Skinny Love

Chapter 3 - Enjoy The Silence

What if.

My blood always freezes at the mention of those two words together. They are a dangerous combination if you don’t watch out. Make sure the sentence is a safe one before you proceed to use those two words. Is it really worth all the worrying and overthinking they inevitably are going to lead to? No? Then don’t start you’re sentence with those words. They have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

What if my father hadn’t left?

That is my terrifying what if sentence. I can’t seem to let that one go, without really realizing it I ask myself that question every single day. In one way or another I question my life, I question how big of an impact my father’s choice really had on me. Would I have been any different or would I‘ve had other interests influenced by my father? How much have I missed out on, am I the way I am because of him?

Am I ever going to get any answers? No, because nobody can really know how an alternative reality would actually look like. We can speculate and discuss all we want, but in the end it won’t get us to the destination. In my opinion all that does is makes our travel to our real destination that much longer, if you just keep going into dead ends your journey takes a lot longer. Is it really worth that?

“Hi, Sweetheart.” Like always I’m woken from my daydreams by someone calling me. I smile and look up at Devin who is looking back at me expectantly with an outstretched hand waiting for me to take it. I place my hand in his and he pulls me up from my spot by the tree, I pick up my backpack from the ground and slung it over my shoulder. Devin silently smiles at me and takes my hand again while walking away from school. Now, here’s the thing. When we are alone we almost never speak, we just enjoy each other’s company. His presence calms me in some way’s and I always feel a sense of security while I’m with him. We’ve never needed words to communicate, of course like everybody else we enjoy talking to one another but most times words are not needed.

So we just walk along the road, hand in hand appreciating the silence. Enjoy the silence by Anberlin suddenly pops into my head, the lyrics flowing through my head instantly.

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence  

“Do you really believe that?” Devin startles me by without warning stopping and breaking the silence. I give him a confused look, not getting what he was referring to. Until understanding dawned on me, I talked out loud. I open my mouth and he just laughs at me before saying:

“You didn’t realize you were thinking out loud did you?” I just shake my head and smile sheepishly at him, before pondering over his question. Did I agree with the lyrics, I slowly nod my head and while looking straight ahead I say:

“Yes, in some way’s I guess. I think words can be deceiving, anybody can tell you stories and make promises. But I think people show who they really are through their actions and choices, anyone can talk but not everybody has the courage to actually act on those words. So, yes in the end words are in some situations very unnecessary. Sometimes silence can tell you more than words ever could.” I haven’t dared to even glance at Devin while speaking, my eyes trained on the road ahead of us. The silence is light between us while we both consider what I just had said, out of the corner of my eye I see Devin smiling to himself and shaking his head. I turn towards him and wait for him to meet my look before shooting him a expectant stare. He sighs and mumbles:

“You know, you don’t talk a lot but every time you do I feel like I should memorize every single word that leave your lips.” I feel a blush warming my cheeks and deliberately turn my head away from him in slight embarrassment. But Devin doesn’t seem to care while he continues:

“You have so much to offer the world, yet most of the time you choose not to share your thoughts. It’s like you’re afraid of your own brilliance, why?” I duck my head and keep my eyes trained on my shoes while I try to take in all Devin just told me. I’m nothing special, but he just called me brilliant and said that I have a lot to offer the world. What does he mean? With my still warm cheeks I turn my head up towards him and mumble:

“Devin… I have nothing to offer the world that other people couldn’t.” I see an emotion flicker through his eyes that I can’t really identify before it’s gone again, he just shakes his head and sigh.

“You really have no idea do you?” He says it so quietly that I don’t think I was meant to hear it so I just pretend I didn’t. We keep walking in silence and when we stop outside of my sisters school he gives my hand a squeeze and mumbles:

“One day, you’ll hopefully understand.” Before I have time to question what he’s talking about my sisters voice reaches us.

“Hey, sissy. We’re ready to go.” I nod my head and smile at her, the two girls run ahead of us and I lean my head on Devin’s shoulder while keeping a watchful eye on them. A sense of condense washes over me, I sigh and once again enjoy the silence.   

I'm actually quite happy with the way this chapter turned out... Hope you agree :) have a good one Lovelies xx