Love/Fail

Chapter 3

Annoying Pinspiration Quote #3

"In order to succeed, your desire for success must be greater than your fear of failure."

Acid burbled nervously in my belly as I stood in front of Cody's door. Not his front door; the door to his favourite hut on the Brighton beach strip. For decades, the brightly coloured beach huts had stood in a happy row facing the ocean, each decorated in a different pattern or theme. Cody had always loved the one painted with Australian colours, green and gold, whereas I chose a different one every month.

Our once-a-month beach walks were sacred – nothing ever interfered with the time we'd spend the first Sunday of the month wandering the St Kilda shore, discussing the universe then going for a fattening breakfast somewhere. Today was the first Sunday in spring, and even though the freezy breeze blew, the beach was buzzing with tourists under the pale sun.

This is good timing, I tried to reassure myself. I couldn't bear the thought of embarking on a journey of self-discovery without clueing Cody in on at least some of the details. Of course, as Savannah had reminded me forcibly at the end of our session, it was best I didn't reveal to Cody why I was about to dramatically change my life, but I had to tell him something.

We made up by phone the week before over our disagreement, but I wasn't sure how Cody would take the idea of me throwing all caution to the wind and embracing failure, so I wanted to tell him in person. And I'd be lying if I didn't hope, on some deep, dark level, that when I revealed what it was that I truly wanted, that Cody would reveal he could be the one to give it to me.

"Hey!" The man himself jogged up the beach, his dark eyes flashing as his long limbs navigated the soft sand effortlessly. "Sorry I'm late!"

"I'm early," I countered, rising from my seated position on the step to hug him.

"At least I know where to find you."

His arms surrounded me, and as always, Cody felt like home. Nestling my face into his warm chest, I responded, "You said meet at 'your' hut. There's no misunderstanding that."

He laughed, pulling back. "Hey, this hut is a classic. Aussie colours – what's not to love? Until I actually manage to get overseas, I maintain this is the greatest country on earth."

"One day, we'll fly somewhere cool," I said, taking his arm and leading us down to the firmer sand near the shore. "Disneyland. Africa. Hell, even New Zealand. It's frankly embarrassing that two grown-ass adults haven't managed to leave their home country even once. You have no excuse, mister – you've had a ton of invites to travel to conferences and stuff."

"Yeah. But I always wanted my first time overseas to be for pleasure, adventure. With someone that I love."

"You have a ton of girlfriends who'd be ecstatic to travel with you."

"Love is different to dating, Mia."

Thinking of Seth, I responded, "You're not wrong there."

There didn't seem to be anything more to say. We kept walking in silence for a few minutes until Cody seemed to shake himself out of deep thought. "So, are you going to pick a favourite today?"

I studied the colourful array, each wooden hut in its horizontal stripes, so ordered and logical. It wasn't how I felt at all. As I scraped a stray strand of blonde hair from my glossed lips, I spotted the hut that reflected my mood perfectly. "That one."

Rather than the two-colour scheme most of the huts abided by, the wooden structure I'd picked was in half a dozen different hues, in no particular order. It was subdued and chaotic, and perfect for my mood. "Here," I said, sitting on the step and patting next to me. "Come and chat."