Love/Fail

Chapter 20

Annoying Pinspiration Quote #20

"Honesty is the highest form of intimacy."

On the way home in the tram, I contemplated my world, a stereotypical girl staring out the window on public transport, musing about her life. I thought about my year, the loss of my career and the melting and morphing of all my aspirations.

I got stuck for a while on Savannah. I wasn't ready to forgive her for tricking me, or for placing her relationship with Cody over his friendship with me, but wasn't that exactly what I'd done when I'd chosen Rupert over Cody? Realistically, our friendship was strong enough to survive anything I'd thrown at it so far; it would survive Savannah.

Will I survive, though? If I had to watch her and Cody fawning over each other, I wasn't sure I'd cope long-term. And even if it wasn't Savannah who stood beside him in a white dress and bought a home with him and bore him babies, he'd do those things one day with someone.

And again and again, the same old question arose; why isn't it me? We were a perfect couple. We knew each other on a level most married pairs never experienced, we lived in the same city, had the same goals for family – it was more than an arranged marriage could expect. But the clincher was the romantic attraction, and we'd had that once too, a fire so strong and bright it nearly consumed us.

"Oh, Cody," I whispered to the window. "Why did you never ask me again?" Was it because he'd lost his feelings for me? Did he think I wouldn't want him too? Was he equally afraid of endangering our friendship? I wanted to ask, but how could I even start the conversation without ruining our bond?

My thoughts drifted again, this time settling on Rupert. My blond, irreverent, adoring rock star, who was so wonderful and so temporary. An unfamiliar heat licked up through my centre at the thought of seeing him, running my hands around him waist, pressing myself against him. And just as quickly, the image of the man with the red hair killed my rising libido. Dammit. Would he always be there, lurking, waiting to ruin an act that was supposed to be joy?

Just as I was about to call Rupert and fill him in on the Cody conversation, my phone lit up. "Hey," I said brightly. "I was just thinking about you."

Rupert said, "Oo, what was I wearing? Was it nipple tassels? I look dashing in those."

"Yes – purple sparkly ones."

"Lord, woman! How did you know those are my favourite pair?" He paused, turning serious. "Listen, love, I need to tell you something. Can you meet me somewhere?"

"I'm headed home – do you want to come over?"

"I'll see you there."

Because he was being unusually solemn, I decided to head upstairs back at the café, rather than sit outside with the public. In my little bedroom, I busied myself folding some clothes and doing a general tidy. In the first few weeks of moving home, I had let my room fester in layers of washing and assorted accessories, because the more time I spent in the space, the more I was reminded of being a grown woman who was still living with her dad with limited prospects.

But these days, I kept it neater. I wasn't just living at home; I was managing a business. Sure, I'd never intended to run a café with my father, and clearing plates and making smoothies wasn't in my five-year plan, but I was owning this twist. And my room was the expression of my mental shift.

"Hello there, Mia love!" Rupert flounced into my room and launched himself onto the middle of my freshly made bed.

"Well, hi." I kissed him, enjoying the rub of his chin against my face. He groaned happily as I deepened the kiss. It had been weeks since we'd made out or anything stronger.