The Shattered Ride

Chapter 12

    I practically marched to my house. I didn't want anyone to notice my tears, so I walked really fast. I opened the door, rushed to the stairs and was about to take the first step up the stairs, when I realized people were sitting in our living room. I slowly walked back and turned me head to see the room. There sat Martin and Corrie Jackson. My favourite twins. I wiped my tears and made my way to them. They stood up and both of them gave me a big hug.

    The sat down on the couch closest the TV, and I took the single chair by the window. The sun felt hot against my skin as the sun rays shone through the window. I put on a fake grin, and stared at them. Their faces told me something was wrong... I took a deep breath, hoping my voice doesn't crack, and asked, "Something wrong?" I tried giving them an encouraging smile, but it didn't work.

    After a while, Corrie said, "We have some bad news Erica." She looked down and Marty put his arm around her shoulder.

    "Uhm...this is not going to be easy. And we wanted to tell you first," Marty said, and also looked down. I started getting worried.

    "What's going on?" I looked worried now.

    "Erica, Goggles passed away." Corrie said very quickly. I froze. It was impossible. That cat has been through everything! How did he just die? I couldn't breathe... I was so shocked.

    Goggles was a black, skinny cat who had white circles around his eyes. Once at a park near Marty's house, Erik and I found the little kitten stranded. My mom is allergic, so Corrie said she'd take care of him for me. And she did. That poor cat has been ridden over by a car and even bicycle once. And still he lived. That cat understood me when no one else did. He didn't need to say anything, and that's what made him so special. But now, he's gone. And a part of Erik too...

    I felt so hurt... A part of me was gone. Torn out. That cat was all I really had left of Erik. Corrie even brought him to the funeral. I just wanted to cry. Jordan is ignoring me, I miss Erik more than ever, and now Goggles is gone too. Men. They never stay, do they?

    "Uhm...will you please excuse me for a minute?" I stood up and rushed to my room. I couldn't hold the tears anymore... They just came like they did when Caleb held me. Except this time, there was no Caleb. Only my pillow. And I have never felt this alone in my life.

    After a few hours, I woke up. I looked at the clock, and saw that it was 5 pm. I had fallen asleep and totally forgotten about Corrie and Marty! I rushed to the bathroom, fixed my smudged make-up and my fuzzy hair, and hurried down. When I came into the living room, my dad and Jay were watching football. Weird. What was Jay doing here? Was I in a dream? They greeted me with hellos and I just waved back. Then before walking away, and asked my dad, "Where's mom?"

    "Probably in the kitchen."

    So I walked to the kitchen to find her making a salad. She was smiling and humming a happy tune. Alex sat in his baby chair talking to his toy dinosaur. I walked over to my mom, and gave her a big hug. She dropped her knife and put down the tomato she was cutting, and gave me a big, tight mommy-hug. It felt good. She smelled of lavender or rose perfume and I didn't want to let go. This felt really good. After a while she slightly pulled away, holding me by my elbows and smiling at me.

    Then she asked, "You okay?" I shook my head, and she grabbed me into a hug again. That seemed to be her way of fixing things, and it worked. She held me close and whispered, "I'm sorry about Goggles." And I felt the tears form again. I just shook my head. I didn't know what to say.

    Finally, when I had enough strength, I jumped onto the counter and said, "Thanks, mom." She smiled and carried on cutting.

    The she looked over her shoulder and asked, "Wanna talk about it?"

    I was quiet, looking down on the tiled floor. Then I started. If tears were going to come, they were going to have to come. "Jordan has been ignoring me, and I don't know why... And now, Goggles died." I swallowed hard, and went on. "It feels like part of Erik, the only part left, is torn out now that Goggles is gone... Mom, I miss him so much!" And the water works started again. And they didn't stop. My mom grabbed me off the counter into a hug again. She just held me, and I just kept on crying.

    After a while she whispered in her soft, sweet voice, "It's okay to not be strong," And those words meant so much to me. They might have just been words to someone, but to me, they were poetry. They were a new hope. And that's all I needed right now.

    Jay joined us for dinner that night. We laughed a lot and I started to feel a bit better. Alex had the most fun. Constantly, Jay would tickle him and make faces or do something that Alex found hilarious. And it made me smile. After dinner, my dad went to bathe Alex, and mom went to wash the dishes.

    Jay and I went to sit outside on the grass. The sun had already set, but he stars shone beautifully. We were quiet for a while, then Jay said, "So how's your holiday?"

    I kept looking at the sky, laying on my back. Then I replied, "It's okay, I guess. I mean, the whole thing with Jordan, and today, I had to find out Goggles died." I went quiet. Jay didn't say anything. Then I couldn't help but ask, "Do you know what happened to Jordan?" I sat up and looked at him.

    He was very quiet. Then he finally said, "No, actually, I was hoping you did?"

    "Well, no... Neither Jordan, nor Caleb would tell me." I went to lay next to him. He was strangely quiet.

    I didn't need to move closer to him. We were literally lying against each other. Then, all of a sudden, he stands up, and asks for my hand. He pulled me up to face him. He put his hands on my cheeks, and before I could reject, he kissed me. In my opinion, it was a ridiculous kiss. I didn't feel anything. Nothing. And why on earth would he kiss me? I had enough, and slowly pulled away. Whatever this was, it meant nothing to me. Jay left a few minutes later, whispering in my ear, "See you at school." And that was it.

    And how I know that the kiss meant nothing, was the fact that I fell asleep very easily, and didn't think about it once. Erik's kiss traumatized me for weeks! I couldn't stop thinking about it. But Jay's kiss. Well, that was like getting a small kiss from my dad. Except, this was longer and on the lips. So really, I didn't feel anything.