You Saved Me (Emison Fanfic)

Ch. 22 - What If

AN: you guys are amazing, the reviews I received for the last chapter was the biggest response I've gotten from any one of my stories in over a year...I think since one of my cliffhangers in ISIKYW?? Anyways, I really appreciate it. Some of you complimenting me and my writing, that seriously makes my day, you have no idea how happy that makes me. And for those of you leaving reviews about what you think and what you want to happen in the story, some of you sound so passionate and genuinely waiting for the next update, thank you. You are all the best, and trust that if I could meet you in person, you'd get a big ass hug and one of my signature goofy grins.

xo Lina

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Emily's POV

Caleb took us back to Wren's place in silence. I was fully aware of what had happened and I had known mostly why; the sounds of the branches overhead triggered another...flashback; well that's what Dr. Pearson said I should call them, so I guess that's what they were now. But the thing about these flashbacks of my life before the....accident, because that's what we're calling that too, is that my nightmares always feel just as vivid...so how was I supposed to know what was real or not? Made up or memory?

The only reason I knew this one wasn't a twisted way of my mind filling in the blanks was because Alison told me about it before I even remembered. She beat my brain to what felt like was the literal punch.

She tole me on more than one occasion that I saved her, that she left to get help and it was one of the hardest things she had to do. But if it was so hard, why did she keep leaving? She left that night in the barn right, that's when she said it all started. She left the first time before I tracked her down to -A's lair and again when I was dying.

Those weren't nightmares yet just as terrifying as if they were.

When I wake up each day, from a nightmare or not, I tell myself that today will be better, that each day that passes, is time that passes, and that I'm healing. I'm not expecting some miracle where suddenly I wake up and realize that things are back to normal...whatever that was.

No, I just want to wake up and know what I'm doing, what I want, I want to have a purpose. I want to know who I am.

So in the minutes we spend walking back to Wren's place, I stay silent. Absorbed in my head again...my mind, mostly empty, yet managing to find a way to always keep me awake at night.

I wondered if it was the same for anyone else? Did Mona and Ali remember the place we were all kept? Do Caleb, Toby and Ezra torture themselves with all the what-ifs about the girls? I don't know, and maybe I never will.

I've only ever heard my own screams.

Ali was close behind us, maybe 5 steps away, and I could occasionally feel her staring at me. I may have put her through more than I anticipated I would. I feel guilty for backing away from her, guilty even for blurting that I remembered.

In the span of a few seconds, I watched the hope in her eyes flare up and distinguish. I know why. She was hoping that when I said that, that what I remembered was everything.

She thought that maybe I was her Emily again.

And I wish I did have everything come flooding back to me...but it didn't.

She was wrong.

One memory and I had to calm myself with the rocking and chanting and clutching my jeans; that was hard enough. I couldn't imagine the strength I would need if it all came to me at once.

But for Alison, for me, I wish it would've. Remembering the day we escaped, that gave me back part of her Emily. The Emily that doesn't question the feelings she has for Alison, the Emily that loves her irrevocably. I got a piece of her back and I couldn't be mad that that Emily put us here.