Now I'm Just Numb

Chapter 10

Patrick's pov

"But if you loved me,

why'd you leave my?

Take my body,

Take my body."

I sing to myself and stare out Pete's spare bedroom window. I didn't feel like going downstairs at the moment, plus i think the assume I'm still asleep. None of the guys were particularly happy about my 'disappearance' yesterday, but they don't understand.

They've never lost their world. The very person they vowed to spend the rest of their lives with.

I rub my glasses on my top and lie down on the bed. Looking over at the clock on the night stand I see its only half eleven in the morning. A smirk crawls onto my face, with the amount I drank yesterday I expected to be out cold until tomorrow.

Maybe next time i'll take something stronger...

Something to fill the empty void once known as my heart. And at times my brain. I didn't think it was possible for someone to do so much damage to a person.

I've been reduced to a shell of myself, no quality of life anymore. So what was the point anymore? its not like Elisa will take me back, throughout this whole shitty mess i still have some common sense. Plus I doubt the guys would help me find her.

I sigh and scratch my head. This feeling of nothingness is driving me crazy! Sure I feel the odd sense of cold or warmth from a window open or a jacket but nothing else. Its like the void is sucking everything in, like a mini black hole.

I wonder is Elisa feeling it too?

I wonder is her feelings of guilt and misery of ending it tearing her apart? That it overwhelms her like its doing to me. But the worst part is that..even knowing that she was sad would also kill me.

...but it was her who ended it.

Why should I give a damn how she is?

I cover my face with my hands as my flash of anger blows out-at least it was a break from the numbness.

Pull yourself together Patrick! Its been done, you cant' force someone to love you anymore. I need closure or a solution from this god damn mess.

I spring up with a determined expression. Only option seems to be to leave. I should do it now. Just go and end this all. The answer came so quickly and easily it almost scared me-almost, if the void hadn't had been there.

"When you said your last goodbye,

I died a little bit inside,

I lay in tears in bed all night,

Alone without you by my side.

But if you loved me,

Why'd you leave me,

Take my body,

Take my body."