The Man Of My Nightmares (Septiplier) **DISCONTINUED**

Fluttering

I jolted up, panicked. I instantly woke up and saw the purpley pink light filter through my window. I just lay there absolutely mind blown at the fact that I had slept so long. Ma is gonna be pissed. I stood up and grabbed the first set of clothes I could and checked my phone. 6:30 pm. I am an idiot. I slumped back onto my bed. I don't even care about the videos I missed today. I was too busy worrying about what people would say when i get to school tomorrow. Tomorrow. I don't want to go tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to stay home. But I can't act for the life of me, so maybe not. I put on my iPod to drown the silence-I couldn't be bothered with Mark's worry right now. The sounds reminded me of Malcolm. Reminded me of how I tried to be like him so he would accept me. Most of the songs were remnants from that time. When he was big in to System of a Down and I pretended to be. The first song, of course, was Lonely Day. A song I added when it first came out, before my brother moved away. Such a bland song to complement the lyrics and give the effect of being alone and bored. Today was a lonely day. The loneliest, in fact.

As I entered the school, I was greeted by lilac curls and a shining smile. The glasses she wore reflected the time spent the same way I always do. It was her. I don't know who she was, but I marveled at how happy she was. With a playful voice she spoke: "Hey, Irish buddy! How are you today?"
"Fine, thanks." I rolled my eyes and smiled faintly.
"You don't look fine, be happy!" She said in an innocent childish voice.
"Who are you and how am I your 'buddy'? We barely met, you only asked for directions!" I snarled at her.
"I'm Lily. I just thought we could be friends. You're the only one who was willing to talk to me."
"Because everyone was to busy making fun!" I did not want to be talked to this early.
"That's what I like abo-"
"YOU LIKE THE FACT THAT EVERYONE HERE HATES ME! IS THAT IT?" My voice cracked as I realized the truth in my statement.
"No, i was going to say you're different. I like different because I am different myself." I breathed before I spoke.
"Sorry, I have terrible self control. Can we start over? I'm Sean, but most people call me Jack." I was pleased to see her smile become more warm and understanding.
"I'm still Lily. Can I just ask, why do you do it?" A brief paused fell over the two of us as my heart crumbled in my chest. "Besides the bullying I guess.."
"Do w-what?" I knew the answer, but I wondered if she did too.
"You cut yourself, starve yourself, put yourself down, and cry everyday. Why?" A look of concern that was all too familiar.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Well, you've got scars and scabs on your arms and probably elsewhere. Let's be honest, even with the shape of the clothes you wear, there is no mistaking the fact that you are terribly underweight. And you've got teary, bloodshot eyes outlined in deep purple. But yet you try to hide it."
"You'll have to find out for yourself, I'm afraid." This time, a long silence.
"I can tell by your looks that you probably are a big fan of the internet, aren't you?"

Mark tried to sneak up behind me, not knowing I'd seen him. He took me into an embrace and since I was kind of immobilized, I just stood there like an idiot. My cheeks flushed as I smiled. My heart fluttered, for this is the man I wanted. But will never get... I saw Lily giggle out the corner of my eye.

"Aw, y'all cute." Lily said, her face going the same shade as the sunset I woke to yesterday evening.
"No, no. Hah, that's nice, but were both tragically heterosexual." Little did I know, he would go on to say that for years on end. Will I even have a chance? I cast him a rather desperate glance, hoping Lily wouldn't notice. But then again, what if I don't last to the day he accepts me? But what do I know, I'm just hyped up on hormones. My eyes fluttered as they tried to hold back oceans. I felt burning streams creep down my face. Of course, it was no one but myself who could crush my world when I thought I was well. No. I smiled as Lily tried to pry at my feelings. She eventually gave up and spoke to Mark. They started to bond, started to laugh. Sinking. I ran off. If they'd rather be with each other, then they can't be mad if I'm not there. What am I to them? They've got futures, I've got, at most, maybe a tragic end that everyone saw coming.

My stomach shrieked just as Mr. Ridgewell passed by, slipping a poptart into my hand. "Take care of yourself, see you in art, kiddo." I loved his comforting tone, his patience. But what if I never see it again? I tried halfheartedly to follow his advice, but I couldn't. I didn't want to disappoint like I always do. But maybe someday, I will be better. Maybe someday I'll look back on this and think why would I say that, that's nothing compared to the happiness I feel today. Maybe I will be alright. I hope... I hope.

A/n: SORRY ITS SO SHORT, I HAVE AN IDEA FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, AND I COULDNT WAIT!! Again sorry for the wait.. Bad week, bad month. Buuuut, I may be able to speak with one of my favourite teachers before she retires, and hopefully I'll get a bit better. Also, I've started talking to my long distance friend again and I love her so much.