Love At First Sight

Chapter 4

Sonny and I sat at his desk and talked. About everything we didn't get to at the bar. I really wish I hadn't have ran out like that.
"Hey, Sonny, I wanted to apologize." I said out of nowhere.
"For what?" he said and put his arm around my shoulders.
"For running out last night. I shouldn't have done that. I should've just told you what was wrong from the start. I'm sorry, Sonny. I'm sorry." I started crying really hard and he pulled me into his chest.
"Honey, it's okay. I understand why you didn't tell me. You barely know me. You didn't want to tell me because you didn't know if you could trust me. But believe me, Amanda. You can trust me with anything. I will hold you close through everything." he reassured me.
"Yeah, I barely know you and..." I whispered.
"And what?" he was curious.
Just then, Huang walked into the squad room. Oh no. I'm totally not ready for this. My heart started racing and I looked at Sonny with desperation.
"Hey, Amanda. You ready?" Huang asked while standing on the other side of the desk.
I pushed my hair behind my ear and looked at the floor. Sonny put his hand on my shoulder. There was a bit of awkward silence. I finally looked up and took a deep breath.
"I'm not going to lie. I'm not ready. I'm terrified." I said and tears fought to escape my eyes.
Huang nodded a little and headed for the interview room, intending for me to follow.
"I don't want to do this. I-I can't!" I started to hyperventilate.
Sonny wrapped his arms and hugged me so tight that my feet came off the ground. He whispered in my ear.
"You're strong. You're brave. You'll be okay. I promise you." he said and kissed the side of my head.
He set me back down on my feet.
"Now go. Be the strong woman you are." he said and caressed my back.
"Thank you." I said and slowly strolled to the interview room.
I stopped outside the door with my hand on the handle. I looked back at Sonny. He smiled at me and mouthed the words 'You're okay'. I turned the handle and went inside.
Inside the room, Huang was at the table with a notepad. His briefcase was in the chair beside him.
"Hi, Amanda." he said.
"Hi, Dr..." I said.
"Please, sit." he said nicely.
I sat down and my legs started shaking from being so nervous.
"Olivia told me about what happened and what's been happening to you. I need you to know that I'm here to talk when you need to." Huang was so generous.
"Yeah...yeah I know it's just-" I didn't know what to say.
"Just what?" he was beginning to get more involved with what I had to say.
"It's just that....I've never talked to anyone about it besides Olivia and-" I stopped myself.
"And-?" he questioned.
"Detective Carisi." I said and stared into space as a flashback occurred.
I shut my eyes tight and took deep breaths as the flashback passed.
"Are you okay?" he asked leaning over the table a little.
"No." I said a little angrily.
"You just had a flashback, didn't you?" he asked.
"Yes." I sighed.
"Can you tell me about the attack you encountered?" he asked.
My heart started racing. I'm not ready for this. I can't do it!
"It happened in Atlanta, before I transferred here to Manhattan. One night...uh....he escorted me to my apartment and used a false pretense to get inside..." I was shaking as all the details flooded into my head.
"Who was it?" he asked as he wrote something down on the notepad.
I hesitated for a moment before I spoke. I didn't want anyone else to know!
"My boss." I said.
"Your Captain from Atlanta?" he stared at me with interest.
"Well not my boss. My Captain's boss. Deputy Chief Patten." I hid my face in my hands and silently cried.
"It's okay. What we need to focus on is talking about it. I know you may not want to but it'll help you out in the long run. Can you tell me what happened next?" he said in a reassuring voice.
"After he got inside, he got drinks. I was already drunk enough, there was no way for me to consent. He just got me even more drunk. I could still understand what was happening though. Anyways, he took me to my bedroom and-" I took a sharp breath in.
"He raped you?" Huang questioned.
I didn't say a word. I just nodded. He wrote more stuff on the notepad.
"Did you tell anyone?" he said while putting the notepad back into his briefcase.
"No. And I never intend to. I never have to see him again, that's what matters. I'm not worth having a trial. It'll be the classic 'He Said, She Said'. I'll just lose the case anyways." I said a little bolder this time.
"Amanda, don't say that. If you give it a chance, you have a much better chance of putting him behind bars. He needs to be put in prison. Could you imagine what he's doing to other women?" the sound of those words made my stomach churn.
"I don't care." I stared him in the eyes as tears tried to escape.
"What?" he stopped what he was doing.
"I don't care. As long as I never have to see him again, I'm fine. Thanks for this, Dr. Huang." I said and I stood up from the table.
I bolted out of the room and ran right into Sonny. He was standing by the window. I was crying and I didn't even know it.
"Hey, it's alright, baby. Shh...." he hugged me tight.
I shoved him off of me.
"No it's not okay! That was horrifying! I can't believe you stood here and watched me suffer!And don't call me that. I'm not your girlfriend!" I ran over to his desk and grabbed my coat and phone.
I stormed out of the squad room, and took the elevator down. I got outside and the cold air took over my body. I froze on the spot. The air kept getting colder and colder by the second.
I began to get dizzy and I swayed a little. My legs became weak and I collapsed, hitting my head on the concrete. I passed out.