A Million Trillion Billion (What's Eating Gilbert Grape Fanfic) *ORIGINAL*

Chapter 13 - Anxiety Attack

"Janielle!" "Janielle!" My dad bellows from downstairs. I race down to see what he wants. "Come with me, I've got a surprise." He says with a sly grin. I follow him, feeling unsure.
He leads me outside where Uncle Dan is about to cross the road.
I know what's coming next.
"UNCLE DAN!" I try to scream. But nothing comes out.
I try again, but before I know it, he's stepped on the road and Jimmy slams his foot on the gas.
"NO!" I try to scream. Nothing. Not even. Whisper.
What's wrong with me?
I run to Uncle Dan. He's not there anymore.
I stand up and all of a sudden the floor beneath me caves in.
I'm falling down. Down and down.
I scream as loud as I can, but no one hears me. I can't even hear me.
I land on the table in the cafeteria at school.
Everyone I know is standing around me.
They all mutter the same thing.
"Die you worthless bag of shit, nobody loves you."
Over and over.
Becky, Leon, Arnie, Ellen, Gilbert, Amy, Edlyn, Mom and Dad, even some of my teachers, Jimmy, Marcus, the whole lot of them.
I can't take it. I block my ears.
I fall back into the table as the room starts to spin.
"I KNOW!!!!!" I yell back at them.

I wake up with a start. My heart races a million miles an hour, I can't breathe, my mouth feels so dry.
My blood runs cold.
I jump out of bed and run into the bathroom.
I shut the door and lean against the sink, trying to catch my breath.
"Come on, in, and out. In and out." I say, trying to breathe like a normal person again.
It only makes it worse.
My head feels fuzzy at the back. I feel like the room is closing in on me. I shake my head abruptly and start to pace back and forth.
"It's okay, you're okay. You're okay." I whisper to myself.
"I'm not okay! Oh my god!" I say my thoughts aloud. "Oh my god oh my god I can't breathe! Why can't I breathe?!" I say, clutching at my throat.
I frantically turn on the tap and splash my face with water a few times.
My cheeks are warm, and the water does nothing to cool them down.
My throat feels scratchy from hyperventilating.
Each breath is shallower than the last.
My heart thuds in my chest, my head buzzes.
I start to feel my hands go numb. I shake them and squeeze them hard.
"What is happening to me?!" I exclaim. I shove my hand in my mouth and nervously chew on my knuckle. I perch myself on the bathtub and my legs start to shake faster than anything I've ever seen before.
I feel like crying my eyes out, but it's like the tears won't come.
A shiver runs down my spine and the numbness spreads all the way up my arms.
I breathe violently and quickly.
I can't take this anymore.
I run out the hall and run into the backyard.
Fresh air always helps calm me. I'm hoping it will right now.
I pace back and forth again, underneath the tree. I bite my knuckle harder, and my ankles lose feeling.
It climbs up my legs, and then my back.
I run back inside. "Help!" I shout out.
I feel so guilty and so horrible for waking them, but it's almost like it just came out of my mouth.
Am I dying? What's happening to me? Is this a dream?
"Help me!" I scream.
I'm currently on the kitchen floor, as my whole body goes numb, from my toes to my tongue. I continue to hyperventilate and my heart continues to speed along.
I hear thudding footsteps, and Gilbert and Amy appear from upstairs.
They look incredibly panicked.
I'm on the floor, not able to move and Amy instantly gives a look of sympathy.
Gilbert gives a knowing look and he picks me up and sits me on the couch.
My arms won't move. My legs won't move.
It's getting harder to inhale each breath.
"What happened Janie?" Gilbert calmly asks, kneeling down in front of me.
My legs go off again, shaking like cheetahs in a race.
"I-I don't k-know." I stutter. "I w-woke up and I c-couldn't breathe." I spit out.
Gilbert frowns, as he listens.
"My head f-feels fuzzy and my whole b-body lost feeling. I c-can't stop shaking and I c-can't breathe." I say, shaking hard.
"Somebody p-please tell me what's h-happening to me!" I exclaim.
Amy and Gilbert look at each other.
"Were you having any sort of stressful dream?" Gilbert asks. "Y-yeah, Uncle Dan died and everybody told me to kill myself." I say, taking in another quick breath.
"Okay. I need you to relax." Gilbert says. Amy sits down next to me, calmly smiling. She rubs my back in tiny circles.
I try my hardest to stop the hard breathing. It's impossible.
"I think you're having an anxiety attack Janie. I've had 'em before. They're 'orrible." Gilbert nods, with a concerned frown.
"R-Really? I've h-heard of those." I say, still shaking and choking on breaths.
"Yep. Okay now, breathe in." He says. I obey, pushing my stomach out. "Hold it." He instructs. I hold it for a good few seconds. "Now slowly, breathe out." I do so. "That's it." Gilbert says with a little smile.
We do this breathing exercise 20 times through, and at the end, my shaking has reduced and I can feel my legs and back again. "Now, drink this whole glass of water." Gilbert says, handing me a glass of water.
I down it in no time. All that quick breathing must have made me thirsty.
"Now, all you can do, is sit it out." Gilbert instructs, getting up and walking into the kitchen.
"It's just the adrenaline running through your body. It can't last longer than 15 minutes or so." Amy says, with an arm around my shoulders. She pulls my hair back out of my face and rubs my arm affectionately.
"Thank you so much." I say, bursting into tears. "It's okay Janie." Gilbert says, coming back. He hands me a sandwich.
I bite into it, gratefully. "Yeah, it's just okay. It's not your fault. And it's awful. So awful." Amy says, nodding. "Amy had it as a teen." Gilbert says, sitting on the couch too. "I did. When dad died." She admits, a sad look in her eyes.
"We'll get through this, if you have one again, you know who to call." Amy says, pulling me into a hug.
"I love you guys." I say, with a sniffle, wrapping my arms around both of them.
We watch the sunrise out the window. Apparently it was only 5:34 when I woke up.
It's about an hour past that now.

"Snap!" Arnie exclaims again, slapping his hand onto the pile of cards in front of us. Ellen throws her cards onto the floor where we're sitting. "I give up! This is bullshit, he wins every time!" She groans.
"Watch your language." Gilbert says from the kitchen. "Watch your idiocy." She retorts.
"Does anyone feel like a trip to the beach?" Becky asks. "Yeah that sounds really relaxing." I say, putting all the cards into one pile and tying them with an elastic band.
"I can't... I've got... Work." Amy says. "But you guys go have fun." She smiles. I frown. "Okay, are you sure?" I say. She nods. I look at Gilbert, and he shrugs.

We are all crammed into Gilbert's truck. "Ow Arnie!" Ellen says, squashed in between Arnie and Leon. "Shut up Ellen." Gilbert says, frowning.
"Look here we are!" Becky says, pointing outside as we roll up to the beach.

We have a really nice relaxing afternoon. I chase Arnie along the shore and we both fall into the waves.
Ellen and Leon go on a walk down to the rocks. Becky and Gilbert get ice creams for every one. We build a giant sandcastle.
And I can forget about the trouble in my life for a while.

I'm sitting up in my room, writing. Ellen bounds up the stairs and into my room, big grin on her face. "Leon asked me out!" She exclaims, sitting opposite me on the floor. "Awesome!" I say, my eyes lighting up at the sight of her joy. "I'm so happy!" She says with a tiny squeal of excitement.
I hear banging footsteps coming our way. A flustered Gilbert stumbles into the room.
"Gilbert?" I get up. "Is everything alright?" I ask him, he wipes sweat from his forehead. "It's Arnie. He's passed out on the floor, Amy thinks he's had a seizure." Gilbert says in between breaths. I feel my heart drop to my stomach and a lump form in my throat. "No!" I cry, tearing down the stairs and running towards Arnie, laying on the floor near the dining table, completely out.
I kneel beside him. "Arnie? Can you hear me?" I say, touching his shoulder gently. "Arnie?!" I say, a sob escaping my mouth. "Oh Arnie." I bury my head into his chest, crying my eyes out. I feel a warm hand on my back, I turn around to see Amy there. "I've called an ambulance, they're on their way." She says, tears in her own eyes.
Gilbert, Ellen and Becky come down the stairs.
We all sit on the floor in silence. Waiting.
Waiting for help.
Waiting for hope.
Anything.