The Man Of My Nightmares (Septiplier) **DISCONTINUED**

Him

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide, self harm, anorexia.
Disclaimer: This was started a long long time ago so I'm so sorry if I remind you of... The thing...

"Do we have to go?!" I pleaded. I'd been going to regular therapy sessions with different counselors for at least a year now, and I hated it. All it did was make everything worse since it made me think harder about things people say and do to me.

"Oh, c'mon hun, you need this. I don't want you to end up like your father." Ma replied.

"Just because I get... Bullied everyday," I said thinking carefully about the word bullied. "Doesn't mean I'm gonna end up in prison."

"Well I'm not taking any chances. We're going to Ted whether you like it or not." She replied in a stern voice.

The rest of the car ride was silent until we got to Ted's office. Well, the waiting room. Ma asked if i wanted her to stay with me. God, I'm not ten for fucks sake. I mumbled under my breath as I let out a simple "no."

"Okay, call me when you're done."

I was there like half an hour early, so I went on YouTube on my phone. As the seats filled with more patients (it was a shared waiting room), a guy sat next to me. He had the most majestic black hair and glasses. Wow, he was so handsome. I hate admitting it, but I'm gay and did I mention how hot this guy was?! People started filing out as they finished their sessions and me and this guy were left alone. We were both watching YouTube when I noticed we were both watching the same video. What are the chances? I could tell he noticed as he held his fist out to me. I returned the brofist with a "meeeeh- heeeh." He removed his earbuds and revealed his name as Mark. Mark, what a nice name. I loved how it rolled off my tongue so nicely. I told him my name was Jack, not revealing that it was just a nickname. I was surprised how well we clicked. I usually would scoot away if someone was even remotely near me. It felt like eternity talking about YouTube and stuff. He noticed my accent and I told him I moved from Ireland a year ago.

Without thinking, I blurted out "Why are you here?"

"I'm here because.... Uh.... A.. Friend....." Tears welled up in his eyes as I realized what a big mistake i made.

"Oh my god, sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Sean?" Ted called from the doorway. Oh thank god. That was awkward.

"Hey, I thought your name was Jack?" Mark called behind me as I started toward Ted.

"Oh, hey Mark, why are you so early?" Ted asked
Mark looked away almost shamefully.

Ted walked me to his office. "So, how've you been?" He said in his fake voice that's meant to make you more open to him.
"Good..."
"I see you've met Mark. He's a wonderful guy. You would be great friends."
"Yea.." I always tried to amswer with short answers as to not start a conversation. I think im pretty good at it, really.
"Y'know, he's feeling pretty bad because of a lost lobed one, so you want to try and cheer him up?"
"Like, together?"
"Yeah, exactly! I'm trying to experiment with my style and I think that people like you and Mark should try sessions together." We went outside.

Mark looked up, dumbfounded. Ted explained what was happening and we went into his office. Ted asked Mark to explain why he was here and before Mark could argue that he already explained, he begged Mark to just work with him. In my experience with Phsychologists, this has never happened. Mark gave in and spoke thus: "So.. The reason I'm here is... Well.. I'm obviously fucked up..."
"Mark." Ted gave a stern look.
"Right, so my best friend I'd known since elementary made me promise to be good to myself and... Well he didn't do the same.. And he.. Well, he died. And my father had a heart attack and may be on his deathbed. To top it all off, my..... girlfriend.. Broke up with me. and also I s-.." He said "girlfriend" as if it were some foreign concept and the last part of what he said was basically inaudible. His eyes watered slightly. The room went silent.

I felt my throat start to burn.Oh god, not now. In the back of my mind, something clicked which said "Jack, you fool. Why are you here? Look, your problems are so minor compared to him. You have great conditions. Why the fuck do you cry everyday? Why do you harm yourself? You fucking worthless piece of shit!" I felt my eyes water. Slowly, then all at once, tears rushed down my face. My whole body tensed up. I reached for the tissue box and aggressively scraped the tears from my face, trying to deny the anxiety. I realized it was useless and without warning, ran to the bathroom down the hall. I leaned over the sink staring at the bright red face on top of my oversized blue hoodie. Boy, how I hated my looks. I heard my heart drumming in my ears as I sloppily walked into a stall and locked it. I closed the toilet lid and sat on it. I took off my hoodie and threw it onto the floor. I stared at my legs. The legs that, despite not touching, were never good enough. I glanced at my arms before bringing them to my eyes. Row after row of ugly scars, scabs, bruises, and markings scattered across my skin like leaves in the wind. I pounded on the cubicle door, thus hurting my already bruised hand. At that, I heard footsteps approaching. Ted. Of course. I trying to slow my breathing and quiet my sobbing, failing in the process. I heard Ted's voice change as he said genuinely "Sean? I'm so sorry if I did something wrong, I only wanted to help."
"I-i-i-i..." I tried to speak, but my voice broke. I opened the cubicle door.
"What's that?" Ted asked innocently as he looked me over. I always wore big hoodies to his office, so he didn't know how skinny I was or how banged up my skin was. It doesn't even stop at my arms, its everywhere. I gave up trying to speak and shoved myself back into the hoodie and wiped my face a final time. I walked past Ted with an annoyed expression.

Back in the office, I apologized to Mark as Ted walked in. We pretended nothing happened and just got on with it. "Right, so i-im he-ere because as I m-mentioned, I moved from... Ireland and people here aren't exactly accepting of that... It doesn't help that I... Well.. Quite obviously, I have anxiety... I... Um..." I paused. Do I show him, or do I tell him? I took a deep breath, but before I did anything, I remembered I just met this guy, what am I doing? I decided I'd just tell him anyways. "I h-have self-image... Issues, I self harm.... And forgive me for saying this, but I have considered, and planned a deliberate death..." Silence. Ted said something about how we can help each other, but me and Mark just stared at each other. His eyes sparkled like glass, while mine felt like they were on fire. I scanned his body. He wore a red and black flannel, perfectly suiting his dark eyes and hair. Blue straight-legged jeans. My eyes wandered to a place I was embarrassed of when he noticed. I blushed and looked away. Why did he have to be so hot? If he weren't straight, I would totally go for that. I fiddled with my hands as I smiled to myself. Ted gave us each a post-it and a pen to exchange numbers. I had no idea what he was talking about before, but I wrote my phone number and put a cheeky little love heart next to it. We exchanged papers. I looked at the clock and lo and behold, it was time to leave.

Ma was outside and asked how it went. I gave the generic "good" and remained silent and smiley the whole way home. I ran up to my room and immediately texted Mark something I almost immediately regretted. "I love you ;)" Why did I do that?! I tried to say it was an accident and I put my phone away. One firm punch to the arm. I logged onto YouTube on my laptop.

A/n: Sorry it's a bit short, im trying my best. Just like the other book I'm writing, it acts as a way to vent, so sorry if there are some heavy subjects in here...... Yea see ya in the next one.
~Steph