Chapter 37: Now I'm stuck
Its been like this for a while. Everyone's made of paper you can just blow down. We all keep something from each other. It all starts with one thing. Maybe it wasn't meant to happen. Or, maybe fate was just that peculiar. Whatever it is, it happened and now I'm stuck.
Stuck where I don't believe any of this could be possible. Stuck where I don't even consider them human.
I waited and waited and waited till they left me in the kitchen. They stayed and watched me for a while after he had told me what they had done. What they had done to me. It's funny actually, I thought everyone was good in their own way. But, I don't see how this could possibly be good.
There's been this bitterness that's been growing inside me. It started the first break up Jason and I ever had. Now it has grown and I can't take it anymore. I can't let it keep growing. I have this feeling that if I let it grow more I won't be able to control myself.
I continued to stare at the clock that ticked each second of every minute and each time I looked it was a new hour. Then suddenly it became a new day and so on. I used to think time made us wait, made us think. But, time flies. It waits for no man. And now all I want is more time. More time, time to heal. Time to grow. Time to move on. It doesn't keep us waiting, it keeps us unstable.
I felt everything on me like I couldn't breathe. I felt this pressure over and over and over again. Like there was something luring around me trying to make me feel everything and it was both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.
It replayed over and over and over and over again in my mind. I wasn't only thinking about them. I was thinking about him and all the things he had said to me. And all the things I once believe true were untrue in so many ways shaped in possible.
"Sarah" someone whispers softly.
I look up at the woman who I called my mother and stared blankly at her.
"What's wrong honey?" She asks me giving me a worried glance.
"Life" I say simply.
I get up from the kitchen table that I have been sitting at for two days straight. I didn't feel pain like most people would have but I was rather numb. I didn't think that was a good sign at all. I think people need to feel pain because without it we wouldn't feel real. Feel alive. But, I didn't feel real and I didn't feel alive I was a walking corpse.
He walked away and I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything. I had given up and I wasn't strong enough to fight especially without any guns or bullets.
It all went by fast too fast.
"Sarrie" a voice says.
I look up at him. "What" I say fiercely.
"I know your mad-"
"No, I'm not mad" I say sternly.
"Okay, then-"
"I'm hurt ,Liam. I trusted you to protect me that's what big brothers are suppose to do. That's what you were supposed to do and you didn't. You didn't protect me and you let me down. I'm not mad because you failed I didn't" I explain to him and walk away to the bathroom.
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