Love At First Sight

Chapter 2

I was tossing and turning in my sleep trying to get comfortable. I was fine at first but I kept having a nightmare and it just wouldn't go away.
I eventually woke completely up in a terrible sweat, shaking. This was beginning to get out of hand. I haven't had nightmares like this since then...
I sat up and sat on the edge of my bed. My phone vibrated, lighting up the screen with a text message. It was from Sonny.
What the hell is he doing awake at 3:00am?
I looked across my lock screen and read the text Sonny had just sent me.

'Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Sleep well, sweetheart.'

I unlocked my phone and reread the message over and over about 6 times. A wide smile spread across my face. He really cares about me. No one has ever cared about me this much before.
I began to type back. At first I didn't know what to say back, but then I thought I needed to be straight forward and honest with him. No more lying from here on out.
I began to say:

'I'm fine. Just upset.'

but then deleted it and actually said:

'I'm not okay. I just woke up from a nightmare, Sonny. I'm sweating and shaking. I haven't been like this since my attack. I'm scared.'

I hit the send button. A few moments later 'Delivered' changed to 'Read at 3:08am'. The little bubble appeared at the bottom left, he was typing.
His reply was short but sweet. He really made me feel loved.

'Want me to come over?'

There was no way he was coming here. As much as I like him, I'm not ready for that. I barely know the man.

'No, thank you though. I think I'll just try to go back to sleep.'

'You sure? I'm here for you.'

'Yeah, I'm sure :)'

'Okay, goodnight <3'

'Night <3'

I locked my phone and sat it back down on my nightstand. I laid back down in the bed. I prayed that I wouldn't have the nightmare again. It just kept replaying over and over.
My body sank into the mattress and it felt as though I were being pulled away, until I fell asleep again.
I woke up to my alarm at 7:30 and I had to be at work by 8:30. I hopped out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a disgusted look.
'How could you let him do that to you? You're a detective. You should've fought back!' I said to myself inside my head. My anxiety was rising at each second I stood there. I need to take a pill.
I went out into the kitchen and opened my bottle of anxiety pills. I grabbed one and threw it in my mouth, chugging it down with a glass of water.
I went back to the bathroom and got in the shower. I look at my thighs and the way they were scarred from self harming. It was my cope. I did it until I was transferred to Manhattan.
I was literally standing there for 10 minutes before I actually showered. I got out and dried off. I put on a long sleeve white shirt and black jeans along with my black vans. I tucked my shirt in my pants and put my belt on.
My hair was up in a tight ponytail. I didn't wear any makeup because I felt there was no need for it.
It was around 8:10 by the time I left the house. I had my coat tied tight because it was freezing outside. The temperature was about 14 degrees. I walked to the precinct and went inside the squad room. Nobody was there yet except for Olivia.
"Morning, Rollins." she said.
"Morning, Serge..." I was quiet.
"What's wrong?" she gave me her determined eye.
"What? Oh. Nothing." I lied right through my teeth.
"Really, Amanda? Don't play that with me." she was getting a little mad.
She always cared about me.
"It's not important." I said and sat down at my desk after hanging my coat on the chair.
"Rollins." she gave me a glare.
"Okay, fine...I've been having major PTSD for the past 10 hours. I don't know why. I woke up in a cold sweat from nightmares at 3:00am. I took my anxiety medication this morning but it's not helping..." I teared up and my voice began to crack.
"Why didn't you call me when you had the nightmares?" she was truly concerned.
"Liv, it was 3:00am." I said.
"I was awake then." she said flatly.
"Why in the world-?" I asked confused.
"Noah." she simply stated.
"Oh. That makes sense." I trailed off.
"Yeah. So what happened last night that caused the PTSD? And don't lie to me." Olivia was now leaning over my desk.
I sighed.
"Well, I went out with Sonny..." I began.
"The new guy?!" she asked surprised.
"Uh...yeah. Anyways, we started talking and he asked me to tell him about me. I told him I've been working here for 3 years ever since I was transferred from Atlanta because something happened to me on the job...." I said and a tear rolled down my cheek. I forcibly wiped it away.
"He asked you what it was didn't he?" she asked.
"Yeah...and I wouldn't tell him. I got up and left the bar. I leaned against the wall outside and cried and he came out and found me. I walked home, and he followed me. He really wanted to make sure I was okay. When we got to my apartment building he asked me again." I wanted to cry so bad.
"And?" she asked softly.
"I broke into tears and hugged him and told him what happened. He asked if he had been convicted and I said no. I said what matters is that I never have to see him again. After that, I went inside." my voice was super quiet.
"Rollins, I think that telling Carisi about it, triggered something. Maybe you should go talk to Huang?" she asked in a serious tone.
"No, I'm fine, Olivia..." I was staring off into space.
"No, Amanda, you aren't. I'll give Huang a call. Set up an appointment after work." she said just as Sonny walked in. He has shaved his mustache which made him even more beautiful.
"Hey, Serge. Hey...Amanda..." he said awkwardly as he set his keys on his desk and took his coat off.
"Morning, Carisi." she said and strolled into her office.
He came over to my desk once he saw Olivia's office door close.
"Hey, are you okay?" he whispered softly.
My eyes were burning with tears. I closed my eyes to hold them back.
"I'm-" I remembered I wasn't going to lie anymore.
"No. I'm not. Olivia wants me to see the shrink after work. She thinks it'll help." I said staring into Sonny's beautiful blue eyes.
"Yeah, Amanda, I think it'll be good for you. PTSD isn't something to just push off to the side. It needs to be dealt with. If not, it can eat you alive." Sonny was being very inconsiderate at the moment.
"Yes, Dominick, I know that. I've worked SVU for quite a long time." I sounded a little pissy.
"I know, I know. I'm just making sure you're okay. I really think you should talk to Huang." he said coming closer to my face.
I wanted to kiss him so badly. He kept coming closer and closer by every millisecond. Our lips barely touched and we were pulled apart when Nick came into the squad room.
"Morning." he said sounding cheerful.
"You seem happy today." I said laughing a little to break the awkward tension in the room.
"Yeah, Maria and I are getting back together." he said while smiling.
"Nick, that's great!" I said.
"Yeah. Thanks." he was smiling to himself.
He knocked on Olivia's office door to talk to her. Once the door shut again, Sonny and I locked eyes. He got close again.
This time I leaned in and fully kissed him. My body went numb and it felt like electricity went through me. I'm kissing him. I'm kissing Sonny.
After a short 4 to 5 seconds, we broke apart, leaving us to stare into each other's gaze once again. He smiled. I smiled back.
"I love you." I blurted out without thinking about anything.
He just stared at me in utter amazement.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing." I snapped.
"No, seriously, what did you just say?" he put a hand on my back and put his lips on the top of my head.
"I-I love you." I repeated again.
He kissed the top of my head.
"I love you too." he whispered softly in my ear making my body shiver.
"I'll go..." I said very softly.
"What?" he whispered.
"I'll do it. I'll talk to Huang." I said.
"Thank you." he kissed my neck. I froze on the spot.
I was memorized by his beauty. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He walked over to his desk and sat down. He smiled at me from his chair.
I've fallen in love. It was love at first sight.