At the beginning of this year at school I got up each day at six in the morning.
I was so unbelievably optimistic, I thought this was going to be my year, I thought that now I'm 13 and not 12 anymore my entire life had fallen into place ( not ) and already it's all falling apart. Mostly anyway.
My new best friend is making me a complete third wheel. Like no joke.
We walk in a TRIANGLE her and her best friend at the front and me, (her second best friend) just walking behind trying to keep up.
That's how it was for a while until I started getting vibes her best friend didn't like me but I thought it was just because I was paranoid so I pushed it to the back of my head so I wouldn't think about it anymore. But the only problem is that I'm really shy and awquard (please mind my terrible spelling 😂) so I don't talk much.
My biggest fear is being like my ex best friend who victimised anyone who tried o get close to me because she wanted me to herself. And now I'm scared that it seems like I'm like that but I'm not I promise .
A while ago I was in Ye car listening to music and contemplating life when it hit me. I need to get as close as I can to my best friends best friend because I don't want to pull a real life Rosie so every chance I got I was as nice to her as possible, when she lost her phone I went back into the school with her to find it even tho it would make me late home. And when I had chewing gum I let her take not just one but two even tho I was running out.
I know none of this sounds like much but I was doing everything I could to try and get close to her. But then when we were just finishing getting our food at lunch and we were about to go and sit down she says this,
"Why do you always give me nasty looks and be all silent when I'm around you"
And then it hit me ... She didn't like me because she thought I didn't like her.
I had a total face palm moment 😑 (but it was in my head)
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to" I replied in my Normal quiet weirdo voice but all she did was sigh and walk to the front of the triangle leaving me behind like always.
I felt like a worthless piece of crap, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But that wasn't it, I knew I wanted to do something about it but I wasn't sure what all I did know was that it was important that I did.
Later on that night I was talking with my best friend and she said she had been messaging her, and she said that her best friend doesn't like the person I am.
How my mind responds: challenge accepted I don't like you either I think ur a judgemental bitch.
How my mouth responds: it's just because she doesn't like the person she thinks I am, if she actually got to know me she might like me
So it's pretty easy to see the diffrence, I never speak my mind if I did everybody would hate me, that's why I love this blog so much 🙆🏼🎀💗
It means I have somewhere to express how I feel 🎀 somewhere
where I can feel heard 👊🏼
So Ye the next day she ditched my bestfriend for some other girls, but only for a day. It felt nice to have a day without a triangle to walk on the back of, it was just two people walking together 😊 I wish I could have that all the time but I can't, it just wouldn't be fair to split them up after them being bestfriends with each other for two years
Thanks for reading my blog xoxosamhirdxoxo 💗
