PS: I Love You! (A Cody Simpson Love Story)

Chapter 18; Homecoming

Ashley's POV: 

I stopped completely when I saw Cody in the kitchen. Do I want to talk to him? 

He stares at me intently, before speaking. His voice tender, and hoarse at the same time. "How are you?" he asks. He seems almost scared to ask me. 

I sigh. Why is he asking me this? How does he think I am? 

"Not great" I admit. 

Now that I see him today, I have to fight my tears. I don't want to cry in front of him. I don't want him to see how hurt I really am. I know that he can tell, but still. 

Cody seems unsure of what to do. Unsure of how close he's allowed to get, of what he should and can say. 

"Can we talk?" He asks quietly after what seems like hours of just us staring at each other. 

My head is screaming no, but my heart gives in and I nod. At first he seems surprised that he didn't have to fight more. And I shouldn't have given in so early. I should hate him with every emotion in my body, and I should kick and scream and shout and make him know how much he has broken me, but I can't. 

I just can't. 

"Do you want to go outside?" he asks me, and once again I just nod. I'm afraid of what will happen when I speak. 

We go to sit on the patio, in the corner, so if anyone comes home they won't walk straight into the possible chaos. 

We sit with a distance that makes the restraint and tenseness between us apparent. 

I'm not sure if I want him to speak first, or if I want me to guide the conversation. 

But once again my mouth seems to have a mind of its own. 

"I am not going to sit here and listen to you apologise and cry about how much of a mistake it was" I begin. Cody looks at. His eyes are still read from crying. 

"I don't want to hear that. Because it was the biggest mistake of your life. It was. Because you broke me in the process." I say, looking down at the floor. I'm afraid that if I look at him, I'll melt into his grasp. 

"I just need you to tell me why. Why did you do it? Are you unhappy? What could I have done better?" I can't hold it in anymore, and tears stream down my face as my voice breaks. 

Cody reaches for me, but I scoot away. I glance at him and his eyes are also filled with hurt, and pain and tears. 

"I-I..." he sighs, as if he doesn't have the answers himself. "I don't know" he whispers. Suddenly, a flash of anger jolts through me. Is that all he has to say? He doesn't know? That makes it even worse! Had he at least had a reason. Had I not given him the love he needed, or the attention he craved maybe I could some day understand better, but no. 

"What do you mean you don't know? You just woke up that day and decided you didn't love me?" I am shouting now. I don't care who hears. 

"Of course not! I don't know because...... I don't know!" 

I snicker.

 "Screw you Cody. I gave you this chance and you still make a mockery out of me" 

My voice alters between hurt and anger. 

"Don't say that, baby - you know that's not the case" 

"Do I? You're not giving me any explanation for anything. I'm not doing this right now" I say and I am truly done with this conversation.