After thoughts and choices

An explination

Killua's P.O.V
I'm still trying to grasp a hold of what Gon meant when he said "I'm so sorry..." Did he have something to do with the separation? Did he just feel bad? Why am I even doubting him on the first place! He lets go of me and grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes and says "are you going to do it?" First of all, what?! What does he mean "are you going to do it", what does he mean by that!? Second, why did he have such a desperate expression like he was on the verge of tears almost about to leak out, as if his life force is just draining. I can mentally and physically understand his current emotion but.... Why? Why was he feeling this way? What made him change from extremely happy to extremely depressed in an instant no less! "G-Gon what do you mean?" I wipe his watery eyes and the couple stray tears that we're starting to roll down his smooth cheeks, "are you really going to leave me for Alluka....?" His tears just become streams and no matter what I tried I couldn't stop them from coming, unsure of what to answer I just hug him, pat his head and say "no, of course not..." I can feel my tears begin to develop as I watch Alluka go in the gate and back home... What did I just witness....

Gon's P.O.V
Before I smothered Killua in a hug I heard Alluka whisper to me saying "he's going to leave you, for me.." And that's why I began to cry, or at least half of the reason... Hearing Killua reassure me that he isn't going to leave me makes me incredibly happy, but.... Something didn't sit right, it didn't feel quite as magical as before.... Didn't have the spark when we first met... I felt guilt and shame for taking Killua away from Alluka... I pull Killua away from me and ask "sure you sure... You can always go with Alluka...if you want... We could s-still write to e-each other.." I could feel more tears as I began to tremble at the thought of never being able to see Killua again and just sticking to letters... But what I had just said might have been my biggest mistake yet...

Alluka's P.O.V
I head back to the gate, I already warned Gon of the future but of course he didn't listen... I open the door and look back one last time to see Oni-chan looking at me while hugging Gon with tears streaming down his eyes... I knew it... They can't be together with all of the guilt and pressure, so I give oni-chan a light-hearted smile and walk through the door. I meet up with Canary and ask her to tell one last lie if Oni-chan were to stumble across her again. "Tell Oni-chan that if he's planning on coming home that I don't want to see him, make him feel guilty.." I can't help but have a devious smile as I feel my eyes begin to water as I realize what kind of trap I just set... I can never forgive Gon..... Even if he was my friend...