I Guess I Can't Help It [Homestuck Fanfiction] DISCONTINUED

Chapter 4

Once we had caught up to the still red Eridan, and made it to Karkat's house - which was closer and Karkat declared he had better food, which was probably true - he shoved up inside and disappeared to the kitchen. Me and Eridan sat on Karkat's overly comfy couch as he shuffled around in the kitchen, making god-knows-what. I had my legs propped up and I was leaning on the arm, occasionally pushing at the blonde with my foot. He batted my foot away each time, but like hell that would ever make me stop. The war between land feet and sea hands has begun. When Karkat walked back into the kitchen, he gave us an 'are you fucking serious' look, as my foot was on Eridan's face and he was throttling my leg.

"FOOD'S READY YOU ASSHATS." He announced, before strutting back into his kitchendom. Eridan shoved my foot off his face and stood up, walking into the dining area next to the kitchen. I groaned and stood up as well, following suit. Karkat made some sandwiches and laid out various chip bags.

"geez, wwhy so much food? do you guys eat that much?" Eridan asked, taking a chair and sitting down.

Karkat snarled. "NO. KANKRI AND CRONUS ARE COMING BACK OVER AND EATING WITH US." Karkat crossed his arms. "AND WE ONLY HAVE 4 CHAIRS AT THIS SHITTY TABLE SO EITHER SOME FUCK IS GOING TO HAVE TO GRAB ANOTHER CHAIR AND SIT ON SOMEONES LAP."

I grinned. "you can alway2 2iit on my lap, kk." I did a show with my eyebrows and ducked the smack heading towards me.

"YOUR LAP IS TOO FUCKING BONEY FOR ANYONE TO SIT ON. NOW HOLD YOUR GODDAMN METAPHORICAL HORSES WHILE I GO GRAB AN EXTRA GODDAMN CHAIR." Karkat walked out of the dining area and disappeared into the house he and Kankri shared. I pulled out on of the chairs and sat down, slouching into the uncomfortable wood.

"wwas he actually considerin havving someone sit in someones lap?" Eridan mused, his eyebrow cocked.

"pfft no are you kiidiing me? none of u2 are actually gonna be okay wiith that. except me, but kk wont except the fact ii have a damn fiine a22."

"oh really"

"have you 2een thii2 a22?"

"yes, it wwas vvery out there wwhile you slept half on the couch"

"oh yeah. bet you enjoyed that eye candy"

"nope i wwas honestly concerned about how the bones hadnt just popped out yet."

"2hut up"

Eridan grinned snarkily and leaned back in his chair. Karkat had shuffled back into the kitchen, dragging a fold-out chair behind him. As he was unfolding the chair, the door opened and Kankri and Cronus strolled in. Kankri was definitely short like his brother, and it was obvious when he stood next to Eridan's brother's inhuman height. Eridan got the short end of the stick in his bloodline, the sucker. The albino strode into the kitchen and smiled at me and Eridan. We just saw the doofus like 15 minutes ago. Cronus followed suit, but veered to go pester his sibling. The two blondes had a one-sided argument, cut short by Cronus pressing Eridan's lips together and shooshing him. Eridan glared through his glasses at him and went to bite his finger. Cronus jerked his hand back and bit at the air towards Eridan, in what I'm assuming is a teasing threat in fish language?? I don't fucking know this shit. Kankri scolded both of them and made Cronus sit down. Karkat flipped the fold-out chair around next to me and sat on it backwards. I cocked my eyebrows at him and he snorted, reaching out and grabbing a sandwich.

Being the most unhealthy person in this room, I ended up only being able to eat one sandwich while Karkat and Cronus scarfed down three each and Kankri was working on his third. Eridan ate two, and stopped there. Karkat was trying to force-feed me another one but I just glared at him as he yelled profanities. Kankri kept trying to calm him down and 'refrain fr9m using such f9wl language' which of course never worked.