Love/Fail

Chapter 7

Annoying Pinspiration Quote #7

"Failure is an event, not a person."

"Hey." I entered my Dad's lounge room with trepidation, finding Cody sitting on the rocker/recliner Rupert had slept on only a few nights before. In an ivy green shirt and tailored pants, he looked every inch the successful professional he was, and he appeared out of place in my worn home, like spotting an elegant vase at a dodgy garage sale.

He stood up, shamefaced. "Hey. Hi."

"What's up?"

"I came to say sorry. I was a complete douche the other day on the phone."

"Yes, you were." I folded my arms. "Tell me why."

"I don't know. I mean, I do. I just... I'm sorry." His thick eyebrow creased apologetically. "I was a tool, and it won't happen again."

Sighing, I said, "It better not. I don't really like it when people insinuate that I'm sleeping around."

"You are a grown woman, M. You have the right to sleep with anyone you choose without me getting in your way. Just maybe... don't mention it too much around me?"

"Easy," I said, knowing that there was nothing to mention. Not yet. I didn't plan on jumping into bed with Rupert on Saturday, but if things kept going, I knew we'd end up there at some stage. I gave Cody the benefit of the doubt. "Look, I actually get it - I've always dated beige boys that not even my dad had to worry about. Now, you saw me with a flamboyant celebrity, and you're just going into big brother mode."

"Sort of. I mean not really. I just..." He seemed to lose the courage to keep going with the conversation and instead changed the subject. Looking at my outfit, he asked, "Have you been at the gym? I thought you stopped your memembership?"

"I've been with Rupert," I said evenly.

"Oh. Again?"

"Yes, again. We're... spending time together."

"Mia, how much do you know about this guy?"

"I know enough. I know he's kind, fun, hasn't pressured me for sex, and makes me laugh."

Cody reached for me, then changed his mind when he saw my body, taut with annoyance. "I'm not trying to ruin anything for you, M. I just don't want to see you getting hurt. Rupert Marx is world famous - have you thought about what will happen to your privacy if people think you're dating? Or how he could disappear at any moment? You've lost enough this year."

Frustrated, I walked away into the kitchen, pouring a glass of water just for distraction. After downing half of it, I felt calm enough to answer him. "Cody, if the paparazzi find me, they are going to get bored very quickly, because I'm just not that interesting. I'm sure Rupert's been with a ton of girls - like someone else I know," I phrased pointedly, "so I doubt they get all excited by every random chick he spends time with."

"He's not a stable bet," insisted Cody.

"I'm not looking for stable or a bet. I'm trying to have some experiences, remember? Get away from my fear of failing?" I showed him my scabby hands. "I went on a trapeze today. I was scared and I did it anyway. Do you know how long it's been since I pushed through my fear and accomplished something scary?"

"Since that day," said Cody quietly.

I flinched, the layered memories washing over me; the heartbreak, the sweetness, the loss. "You're right. A lot of things changed that day. I changed that day. It's taken me ten years, but I'm trying to rebuild my confidence because since everything went down then, I've been walking around with this massive fear that if I lose anything more, I'll never recover."