Skinny Love

Chapter 4 - Belong

The world is a scary place.

It’s innocent and it’s demanding

It’s beautiful and ugly

The world is everything

all at once

And everything

is nothing

with a twist

As I write the words down on a paper in front of me I try to make sense of them. They just came to me after I said goodbye to Devin outside his house. He gave me a warm hug, a kiss on the forehead and while muttering words under his breath he walked away from me and into his house. The moment he closed the door that first line just hit me, the world is a scary place. And as I walked home sentence after sentence just came to me and I have no idea why.

I really don’t know what to make of this, I don’t believe in signs or god or anything like it. I have no problem with the people who do believe in that stuff, if they find comfort or peace in believing in something then who am I to tell them they are wrong? In the back of my head I can’t help but hope that those people are the ones who are right, I hope that there is something beyond this life but at the same time I can’t bring myself to believe it. So in the end I guess I believe and put my faith in hope.

Wow, I get of track easily… I focus back on the words I wrote down just moments before and try to find the meaning in them. Everything is nothing with a twist, I recognize that so that means I’ve probably read it somewhere. But the rest is just words, I shake my head at myself. I always have to search for the answer to why, have everything explained. I’ve always had that drive, the thirst for new information and knowledge. By now I’ve come to terms with the fact that aren’t always an answer to a why. Sometimes the only answer to why is because, that ticked me off when I was younger. Because was never an acceptable answer to me, there had to be more to it than that, right? No, not always some things are unexplainable. And as I’ve grown older the more I’ve come to appreciate that fact, some things need to stay unresolved. A little mystery can never hurt, I think it’s what gives us that drive to know everything. That urge to solve and explain the things that we can’t explain, they comes from the thrill of finding a mystery.

I fold together the little note that I scribbled down the words on, but I can’t bring myself to trough it away. Instead I take it with me to my room, I sit down on my bed and take out the old notebook that I have lying on my bedside table. In my head I like to call it my book of hidden treasures, but really it’s just a notebook with poems, quotes and other things like that, that I have taken a liking for over the years. I open the book on a new page and glue the little note in the right hand corner, I try to get it as smooth as possible and admire my work before closing the book again. I lay it back on the table and look around my room.

It’s nothing special really, but I love my room. One wall is just filled almost to the ceiling with shelves, on them are of course rows and rows with books. Some of them are my mom’s old ones and some are brand new ones and some I’ve bought on fleemarkets and such. One right of that wall is a dresser, really it’s just space for my clothes but it’s what’s on top of it that is my favorite part of my room:

A LP record player.

I got it from my grandfather on my 16th birthday and it’s still to this date the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten. Except of course the LP-collection I got for the birthday after that, hundreds of different albums and artist all in a couple of boxes. So actually I lied before, the shelves don’t just have books on them.

I walk towards the shelves and immediately pull out Under Control by Cary Brothers, for some reason I just got this urge to listen to one of the songs on that album. I start the player and put it on track 6 which is called Belong, my room is soon filled with the beautiful piano intro.

This song is one of the reasons to why I started playing piano. I remember being 10 or 11 and hearing this song for the first time, I remember the peace just the piano brought me. At that point I was too young to understand what the song was actually about, the only thing I heard when I listened to the song was how the piano almost carried the entire song. How big of a part the melody from the piano actually had in the song, it was like an entirely new world was exposed to me. I sat at the piano all day, every day for two weeks just to learn the entire song by heart. Since the day that I was able to play that song I just kept playing piano, It calms me and takes me away from my head for a while.            

Soooo, I felt you guys needed to understand and know more about the main character Sunny, hope you enjoyed the chapter :) have a good one Lovelies xx