Hidden Scars (Ashton Irwin fanfic)

Chapter 8

"W-what is that?" Ashton stuttered, backing away slowly. I slid down the wall as my body heaved with sobs.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled quietly. "I'm so sorry." I knew exactly what he had seen, what he had thought. To him I was now a sad therapy case. Soon enough I'd be nothing to him. He wouldn't want anyone like me in his life.

"Why?" he asked, finally looking into my eyes. I immediately looked away and shook my head.

"You wouldn't understand." That was a lie. I knew that Ashton would understand. He always understood but I didn't want to talk about it to him. Not to anyone.

"Tell me why," Ashton said, as if he was going to force me. "Don't I make you happy?" I felt a tear slide down my cheek but I didn't wipe it away. I let it fall to my lap and leaving a single dark dot on my skinny jeans.

"Of course you make me happy!" I exclaimed wanting to show him my shocked face but I didn't. If I looked up at him he's have to see the rest of the broken me. I didn't want that. "It's me that makes me this way. I deserve this."

"Babe..." Ash said slowly as he ambled towards me. "You are amazing. Why would you ever think that you deserve all this pain?" He tilted my chin upwards so I could only look into his eyes. His face showed no sign of disgust or anger. It was kind and gentle, showing only sadness and maybe a bit of disappointment.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered. He looked at me as he furrowed his brow.

"You have to let me help you." My body cringed at the word help. I shook my head no. "Yes, Tor. I want you to get better but that won't happen without a little help."

"I don't need help," I whispered as I looked down at the floor.

"Yes you do! Self-harm and depression are serious things. I'm going to help you no matter what you say." I closed my eyes and heard Ashton sigh. "Come on let's get home. My mom is probably getting worried." I stood up and started walking out of the bathroom with Ashton at my side.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. He grabbed my hand lightly squeezed.

"Please promise me you'll try to get better," he said weakly. I looked down and didn't say anything until we came out to the car.

"What are we gonna tell Jo?" I asked Ashton as we climbed in his old car.

"Well we'll probably have to tell her the truth." He turned his car on and pulled out of the parking lot. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window. We drove for a few minutes in silence before Ashton asked, "How long?"

I opened my eyes and looked over at him. "How long since what?"

"How long have you cut yourself?"  He wouldn't look at me and held a complete blank expression. I was beginning to get worried.

"Um...three years," I said after adding it all up in my head.

"Why did you start."

I took a breath in before I decided to spill it all out to Ashton.  "It all started when my dad was shot and killed three years ago. My mom began to use drugs as her therapy while I used self harm. My dad was our anchor. We were lost with out him." The memories of my dad brought tears to my eyes but I wiped them away quickly. Ashton's hand found its way over to my leg and he began to rub circles on my thigh.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

"Nothing to be sorry for." He finally looked over at me and the fear of him being angry or horrified slipped away. He looked genuinely concerned.

"My moms not gonna get home til later so she won't see you. I'm sure we can cleaned up before she gets home and she'll never know. I won't tell her if you promise you'll let me help you." We pulled onto his road and I reluctantly nodded my head. "Thank you." After we pulled into his driveway and walked inside he pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly. I looked up at him and I knew my eyes were teary. He pressed his lips to mine lightly and I melted into him.

"You're so amazing, Tor."

"And you're so sarcastic," I replied, smirking.