him up and drag him out of bed which I did but awkwardly and after a short minute Aubs decided to finally chime in. I know he's not a morning person but seriously,

"And you know that I can't not fuck you. I can't control myself with you Robs" He yawned

"Try harder then!! If Chris saw this-" I grumbled as we walked out onto the landing, Aubrey bare chested and I pant less

"If Chris saw what?! Is? Who gives a shit what Chris sees!?" Aubrey groaned grabbing a hold of me causing me to turn to look at home

"I give a shit. Aubs. He makes me happy, sure we have our lows but what fucking relationship doesn't?" I retorted as he looked to the ground. Why do I always snap? This is the problem. My temper is too fucking short...

"Aubrey." I paused for a good few minutes pulling my bottom lip in and putting my hand up to them. "You don't- you just don't- I ddeserve Chris. Chris and I are meant to to be ya know? Me and you aren't. You- you're ttoo good for me" the atmosphere went dead as he took in all that I had said

"Why do you deserve him? He's a dickhead towards you. You don't deserve that Robyn. Why do you always think you were made for each other? It's a load of bullshit"

"Oh fuck off Aubrey. You know full well I love Chris with all my heart. I'm sorry but that's the way it is and that's the way it's staying" I scoffed folding my arms

He paused for a minute looking intriguingly at me as if he was trying to figure me out "And what the fuck do you mean I'm too good for you?" He stepped forward intrusively as I took a step back and shrugged

"No what do you mean?" he pushed stepping closer to me again

"Aubrey stop" I said warily holding my hand to his chest as I took a few steps back until I felt a little safer

"Sorry." He looked down to my hand "what did you mean?" He said a little softer putting his hand in mine

"You're too nice and caring and you're so loving. I'm not used to that. That's what I meant" I mumbled awkwardly taking my hand back and we apprehensively stood there

"You should probably go before Chris comes" I sighed folding my arms as he looked up at me with that same hurt filled expression he had given me yesterday.

"Yeah... Okay" he said despairingly as he made his way downstairs, and I watched the heart shattering sight as he left closing the front door behind him. I felt a strange sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I went through to the living room and slouched on the sofa. I sat there trying to remember what happened last night. I know I practically threw myself at him, but I don't remember the actual bit.

I was so lost in thought I hadn't even realised my phone was ringing but I managed to answer it before it stopped ringing.

"Baby where the fuck are you??" Chris' worried voice boomed through the phone

"I'm at Melissa's" I replied bluntly

"Fuck! You had me so worried Robyn" The sound of his voice made me cringe. Why?

"Sorry" I shrugged

"You alright bae? You sound down? Missing me?" I hated the way he'd do that. Make my feelings about him. I'm happy because I'm with him. I'm down because he's not with me. Can I not be happy because I want to be? Or be sad for the same reason?

"Yeah" I laughed halfheartedly

"Well I'm on my way baby"

"Okay. Well I love you" I tried to lift a smile from my pout that seemed to be ever plastered on my lips

"Me too see you in a bit babe" he then cut off the phone line

"See you in a bit" I whispered effortlessly.

I sat around waiting and waiting and waiting for Chris. He was taking his sweet time as per usual. I didn't want to see him but there was no avoiding it. I love him with all my heart but I can't help but doubt us. Maybe Aubrey's right. Maybe I don't deserve Chris. But again I don't deserve Aubrey. I am stuck. Stuck in the middle of happiness and settlement. I don't know what to do anymore. Emotionally I am done, mentally I am drained, spiritually I feel dead and physically I smile. 

Those thoughts were knocked out of my mind when Chris arrived, I leaped up to answer the door and flung my arms around him. I may doubt us but I will always have this indescribable feeling when I see him or hear him. I love him man. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe it was me who wasn't good enough for him.

"Hey baby" Chris chuckled nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck making me weak at the knees

"I love you so so much Chris! I'm sorry" I admitted almost bursting out in uncontrollable tears

"It's forgotten baby, I shouldn't have let you get out. For that I'm sorry" he mumbled and kissed me as his words surprised me. Did I just get an apology?? An apology from Christopher Brown? Fuck. Lemme treasure that for a moment.

"Have you got everything??" he glanced over the few bags he had taken off of me and looked up as I nodded "let's go then"