You Saved Me (Emison Fanfic)

Ch. 14 - Ripple Effect

***AN: so I am writing and posting for FanFiction and Wattpad (linadanielle13 for both) and I'd like to say thank all of you for reading and leaving your thoughts, and yes I realize I cannot please everyone and I'm sorry if you once liked this story but are no longer a fan...sad to see you go. And for those fans who are still with me, thank you!

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Emily's POV

I know something is wrong. And it's not that fact that my speech is difficult right now or the clock on the TV is about five minutes fast...I just know, I can feel like- like- okay, maybe I don't know but something is wrong. Something is missing. Not just my memory, or the spoon for my pudding, not just Alison, something is- is just not right. It's almost palpable, like it's in the air around me.

It doesn't help much that my mind is free since Ezra and Toby left after Dr. P came in to get them. He had a weird face about him, he looked uneasy, and I opened my mouth to call to him but remembered how long it took to ask him for some more water earlier - I'm still thirsty - so it was pointless to try to get something out of him that wasn't meant to be shared with me anyways. Any time I tried to say something meaningful, it ended in a series of coughs and grunts. Like a chain reaction to one simple gesture people did everyday all the time, a whole ripple effect of chaos started, and all I wanted to say was 'water.'

The boys have been gone for a few hours and I feel an unease wash over me, I barely 'met' them, yet I can tell that they loved my friends, Spencer and Aria, but I feel guilty that I can't remember meeting Toby for the first time or the help Ezra offered me when he was still a teacher at...Rosewood High? Yeah, that was the high school we all went to.

I'm frustrated that I'm bed ridden, that I can't form a coherent sentence without stumbling over my words, frustrated that my brain is trying to search through my head and find memories for me to remember, things I should know. My mind is crowded with guesses of who I am, who my parents were, why I can't feel like I miss them even though I know I should, who my friends are, was I closer to one of them than the others, what did I like to do when I had free time? I couldn't make something up and give in to a false dream, and hope that I could come up with something that would suddenly pop out as the truth and I could hold on to. I was interviewing myself and no matter where my mind searched, it had no answers. So the only thing I could hold on to right now were Alison's words before she left:

               "Em, I - I love you. And not as just a friend, I love you more than that, and before all of this you said you loved me too. And we, we were together, as a couple, you and me. And I can't imagine living without you I love you so much, but this is close to it. Living while watching you like this, this is what I deserve for being so cruel to you before, for being such a bad person. But none of this is your fault. I love you and you loved me and because you loved me, you're sitting in this bed."

I should've 'woken' up and stopped her, I should've asked her more questions: who was -A, what happened before I woke up? I should've asked her to stay with me, but I didn't, I thought that maybe that was easiest, but sitting here, alive but the furthest from living my life, whatever that is or was, is harder, I know that for sure.

I just wish, the pounding in my head would stop, I wish Alison told me more, I wish I knew where she was, I wish she would just call...not that I would know what to say, I just want to know she's okay.

I didn't realize it before but now our matching jewelry made sense: her locket, which she said had our picture in it and the mini Eiffel Tower charm and my matching bracelet. I can't believe the time that I had it I hadn't even seen it, I didn't closely at any part of it, I just knew it was there and I was content with it.