Troubled One

Chapter 10

// Under by Alex Hepburn //

Chapter 10

It was finally the day. Peeta choked back tears as he looked himself in the mirror, blue eyes gleaming with tears. He was pretty sure he looked pretty sloppy, with red, swollen eyes and dark eyebags. He sighed and walked to his bedroom door, holding up his fist to twist the doorknob and go to the funeral of his beloved girlfriend.

He couldn't.

Peeta took a step back. He couldn't just go to the funeral and let Katniss go. Not like this.

He had to find out who killed her. He needed to find out who A was. Then he could let Katniss go in peace.

But his bubble burst when the door flew open, regardless of how hard he telepathically told his family to beg the Everdeens to call off the funeral.

"Peet, you ready?" Rye stood before him, a hand on the doorknob.

Peeta wiped at his tears furiously, not letting his brother see him cry. Rye was always making sure Peeta acted like a man in any circumstances.

"Hey, dude, it's okay to cry," Rye said gently. "I won't make fun of you. Not today."

"Let's just go." Peeta ignored his brother's kind words (which did not come easily, mind you) and grabbed his phone off his bedside table.

Rye held his hands up in mock surrender and led Peeta downstairs, where his whole family was waiting.

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting," Peeta said softly. "Let's go."

They all slowly walked out the door without a word. Peeta went second last, after his father. After Simon locked the door, he seized Peeta's arm.

"Kiddo, don't stress yourself out too much. Think of this as a way of letting Katniss live her life on the other side," Simon encouraged. "I'm sure Katniss would get angry if you hold her back, right?"

Peeta just nodded. He couldn't tell them he didn't want to let her go just yet. He also couldn't tell them why he was so unwilling to let Katniss go. If he told, he died. A would make sure of that.

"No, she wouldn't," Peeta shook his head. "I'll be fine, Dad. Come on, everyone else is waiting."

"I'm proud of your progress, Pita Bread," Simon smiled at his youngest. "I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks, Dad." Peeta murmured before following Simon to the car.

***
The funeral was the only public function Peeta had ever dreaded in his life. He was never one to be shy. Even as a child, Peeta was an extrovert. He never kept quiet, and always made sure everyone had a good time. But now, someone else had to be the clown. Peeta just wasn't feeling up to it.

When he stepped out of the car with his family, the people scattered outside the church went silent. Some looked afraid, and others only had pity for him. He hated both looks on these people. Whispers rose among the crowd when Peeta approached Mr Everdeen.

"Peeta! You're finally here," Mr Everdeen patted Peeta on the back. "My wife wants to talk to you. Go on in."

Peeta nodded solemnly and made his way inside the church. He saw Mrs Everdeen wiping her tears slowly as she spoke to a group. Peeta recognized them to be his and Katniss's closest friends. He walked up to them.

"Peeta, you're here!" Mrs Everdeen drew in a deep breath. "You all will sit in front. Katniss would've wanted to be close to you guys."

"I'm sure, Mrs Everdeen," Finnick said softly. "We're all really sorry for your loss."

"All of us here lost Katniss," Mrs Everdeen smiled sadly. "She was special, she had a place in everybody's hearts."

Especially mine, Peeta thought.

"I need to speak to her grandmother now," Mrs Everdeen stood up straight. "She's freaking out."

"Of course, go ahead." Thresh nodded.

Mrs Everdeen detached herself from the group and walked away. Peeta faced his friends and bit his lip to prevent from bursting into tears. Annie wrapped her arms around Peeta's neck and hugged him tightly.

"It'll be okay, Peet." She whispered.

When they pulled back, he tried to smile assuringly but it turned out to be more of a grimace. Johanna squeezed his arm.

"Katniss wouldn't have wanted any tears," Johanna reminded him. "She was never one to be sentimental."

"Katniss also would've wanted us to celebrate her life, instead of mourning her death endlessly," Clove continued. "Let's just accept that she's somewhere having fun on the other side."

So they settled down, all attempting to retrieve the happiest moments they have had with Katniss, and tried to smile at the thought of it. They all knew this was what Katniss wanted. Katniss wouldn't have wanted tears at her funeral, she would have wanted laughs and smiles. She would have wanted people to celebrate her life, her happiest moments, her sparkling moments.

And all that mattered to Peeta was only what Katniss wanted.

***
"Hey, you wanna join us for some drinks?" Finnick asked after the service.

Peeta shrugged and walked out of the church with Finnick. They were silent as they watched cars breeze past. Finnick jammed his hands in his pockets.

"I completely understand that it's hard for you," he said. "And you can join us whenever you want to. You know where we'll be."

"Thanks, Finn," Peeta smiled gratefully at him. "I'll see you later. Hopefully."

Finnick grinned back and walked away towards Annie, who was waiting for him by the church doors.

Peeta pulled his phone out and informed his family he would much rather be alone before strolling towards Katniss's favorite place in District 12 - the meadow.

He remembered the way she smiled when they came here together, hands intertwined and hearts overflowing with love, joy and affection. He recalled the sweet smell of her hair, and the scent of her perfume. There was nothing he could forget about Katniss. Every memory stood out sharply.

He stopped when he reached the meadow and inhaled deeply, hoping against hope he could catch a whiff of her.

But there was nothing.

Why did she have to leave him?

🔶🔷🔶🔷
well katniss's funeral happened 😌 thank god A didnt spoil it 😹

anyways let me know if you like this chapter, and also leave some feedback. criticism only, no mean comments! 👌

i put up a picture of the liars standing over a coffin, and its just a representation of what this chapter is about :) i also left a song for the chapter, do check that out 🙆

That shit, it tears me up 💋

-A 💖