The Live of an Outsider

Chapter 3

~~~ Possible trigger warning near the end of this chapter. Mentioning of self harm and a small scene but not too graphic. Be warned and skip the part.~~~

School. Awesome. Back to this hell-hole after the free times...

Charlie was riding the bike to school, dreading it to the max.

It was so much stress. She overthought everything, stressed about everything you can imagine. School was taking its toll and it hadn't even started yet.

Going to school with mental illnesses and a lot of stuff to think about was really difficult, but putting up the happy, 'normal' mask was the hardest.

She arrived at a school and waited until school was about to start.

I only have to survive until 1pm, after that I can go home again and relax.

"Hey!" Her friend Meagan greeted.

"Hey. How are you? Had a nice vacation?"

"I'm good, and my vacation was amazing! I had such a great time!..." Meagan kept on babbling, Charlie kept on smiling and nodding.

She was happy her friend had a great time.

She didn't really hear what her friend said but she just acted happy, for the sake of her friend.

"And how was your vacation?" Meagan asked me.

"Oh, it was nice, bad weather but it was as fun as it could be with 3 stepbrothers."

"Oh yeah, you went away with your stepbrothers. Poor you."

"Yeah, it was fine until the last day when there was a fight again."

And the lessons began.

She survived the day, thank god.

She went back to home on the bike, music blasting in her ears.

Life of the party from Shawn Mendes was her favorite song of the moment, so it was playing everytime she had the chance.

When she got home, she grabbed her dog and went for a small walk outside.

She always enjoyed walking.

In that time her mind was finally empty and quiet. She could finally hear herself think, of normal things.

It may make her worry, the things she thought about. But it was nicer to think those thoughts in a calm area, than thinking them in a busy area when I can't hear myself or order my thoughts.

After the walk I could sit again and relax, luckily I didn't need to learn for anything yet as it was just the first week.

So she just sat down, grabbed a book, turned on a tv and relaxed until her mom came home.

"Hey, darling! How are you? How was your day?" Her mom asked.

"Hey, mom. I'm good, and school was just school after a vacation."
She said putting away her book.

And after that her mom went away again and started cooking.

Luckily she didn't had anything today to yell at me for. She thanked god. She didn't like it and couldn't handle it when her mom got angry at her.

She didn't eat the dinner but went straight to her room, put on her tv and grabbed her phone this time.

She started searching everything up she thought about.

The thing she thought about were her mental illnesses, her sexuality and her gender.

And that was what she looked up.
And watching youtube videos of people playing games or video clips of songs.

She had found friends on her tumblr, and it helped her. They could help her order her thoughts because her mind was such a mess. They helped her for distraction from the bad thoughts.

And some had the same problem as her. They could relate, which was the best help she could get.

She had found one girl, she didn't had all the same problems as Charlie, but the same issues.

She had some mental illnesses, struggles and she, too, was a hybrid.

Her name was Nataly. And she was a hybrid between a Valkyrie, from her moms side, and an Angel, from her dads side.

And she had to keep quiet.

And she had mental illnesses.

And she had struggles with her sexual, romantic orientation and gender.

They were mutuals on tumblr, exchanged numbers and were just each others listening ear.

Charlie loved it, and Nataly appreciated it too from what she said.

But Charlie's problems only grew once school had started.

Her sister had said she was going to move out and live with her boyfriend.

Her sister was her buddy at home, most of the time.

And now she will leave, and she will miss her, for sure.

School has begun so that added stress.

And the quietness and the problems, oh god the problems.

It got too much for her.

So she escaped, in the worst way possible.

She turned to self harm.

She grabbed a blade every night she felt bad, so same with this night.

Tuesday night. Thoughts overwhelming, stress too high.

And the blade was calling her.

So she answered.

I shouldn't do it. I know I shouldn't do it. But I can't help myself. I have to.

So she dragged the blade across those god damned dry legs of her.

Those legs, that were part of the problem.

That probably made her like this, mentally unstable.

The blood was slowly dripping out, and Charlie grabbed a towel to clean it up.

I have never seen a vision of myself dying, so it isn't as bad as people think. Because my Banshee never screamed.

After Charlie cleaned it all up she went to sleep, but her sleep wasn't normal sleep.

Her sleep was her perfect world.

She did dream, but her dreams followed up.

She lived a life in her dreams, every night again. With the life she wants.