You Know You Love Me (Book one)

Chapter 31 ~ Final Chapter

Troye's Pov

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine. Don't worry, nothing is wrong." I comfort her through the phone.

"I'm always going to worry, Troye. You know that."

"I do, that's why I love you so much. I gotta go." I say barley audible.

"I love you, honey. I'll talk to soon."

"Bye."

I put my phone on the bathroom counter. I look at myself in the mirror. All I see are dull blue eyes that lost their shine. I see a permanent frown, I can't remember the last time I felt genuine happiness. It's been so long. I mean, if anything, it'll last a few minutes, but then I remember again. I don't want to do this anymore.

"Why do I even try?" I finally gain the confidence and open the medicine cabinet, eyeing the multiple bottles of pills, some prescribed, some not, it's not going to matter in few minutes anyway, so why care.

I take the fist bottle, quickly opening it. This is the right thing to do, Troye and you know it. I empty the pills into my hand, "I love you Tyler and I always will. Never forget that." A tear slides down my face. I put the small objects in my mouth and swallow them dry, almost throwing up instantly, but I hold it down. I do the same thing to the next 6 bottles, by bottle 7 my body started to numb, exactly what I wanted. I put down the empty bottle, picking up my blade. I almost immediately put it to my skin, pressing it down, cutting deeper than I even had. I do it once, twice, three times until there are lines all the way up my forearm, I then move to my other arm.

It was then I noticed Tyler knocking one the door, telling me to let him in. If I knew I would put him through all of this then I would have never of asked out. He doesn't need this. I started getting dizzy, I knew I was going to faint, but I also knew what I was going to say to Tilly when I wake up, if I wake up. And I was praying to God that I didn't wake up. Then it happened Tyler broke through the door, but that was also when I completely collapsed. 

He fell to his knees, shaking me, hoping that it would keep my eyes open. I could feel myself losing the war against the blood loss and the pills in my system. My vision was blurry, I could hear Tyler's muffled cries and pleas for me to stay will him. It didn't work. 

"I love you, Tyler." are my last words, before my eyes close for the last time. I could finally be happy. 

Tyler's Pov

"But why does he keep fucking doing it. I mean, I get why, but...Hannah, he stopped fucking breathing, what if they can't help him?" I violently run my hands through my hair, there were tears running down my face. "I can't loose him, Hannah. If I do, it's gonna be my fault. I didn't act fast enough. I could hav saved him."

"Tyler, don't say that, you're not the one to blame, and you never have been and you most definitely never will be." Hannah takes my hand. "Just take a breather Tyler, okay. You need to calm down. He was fine once and he will be fine again. Okay?"

"Okay." A few minutes went by and nothing happened, then finally a doctor came out asking for Hannah and I. We get up and walk over. The doctor told us that they got his heart beating again and that they got the pills out of his system, but it was going to be at least a few days until Troye really woke up. I was confused, "So, he's in a coma."

"Basically, though he may wake up occasionally, if that happens he will be very confused and more than likely slip back into, as you said, a 'coma'. It's normal for people to do this when they just tried to commit suic-"

"Yeah, we get it." Hannah cut him off.

"Anyway, I would recommend going home, like I said it's going to be a few days at best." He wrapped his arms around his clipboard. "Yeah, no, I'm staying with Troye. Hannah will get me some clothes from my house please, and my phone, laptop and chargers."

"Yeah, that's fine no problem, can I have the key to get in?" I dig the key out of my pocket and handed it to her. She turned to leave, but I quickly stopped her and wrapped her in my arms. "Thank you...so much, Hannah." She squeezed me tighter then turned around and left.

"Take me to him, please." The doctor led me through the hallways of the hospital. It didn't take too long until we were at his door. The doctor told me that nurses would be in later to check on him, he said that I could sleep in the spare bed as well. With that he walked away, leaving me in front of Troye's door.

"Let's do this." I turn the handle and walk in, my heart sinking as I did. He was lying completely still, breathing steady. I walked to the side of his bed and sat down. I run my hand through his dark hair, I feel my eyes tearing up, then soon tears falling. "I love you, Troye. Please wake up soon." I said this everyday I stayed in that hospital, then one morning I woke up to two voices, the first one deep and raspy, but the second was beautiful, angelic almost. I immediately knew who it belonged to. I sit up quickly, "Troye?"  He turns his head. "Tyler," The doctor looked from me to Troye a few times before walking out.

"I love you so much." I smile as the tears start pouring down my cheeks. I run over to him, taking the frail boy in my arms. He loosely wraps his arms around me; I press my lips to his. But when we kissed, there was something different, not bad different, just different.

I pull away. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk." I furrow my brows. "Umm, okay, what's up."

He opens his mouth but nothing come's out, instead he starts crying. "Hey, hey, what's going on? Tell me what's up."

"I-I can't do this anymore. Us, I can't." my heart stopped in my chest. I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak, my body shut down completely. "What?"

"I love you so much Tilly. But being with you is making me remember and remembering hurts so much. I don't know what else to do."

"What?" is all I can muster.

"This is temporary, once I figure all this out, I promise you I will come back, I will come back and we will be together for good. But, right now I can't, I need time to figure everything out. If when I come back, you don't want to do this, I'll leave, but just remember I will never stop loving you." By now we were both balling our eyes out.

"I-I understand, and I will always love you, I'm never going to stop loving you. Just please, please, please if you're going to figure things out, do it fast. I don't want to live without you." I take his hands in mine.

"Are you okay?"

"I mean, I don't want this, I don't want you to leave me, but I understand that if this is what you want right now, then I have to be the good best friend and give it to you." I sniff, and the tears keep falling.

"I love you so much, Tilly. Never forget that."

"I love you too." I pressed our lips together, it was the worse kiss I've ever had, worse as in all the emotions that were in it. Sadness, despair, hope, love, and longingness. But I didn't want it to end. Then he finally pulled away. I got up, quickly packing up all my things; I walk to the door, grab the handle and open it. I didn't turn around though, I couldn't bare looking at him, so I walked out, I walked the entire way home, why? I have no idea, it just kinda happened. But as I'm standing here, at my front door, all I can think about is the promise he made to come back to me, and how I will be waiting for him until he does.

I wipe the tears from my face, "You better come back, Troye, because you know you love me and you know I love you."

To be continued in book 2 ~ Do You Still Love Me