The Imitation Phantom

Chapter 13

Movement 4 - Sinfonia Concertante
Chapter 13 - Forgiveness

Erik sat across from Felix. He didn't know what to say. His son had always been so sensitive and to confront him about the gun, well, he just wasn't sure what he could say. Felix wouldn't meet his gaze, he couldn't even sit still. The silence was grating. Felix swallowed audibly.

"I didn't think." He started suddenly. "I didn't think I just I-I saw an opening. And I was so..so... I just wanted to hurt him! I wanted to strangle him but I knew I couldn't take him so I took the gun and I-I thought I could kill him. I could do it."

It bubbled out all at once. Erik sat silently, listening to the description of a moment he had experienced too many times.

"Just listening to him, there was so much noise! Like people banging metal in my head, it was pounding. I had to make it stop. I had to shut him up, to hurt him, to watch him struggle. I wanted to make him hurt. I was hot and shaking and it just... To see him get scared. It felt good. I wanted to smile." He wrapped his arms around himself and his voice dropped to a whisper. "It scared me. Was it, was it madness? Is it happening? Am I going-"

"No." Erik cut him off. Felix looked up. He softened his voice. "No, you're not mad. What you felt was rage. Fear. But not madness."

"But the noise!"

"A sneeze is a symptom of a cold, it is not an illness itself. My boy, I suffer more than noise."

"But," he searched for his question. "What?"

Erik sighed slowly and leaned back. "I feel these... Lapses in time. One moment I am in control and then it's as if I wake and I've been sleepwalking. I feel something push me aside, as though someone else is controlling my body."

"He." Felix murmured.

"Hm?"

"You say 'he,' sometimes, when you're talking about yourself. You say Erik will do this or Erik can't do this. And then Maman will touch you and you stop. Like Maman cures it."

Erik nodded slowly. "My music calmed the noise, it soothed the madness. But your mother, she makes it silent. You have your work to soothe you but you must find what will stop it."

Felix shifted and looked at his hands. "Maman helps. But Geor-" He curled his lips in and shook his head.

"Georgiana has done much to help you. There's nothing to be ashamed of in that. She is a good friend to you; I'm glad you found each other."

Felix shook his head again. "She's afraid of me now. It's no use thinking of her. I should leave her alone."

Erik narrowed his eyes and studied his son's sullen expression, the way he reluctantly noted that it was best to avoid the one person that could help him like his family couldn't. "I frighten your mother sometimes. You've noticed." Felix nodded sheepishly. "Sometimes I am too much for her. But she knows I never mean it. She trusts me not to hurt her or you two. And that is enough for her. I suspect Georgiana is much the same. You don't want to leave her, do you?"

Felix shook his head. Satisfied that his plan may work after all, Erik relaxed. "Good. I have arranged for you to stay. Paris will do you good with more time. There is a man I had contacted when we came." Felix frowned. Erik continued thoughtfully. "Alexandre Bönickhausen. I showed him your sketches, some time before this all began. He is willing to take you in as an apprentice. We have the money, I can pay to keep you in Paris if you wish. And if Alouette can get into Conservatoire, then perhaps I can persuade your mother to let me buy a townhouse. And here we may stay. So you may have your work to make you happy, all the buildings and tunnels in Paris to explore, and if Georgiana is what makes your noise silent, then you may be here to enjoy such a blessing."