Love At First Sight

Chapter 7

I sat in the hot bath water until it started to get colder. Sitting there made me relax and I felt so calm. I slowly washed my hair and my body. I scrubbed the running makeup from my face. I was just physically exhausted, every movement I made was extremely slow.
I got out and drained the bath tub and then slowly dried myself off. Drying my legs was the worse, having to see the scars on my legs. I got sick to my stomach when I saw them. I've been 3 years clean now, but the way I've been feeling lately, I want to break the streak. I stood there, looking at my legs, when I heard Sonny knock on the door.
"Amanda? Are you okay, sweetheart?" he said quietly through the door.
I made a whimpering noise and wrapped the towel around my body. If he came in, I didn't want him seeing me. I hate my body myself, I don't want Sonny to see it.
"Amanda?" he called again.
I made a small croaking noise as I tried to speak, unable to get words out. I was completely horror stricken.
"I'm coming in, honey, okay?" he asked softly.
I tried to protest, but before I could get the words out of my mouth, he opened the bathroom door. He stood in the doorway, staring into my eyes, which were obviously filled with fear.
I hadn't noticed that the towel wasn't long enough to cover all of my thighs. The middle of my thigh and down was visible. His eyes slowly dropped to my legs, and his eyes widened. I didn't understand what he was looking at at first.
"What?" I asked shakily.
"M-Mandy..." he whispered out.
Did he just call me Mandy? Is it a nickname he created for me? Mandy...hmm...I like it.
"What, Sonny?" I asked nervous.
His eyes were still locked on my legs. My heart stopped as I dropped my gaze down to my legs. I started to breathe rapidly and heavily.
"Mandy, sweetheart..." his eyes were filling with tears.
He ran forward and wrapped his arms around me. I started to cry into his shoulder. I could hear him beginning to cry also.
"It's okay, Amanda. I've got you. I love you." he whispered in my ear.
I was gasping for air as I was crying. I was crying so hard, I couldn't even talk. I was completely vulnerable and opening up to this man who I've known for two almost three days. I'm head over heels for him. He just seems to understand me. He's protective of me.
"I l-love you s-so much." I managed to spit out the sentence through my gasps of air during my breakdown.
"Come on, sweetheart, let's get you dressed." he helped me from the bathroom and back into his bedroom.
I stood there awkwardly with the towel still wrapped around me and I was still crying a little. Our gazes met and locked.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
"I-uh...I just don't wanna...not yet...I..." I couldn't seem to get what I was trying to say out.
Eventually, he caught on to what I was trying to spit out. He understood completely. Another reason to love Dominick Carisi, Jr.
"Oh, okay. I'm sorry, Mandy... I'll be in the living room." he smiled at me before he left.
I dried myself off and got dressed. I brushed the knots from my hair and I sighed when I was finished. I slowly opened the bedroom door and crept out into the living room, making no noise at all. Sonny was sitting on the couch. I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He jumped.
"Whoa, oh my god, Mandy....you scared the crap out of me." he got off the couch and came around to me.
"Sorry, Sonny....I-I'm sorry...." I whispered, starting to tear up.
"Hey, hey, shh..its alright...just calm down..." he whispered as he hugged me.
He walked us both around the couch, where we sat on it and he held me close to him. He was stroking my hair and I laid across his lap, holding back my tears. I feel like such a vulnerable person right now, and I hate that feeling. I hate being coddled but right now I need someone to comfort me.
"Amanda? When did this happen?" he asked in a soft whisper as he brushed a piece of my hair behind my ear.
I sighed before I spoke. I was just so shaken up that I was terrified to talk. I took a deep breath and then let it out.
"It happened 3 years ago, in Atlanta, after my as-assault." I stuttered out the last word.
"Did you talk to anyone? Anyone at all?" he asked concerned.
"How could I? I couldn't let anyone in my unit know I had been raped by the Deputy Chief!! I would've lost my job!! I would've been taken to court and had to testify!!" my voice was rising and shaking by this point.
"Alright, alright, shh...it's okay, Mandy..." he whispered soothingly.
"When was the last time you...cut?" he hesitated before he said it.
"Right before I transferred here to New York. The moment I got away from that living nightmare, everything seemed to drift away." I said as I wiped my eyes and sniffled.
My heart was pounding: I could feel an anxiety attack coming on.
"Amanda? You know those things don't just go away. You're a detective, you should understand that. You tell that to victims on a daily basis." he said with an upset tone.
"You think I don't know that, Sonny? It's different when it's actually happened to you." I started to cry again.
"Amanda, shh...don't cry, it's alright.." his soft, deep voice was the most comforting sound ever.
"But you're right...it's haunting me..." I whimpered.
"That's why we need to get him prosecuted, Amanda. We have to tell Barba." he said cautiously.
My heart raced. My hands began to sweat.
"Barba already knows. The whole squad does." I said a little sternly.
"Barba didn't do anything?" he asked a little annoyed.
"No, because I told him to give it up. I didn't want to press charges at the time..." I drifted off.
"But you do now?" he questioned me.
"No....yes...maybe...I don't know. I'm still unsteady over the whole situation. I don't know if I want to go through with this." I sat up and moved closer to him.
I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I took deep breaths, keeping my breathing under control. He put an arm around me and held me tight to him. He kissed the side of my head. I turned my head to face him and I kissed him on the lips. I felt the electricity shoot through the both of us. He wrapped his arms around my body and I never wanted him to let me go. It was like time was frozen, no going back, no going forward. Just us there in the moment. We finally pulled away after about a minute.
"It's alright...we talk more about it later. Right now, let's just focus on keeping you relaxed." he whispered in my ear.
I smiled at his words, but I don't think he saw it. Sonny makes me happy. Happier than anyone ever has. And I've only known him for 3 damn days.
I wonder what's going to happen between the two of us?