Mattie's POV
I remember the dizziness. I remember spinning. Numbness ran through my body and my legs. The familiar sensation of pure euphoria ran and coursed through my veins. The nausea was temporary and it went away with a few deep breaths. I was ready for this. I was ready for the pain to end. It ran deeply into my mind, going back as far as I could remember. It was like an old friend, waiting to greet me with open arms. Pain was there the first time I ran a razor blade across my thigh. It was there when I got my rejection letters from every college I had applied to, while Addison had four to choose from. Pain was there, spreading across my cheek and my heart every time Hunter had hit me, every time he had put me down and called me worthless. It was there with every drink, toke, and pill I had taken. And now, pain would be with me until the end.
My skin started to tingle and flush. "Cool down, I need water...". My mouth was dry and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I stood slowly and walked to the shower, I started the water and turned it to cold. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I stepped in the glass shower doors. I felt my foot fly out from underneath me. I heard a crack that knocked me to my senses and I reached back to touch the base of my hairline. My vision was blurry. I couldn't see what was on my hand. Something thick, dark, and sticky. It didn't bother me, I didn't feel a thing. The water felt nice, calming even. I rolled to my side and felt myself slipping into delirium. I sighed and closed my eyes.
***
"Mattie! Mattie! Wake up!"
I wanted to open my eyes, but I couldn't. They were too heavy and they wanted to stay closed forever. I heard the voice again from far away. "Mattie, you can't leave me. I love you, so much. Don't leave me". I willed my lips to move, but they didn't, "Corey?" I saw his face flash in my memory. I heard his voice in my ears, singing to me as we danced in the conference room. I heard his laugh ringing in my ears as we told each other jokes late at night in his bed. I saw his eyes, light blue like crystals and sparkling. I felt his touch, his hands rough in mine. I felt his lips, whisper soft against my own as we snuck kisses while Addison wasn't looking. But most of all, I saw him. Corey in all of his passion and strength. I saw his soul. I willed my eyes to open, but they wouldn't. "Corey, Corey! Help me! I don't want this anymore! Make it go away!" I screamed inside my thoughts. I felt something hard hit my back. My stomach gurgled. I felt it again, harder this time. My eyes opened just enough, I saw Corey. He was rocking me in his arms and hitting my in the middle of my back. My stomach couldn't take it anymore. I leaned quickly over as far as I could and threw up violently. When I was done, I felt Corey take me into his arms again. I looked at his face. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "C-Corey?" I said out loud. More tears sprang to his eyes. "What happened?!", he yelled as he flung the comforter off of the bed, flinging it around us.
"I don't..." I began to say but I heard a loud BANG! in the distance. "Mattie!" Addison screamed as she ran towards Corey and myself. Before I knew what was happening, a man in a blue paramedic suit was in front of my face. Corey leaned back, giving him room. He began to unwind Corey and I from the comforter, "No. I want to stay..." I thought as I reached for Corey's face. I was able to touch it just in time. "I love you, Corey." I said as I was lifted out of his arms and onto a gurney. Tears ran in a river down his face. The man took my vital signs and determined that I was stable. Before I could say anything to my sister or to Corey, I was wheeled from the room. I was rushed down the elevator and out the main hotel doors. I sat strapped to the gurney and a sob escaped from my lips as I was put into the back of the ambulance. "It's okay, miss." A woman said next to me, she was getting an I.V. ready. "You're safe now. We're going to get you some help." All I could do was nod and cry all the way to the hospital.
***
"Maddison Rae James, what were you thinking?" Addison was sitting by my hospital bed. It was dark outside now, the sun had set hours ago. I was on a 24 hour suicide watch in the I.C.U at Mercy West Hospital. I had talked to social workers, doctors, and psychiatrists while I sat in my bed with starchy, blankets over me while anti-anxiety drugs ran into my body through an I.V.
