The Man Of My Nightmares (Septiplier) **DISCONTINUED**

Quiet Nights

Quick warning: self harm, eating disorder, other shit idfk

*Ping*

I looked at my phone. Mark. Of course.

J: I love you. ;)
J: Wrong person sorry
M: Who was that supposed to go to? Do you have a girlfriend?
J: No
M: Wtf who was that for?
J: My friend, its an inside joke
M: Oh.
M: Are you sure?
J: What's that supposed to mean?
M: Nvm
M: So, wyd?
J: YouTube
M: Me too
J: What are you watching?
M: Dan and Phil
J: Cool
J: Sorry, that was a lie
M: Oh what, I'm not cool XD
J: Nvm
M: Oh
M: Y'know, I lied about the girlfriend thing today...
J: ??
M: I didn't have a girlfriend
J: so.. You made it up?
M: no
J: I'm confused
M: it was my boyfriend
J: Wait, so are you like bi or pan or something?
M: No I'm gay. Hundred percent
J: Shut up
M: Seriously
J: You're full of shit
M: Would this help?

He sent a picture of him kissing his ex boyfriend.

J: You're joking
M: I'm not, I swear!
J: Do you sneak out at night?
M: Sometimes.
J: Where do you live?
M: By the library.
J: Meet me at the park at midnight.
M: k
M: Wait. Why?

I turned my phone display off before he sent the last text, so he wouldn't know I read it. Its amazing, I might actually have a chance with this guy! I smiled to myself all while watching my favourite videos on my laptop. Before I knew it, it was 6:30. Dinner time. Fuck. Dinner time means having to break my mother's heart by locking myself up until she gave up trying and ate by herself. I do it so much that you'd think I would be used to it by now, but I still die a little inside whenever it happens. "JACK!?" Ma shouted from downstairs.
"YEA?"
"DINNER'S READY!"
"NAH"
"Jack." She started up the stairs.
"I'm not hungry."
"Did you eat at school?" I wanted to lie, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
"No."
"Come on, you need to eat something."
"Leave me alone." I said in my most stern voice possible. My voice cracked slightly, but my voice is so high on its own, she probably didn't notice.
"Sean. Please, remember what happened to your sister."
"I promise I'm not like that, okay? I'll eat later." She walked away slowly as I did the lock on my door. I caught a glimpse of her trudging down the stairs defeatedly. Ever since dad was taken to an out-of-state prison, mum hasn't been herself. I'm worried about her, but I'm probably overreacting, as I always do. I just hate that I'm the youngest in the family. Being the youngest doesn't mean you get what you want, it means you're ignored until your siblings move away, then your parents care too much about you. Nobody wins. I muttered to myself in Gaeilge. I stuck my headphones in and turned them on full volume to shut out everything. After a couple hours, my stomach started aching again. I did something that I hate doing, but it helps me, so I do it anyways. I started typing words into the search bar such as "thinspo" "bonepso" "pro ana" and I watched those videos. The same videos I watch everytime I search those words up. I was in the middle of a video, humming and singing quietly to myself, and I must have passed out, because the only thing i remember after that was waking up on the floor, my laptop turned and my headphones tangled everywhere. I must've hit my head on my bed, because there was quite a pain in that general area. Luckily, it wasn't too long and ma hadn't tried to check on me. I cleared the images of bony girls from my mind. I wasn't attracted to girls, I didn't want to be a girl, but hell, I wanted to look like these girls. I wanted to be like a walking diagram of human anatomy. I wanted to go till there was nothing left. I wanted to be skinny. To be happy. I pulled out the scale from under my bed. The one I had bought in secret one night. I took off my hoodie and stood on it. 93.6 lbs What is that, like forty something kilos? Underweight, but not by enough. I'll be happy the day I reach 60.