Is it true that pain is beauty?
This is a line caught in my head that led me to write this. This sentence has been bugging me so much that i decided to write it out and organise my thoughts.
So, is pain beauty?
I honestly don't know, but i link beauty with fats, faces and low esteem. Pain may come in soon though.
I dislike (hate would have been a better word) having low esteem. I don't blame all that do, but some that chose to have low esteem i don't really like them.
Girls of my age are altering their skirt to show more of their legs. They also fold their socks just to show that bone at the back part of the leg. Some even draw their eyebrows to school. I hate these little alterations so much that i start to have a sharp eye for them. Yesterday , i caught ( is this word too harsh?) my friend folding her socks. Its her first attempt and oh god why do people feel so pressurised to have short socks? The school would have sold ankle socks if they wanted the socks to be short. Its ridiculous. I dont know, i don't really understand the pressure to have short socks. It just hurts that skin that rubs against the shoe and then blisters form and congratulations u have a beautiful blister to take care of.
And then whats with the skirt. About half of my class' girls altered their skirt to be above the knee.
Honestly i judge them for that. I know i shouldn't be judgy, but is there seriously something wrong with the skirt? Its not like you are going shopping you are going to school where all the uniforms have already been made. My school's skirt is made below the kneecap. My seniors all have altered skirts but for God's sake can you not add to the pressure for the other girls that have not yet to do so. I myself have considered before, since I've seen many girls do that in my level, but i decided to hold my head high and not let them break my esteem. My esteem isn't very high, but I'd rather it not decrease. Seriously, the girls i talked to seem to be having more confidence ever since they folded/altered their skirts and well i find it a lie.
They found folding the skirts a hassle and then went to alter the skirt instead. But then, even after they altered the skirt, they continue folding it. And then my question is, do you really want the boys to see your butt that badly. Really that badly. As in, they fold it til abt 5 fingers above the kneecap but i think they will never find it enough short. Its a waste of time, and its literally u making your own self esteem jump down the building. My brother says that my skirt is too long ( its slightly below the kneecap, original) and im like whatever im not those vain people. Okay there are exceptions where the girls must fold skirt because theit skirts are really too loose and they have no choice but hey thats a reasonable explanation. But to gain esteem you must have lost at least a little. No pain no gain. I find that true and fake at the same time due to beauty.
However theres a reason why i really dislike girls who fold skirt or fold socks. Its because they are so heavily affected by society's pressures that they start to find flaws in themselves, which were originally not there. I understand that i may be a little judgemental, but i do have my reasons too.
Are all these things done just for beauty?
Is beauty being revealing?
Being in the trend?
Having to be like everyone else?
Beauty has pulled down the esteem of so many girls that i start to fear for myself. Some girls are really sensitive and say that they are mot ptetty and end up doing self harm. I don't know why they do thAt, but if its because of their perspective on beauty then i feel sad for them.
My perspective of beauty has now changed too.
As i became 13 this year, i realise that i was actually quite naive to my appearances. After all, my old house didn't have a full length mirror, so i didn't really care. But then now i do have a full length mirror and then it opened my eyes. I have fat legs, fat arms and a chubby face. I never noticed these until i was more exposed to society's pressures. Its like, i see this picture of this girl on instagram, i compare her to myself and boom i have more insecurities. But now that i think about it almost everyone is obsessing over beauty.
Then i have this question.
Is being self-conscious the same as beinh vain?
In my current opinion, i think that they aren't the same.
Self-conscious is like being aware of your appearance, doing minimum or little changes to the appearance when necessary and not doing unnecessary things like makeup or something. Perhaps makeup is required when you grow up and have to attend really formal events but i don't think it is actually required that much. Put as much makeup as you want yet you can never cover or erase away your insecurities. I admire the grownups who don't apply makeup, because this means that they are confident and refuse to give in to society's pressures.
This year, my dad told me something that really affected the way i see being self-conscious now.
He said,
" xinhui you are fat. Go exercise. Exercising is not about trying to be beautiful. Its about being healthy. Its about yourself. "
Of course im slightly affected by the fat part but i have already accepted the truth for a long time already. However he changed my perspective of exercising. I have always linked exercising to " trying hard to be beautiful " but he changed all of that. i realised how mistaken i was about beauty but yet, hasn't beauty made so much insecurities in the world?
The Korean women are forced to go for plastic surgery due to the ebery climbing pressures of society.
No plastic surgery=no job=no future
But its all because of society. Girls have to be beautiful and boys must be handsome. There are rarely any grownups who i see without Makeup. I understand they must look presentable outside and don't look underdressed, but then everyone has their insecurities.
As a preteen, i start to have more insecurities. The major one of them all is about beauty. I despise makeup, dislike dresses and dislike skirts. But i do have this thought hidden in the back of my mind saying that one day when im skinnier I'd like to wear a dress. I'd like to loose weight, like to be prettier. But all these are just what i see in my surroundings thus affecting me unconsciously. Right now, my opinion for beautiful appearances (not inner beauty ahh) are the classic " skinny, big eyes straight nose nice mouth nice teeth. " According to my family and friends i do have them, but its just my chubby face and rounder body. So does that mean im orettier if i lose weight? My cousin has been making sure i eat less carbohydrates so that i won't gain so fast but then i stress eat anyway. But society made it that being skinny = pretty. Plus the face and skin colour aNd everything else set due to trends and fashion.
In the hunger games trilogy, katniss said something (along the lines) about society. I can't remember it exactly, but the idea of it was that being fat meant that you were well fed and lucky while the skinny and bony were poor. However in the Capitol, the skinny were considered beautiful.
I particularly like this quote Because it sorts of explains what i want to say. Is it because so many people are well fed that it is now common to be fat? That being skinny is the cool thing now since people have higher chances of being fat now? I totally think that beauty is somehow linked to wealth, that somehow fashion changed because of wealth.
Beauty is a common insecurity. It causes a lot of pain in many and i worry someday that I'd be like those suffering due to this insecurity. I'd like to be stress free from beauty but as i grow up i think appearances matter too. In a way it seems that esteem and beauty are connected, which is quite sad. I'd like to not have my esteem decreased due to beauty but i don't think thats really possible anymore. Perhaps one day i may change totally from the girl who hated having low esteem to the girl having low esteem and the girl who hated beauty to the girl who cared too much about beauty.
As time changes, my perspective changes too and i may become someone i don't want to be. I hope that in a way, i won't get affected too much by society's pressures and be unconsciously affected by my surroundings. Beuaty can cause so much physical and emotional pain but pain can also show one's beauty.
So is it true that pain is beauty?
My answer is yes and no
25/9/15 xh
