Love/Fail

Chapter 10

Annoying Pinspiration Quote #10

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."

One of the things I loved about spending time with Rupert was despite the fact he was a wealthy singer and I had only a tiny, rapidly diminishing nest egg to my name, I never felt as though we weren't equals. So far, everything we'd done together had been possible for any guy to pull off – if he had as much creativity as Rupert, who seemed to toss out unique date ideas like a reality dating show writer.

But Saturday changed that. I'd been told to dress however I wanted, so I'd donned my favourite pale yellow dress, which had long sleeves and fell to mid-thigh. My legs were smooth, ending in my chunky boots, and I liked the clash of the feminine and the manish. With a light cover of mineral foundation and a sweep of mascara, I felt I looked okay – even my hair was behaving itself, falling in pretty albeit thin waves.

Rupert seemed to approve, flouncing into the shop and falling to his knees. "A vision you are, love! Love that colour! Like sunshine or scrambled eggs or aged tequila! Is your underwear yellow too?"

"Play your cards right tonight and you might find out," I teased, crossing the store to pull him to his feet.

He fell all the way to the worn lino, gasping and covering his crotch. "Sorry, no. After that little taunt, all the blood has temporarily left my legs to move elsewhere. Please check back in later. Oo, while I'm waiting for my massive erection to disappear, so you don't feel overwhelmed-"

"Funny, I can't see anything overwhelming. Are you sure it's massive?"

"-To protect your eyes, why don't you go grab you camera?"

"My camera? Why?"

"Please, woman! Go find your camera! Give me my dignity! Oh, hello, ma'am."

A customer entered the store, looked strangely at Rupert, who lay on the floor with his hands on his groin. He was an interesting sight, dressed in his rock star best; leather pants, a black tuxedo jacket, a Kangol cap, and an assortment of leather and silver jewellery. The lady apparently did not know what to make of him, stepped over his body calmly and proceeded to shop.

As I laughed, Rupert sighed. "Clearly, that's all I am to some people – an obstacle in the road of life. Well, I'll stay here and keep doing my best speed hump impression and you get your snappy-photo-taking-thingy – alright?"

"Fine." I knew better than to argue with Rupert. Heading upstairs, I lifted my camera bag delicately from my door knob. I had a great Cannon SLR, but had rarely used it. Most of the time, taking photos on a phone was enough, and using the professional camera seemed forced – as if I was trying too hard to capture significant images out of the ordinary, being pretentious for the sake of it. After all, I wasn't being paid to take photos.

But the bag felt good against my side as I hurried back to the shop, only to find Rupert still on the floor, conversing with a dog that was tied up at the front door. "Well, I don't know, dude. I got ninety nine problems, but a bitch ain't one, you know what I mean?"

"Don't swear at my dog!" said the woman who'd previously stepped over Rupert.

"Actually, bitch is the technical term for a female dog. It's only humans who attach negative connotations to an otherwise harmless term, init? You could clearly tell I wasn't using it as an insult now, was I?"

She grabbed the dog and huffed out. From behind us, my dad bellowed in laughter. "Rupert, I like you," he said.

"Hullo, Albert. I like you too. In fact, if I wasn't mad about your daughter, I might consider asking you out on a date."