A Million Trillion Billion (What's Eating Gilbert Grape Fanfic) *ORIGINAL*

Chapter 14 - Don't Let Go

"Janie? Gilbert?" A muffled mutter comes from one side of the room. "Arnie!" I say, immediately standing up and going over to his bed. I wrap my arms around him, closing my eyes. "What happened Janie?" He asks me, not letting go. "It's okay, you're okay. You just need to rest." I say, holding him tighter. "Why am I in the hospital?" He says, and I pull away, looking into his fearful eyes. "Arnie, you just went to sleep for a little while. You're alright though now." Gilbert says, looking at me knowingly. "Okay Gilbert." Arnie says.
Then he bursts into tears. I hold onto his hand with both of mine, sitting in the chair next to the bed. "I'm so scared Janie." He says, looking at me for help.

Gilbert and Amy are currently having an interview with Arnie's doctor, and Becky, Ellen and I were told to go home. Arnie and I had a tearful parting and the car ride home was silent.
"We should try to do something to take our minds off it." Becky says, pacing back and forth on the carpet in front of the couch. "Like?" Ellen says with a spiteful look. "Like... Invite Leon over and have a party!" Becky says, putting a semi-fake smile on. Ellen thinks about this. My facial expression stays blank, and my eyes stay locked to the floor. All my brain can think about is Arnie. Worries and fears flood me, replacing every other thought I had. We're not allowed to see Arnie until tomorrow and Gilbert and Amy have to stay at the hospital over night, because they're he closest thing to his parental figures.
"Janie?" Becky says. I look up, my thoughts being interrupted. "Should we invite Leon over? He's always been able to cheer you up when you're down." Becky says with a sympathetic look. I shrug and nod. "Yeah, I don't mind." I mutter.
Becky and Ellen walk over to the phone, and I'm left with my worries again.

"Okay, you gotta blow on them, otherwise they'll take longer to dry." Ellen says, taking Leon's hand and blowing on the newly painted nails. Becky is on the floor in fits of laughter. I managed to crack a smile, and open a bag of chips which is now empty and in the corner of our room somewhere.
"Dude how long does this take?" Leon complains. "Only like, 2 minutes. Don't worry, you look like a beautiful princess." Ellen says. Leon's eyebrows drop into a frown. "My hopes and dreams have been fulfilled." He says sarcastically, making a jazz hand with his free one.
The phone starts to ring. I bolt down the stairs to get it, just in case it's the hospital. I pick it up, and say a breathy hello. A familiar, rough voice comes out the other end. "Janie?" It says. "How did you get our number." I say, angrily gripping the phone in a matter of rage. "I know people. How ya been babe?" He says. "What do you want Jimmy?" I cut him off. "Come back to my house tonight. We still have that project to finish." He says bluntly. "No. Something's come up. I can't." I say, wishing for anything else in the world but to go to Jimmy Sullivan's house. "Well, I'll tell you what I know about your 'Uncle Dan'." He says, in a huff. I don't reply. My sweaty fingers almost lose grip of the phone, as I realise how tightly I was holding it. "Fine." I say, and hang up.
I shove on my boots and a coat. "Becky. I'm going out. I'll be back in an hour." I yell upstairs, closing the door and stepping out into the cool breeze.

I make my way up through the village, and knock on the door. Jimmy opens it, with a grin on his face, and steps to the side so I can walk in. It's warm in his living room, so I take off my coat and lay it on the couch. "Sit down." He says, offering me to take a seat on the couch in front of the fire. I obey, sitting in an armchair, on top of my coat - almost as if in fear he'll take it.
"Coffee?" He asks, walking to the kitchen. I clear my throat. "Um- no thanks.." I say, baffled by his kindness.
A few minutes later, we walks over and sits on the three seater couch just next to me, a steaming mug in his hands. "So your uncle. I assumed that's why you came?" He says, like he knows something. "Tell me. Tell me what you know." I say, with a frown. He sighs, putting his mug down and a serious expression washes over his face.
"Spring. 2 years ago. Daniel Parker died." He begins, not looking at me, but instead watching the fire crackle. "Now do you know why?" Jimmy asks. "His co workers killed him." I say. "Do you know why?" He takes a sip of his drink. I think for a moment. I know they were annoyed he got the job - being in the state he was. "Jealousy?" I finally say. Jimmy shrugs. "Partly." He says.
He turns to face me. "Now, what I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone else. Got it?" He says. I nod. He sighs, sitting back in his seat, rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache.
"My father was a highly successful business man. He'd been doing it for years, ever since he left school. 3 years ago my ma discovered his alcohol problem. She'd been denying he had an issue until she found an empty bottle of vodka sitting on his bedside table one morning after he got home late. She tried to get him help but he insisted he was fine." Jimmy takes a deep breath, and another sip of his drink. I don't say anything. I process this new information, listening intently with great curiosity. "A year later, he'd gotten much much worse. That's around the time his boss employed your Uncle Dan. My father would come home in a rage most days, rambling on about how 'Daniel' did this and that and got a promotion for supposedly doing nothing. My father was jealous, but mostly because his father always told him he'd never amount to anything. He'd never be number one. He'd always come second at best. So when Daniel moved up in the business more in a month than my father did in several years, of course it hit a soft spot. His dad abused him, and he's never forgiven himself for not being a better son in his eyes." Jimmy stares at the fire as he speaks. The look on his face is fearful, painful and sad. I imagine that's how he looks at his dad these days. "One day, my Dad drank so much tequila. He drank 3 bottles, then he was on his way to work, and thought he'd pick up Dan on the way. He wasn't thinking straight and when he saw Dan wave to him from the side walk..." Jimmy rubs his forehead again. "...when he saw Dan, he sw-swerved the car to the left and he.. ran him over." I gasp, tears in my eyes. Shocked, I grip the collar of my shirt, still listening. "He passed out immediately, and a by stander calf the police. That's when they showed up at your front door and that's why my dad is prison until he dies." Jimmy concludes. "I'm so sorry." I sob, covering my face with my hands. "Don't-" Jimmy says sternly, and I look up at him. "It's not your doing, or mine. It's just what happened." He says, with a blank expression. "Now." He says standing up. "I'm going to-" I cut him off by standing up and hugging him. I'm surprised when he wraps his arms around me. I pull apart. "Thank you. For telling me. You're the only one who ever has." I say, holding his shoulders. He gives me a smile and a nod. "I'll see you at school." I say, grabbing coat. "Bye Janie." Jimmy calls out as I leave.

Back at home, I sit in silence as the other three intensely play a game monopoly.
"Doubles again!" Leon says, moving his character. He lands on Ellen's red property. "Hah! That's got 2 houses, pay up." She says, Leon hands over the money, and Ellen adds it to her stack. "Janie?" Becky says quietly, turning towards me. "Okay?" She asks. I nod. Then I shake my head. "I'll just be one second guys." She says to the other two.
She leads me outside and we sit on the porch. "I thought you were still mad at me." I say, looking at the ground. "Oh, no Janie of course not. I understand. And I can't be mad. Not after what happened yesterday." She says. I look up into the starry night sky. "I went to Jimmy's again." I say, not dating to look her in the eye. "Why? What does he have to offer you? What is it that's so interesting that you must keep going there?" Becky says in a huff. Then she sighs. "We're you working on the project?" She asks. I look at her, eyes filled with shame. "He rang me up. So I went. He told me his father was guilty... Of murdering my Uncle." I say, slowly. Becky's face fills with utter shock. "Oh my dear God! What?! Wh- I don't...." She trails off. I wouldn't know what to say either. After a long silence Becky speaks again. "You're not sleeping with him are you?" She says, quietly, afraid of the response. I stand up immediately. "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF SAYING THAT?!" I shout. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS? ARNIE IS THE BEST FUCKING THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND YOU KNOW THAT. SO WHY WOULD YOU ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE?! IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK?! DO YOU THINK I'M SOME WHORE?! Oh yeah, my boyfriend's in hospital, pity. I should just go have sex with THE GUY WHO FUCKING BEATS HIM UP!" I walk off, ignoring the hurt expression across my best friend's face. I head back inside, and go straight upstairs.

I toss and turn all night, and after a few hours, the voices of my friends die down and I finally drift off to sleep. My dreams are filled with guilt, shame and regret.
I feel guilty for going to Jimmy's house. I feel guilty for not being with Arnie at the hospital. I feel guilty for yelling at Becky. And I feel guilty for not saving my Uncle Dan.