A Lost Soul

Memories and Prophecies

There's no way I'll let my panic win me over. It's Laurel. The greatest part of me is when I am with Laurel.

Everything is buzzing inside my head. I'm replaying my dream. And the song is there too. Wake up, Laurel. Wake up.

But she's not listening.

The first thing I do is feel her pulse. And I do feel her blood running through her veins like nothing wrong ever happened. She's still there. I let myself fall on a nearby chair and I take a deep breath. And I realize what I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen didn't actually happen, so I feel fine. Nothing's happening around me, until Rhea walks over and stands i front of me. I can't even look at her. Her voice is shaking.

"Daniel. Nate will explain everything. There's only one thing I want to ask of you."

What?
No, seriously, what?

"I want to be the one who explains everything to Laurel when she wakes up."
When I speak, I don't recognize my voice. It's so spiteful and venomous. "I never want to see your face next to Laurel's. You are never getting close to her after what happened tonight."

Nate's calm voice interrupts me.
"It's not a choice you can make. It's Laurel's decision."
-"Laurel might not have been here now if not for what this... She (I point at Rhea) made. I would have strangled you, Rhea, if not for all those years I thought I've known you."

Nate's trying to say something, but I come in before he does.
"Laurel's coming with us. I will carry her home."
-"You ought to wait for her to wake up. She's under -many- sleeping pills and might be... Different when she wakes up."
-"How many pills is she on?"

I'm looking at Nate. He lifts up his hand, 3 fingers standing out. I almost choke on myself.
I stand up so fast the chair almost fell behind me. Nate looks right through my eyes, and immediately understands that I'm not changing my mind. "I'll help you", he says, his voice calmer than ever. "I'll carry her myself", I answer.

Rhea is looking at Nate hoping that he insists Laurel stays, but he knows better. That's what I plan to do. And he would never let me down. Even if I was wrong; he would try to persuade me not to do it, but even if I still chose to, he wouldn't let me down. I lift Laurel up carefully and swiftly. Nate's walking in front of me, opening every closed door, making way. Until we get home. Mom and Dad are already sleeping. As I'm climbing up the stairs, I start replaying everything that happened in my head. I'm not done when I get to my room and lay Laurel under the sheets. Nate's now in his room readying the bed. He must know I'm exhausted.

But I want to stay a while here contemplating Laurel's pure and innocent face. My room's now filled with her perfume, and it makes me dizzy with memories. No specific events, but, her smile. Her shiny eyes. Her wavy hair flying in the wind. She's perfect, and now she's in one of the worst states. Betrayed by her bestfriend. That's something we both can't cope with. Betrayal. Something's not that bad in all of this though, and it's that we're both in this together.

A while later, I see Nate standing next to my door. He seems to tell me I should really go to sleep now. So I take my stuff and prepare everything for a long night's sleep, next to Nate, and knowing that Laurel is safe in my room.
I put a bottle of water and a pack of biscuits next to her on the bed table, and kiss her goodnight on her forehead.

Nate's bed is really comfy, and it reminds me of the past, when I was just a child. I've always been the closest to Nate. When I'd have woken up from a horrible nightmare, I wouldn't go to mom and dad's. I'd walk straight into Nate's bedroom, and he'd always welcomed me and offered me the shelter I needed and found under his sheets, next to me. And put aside the fact I'd come when I was afraid. I'd go there too when I was happy, like when it would be raining, and the thunder's really, really loud; we'd stay awake all night talking and playing games. Ethan had Diana, and she had him. They did everything together.
I had Nate.
And now it's raining.

I could just drift slowly to sleep, but Nate's besides me looking right through my eyes. "You're troubled", I tell him. He obviously wasn't expecting that. "It's nothing, Daniel. Just try to get some sleep."
-"I can't. I'm not sleepy."
-"Don't lie to me."
-"I will sleep after you tell me what's on your mind. You've always been there for me without questions. Let me be there for you."
-"I thought you were going to lose it today. I saw something in you, when you looked at Rhea. What you showed was full hatred. But you know you can't hate Rhea. I totally feel you; but when I looked through your eyes, I was afraid for a second. Afraid you won't be the same again. You shouldn't, I know, but you should settle for the best, not the worst. Never forget who you are."

He whispered that last paragraph, but I still heard every single word as clearly as I'm still listening to every single raindrop on the window, and I'm meditating what he said like he just announced a prophecy about me. I nod, slowly. Then I say; "I'll always be who you taught me to be."

I know there's something else. But I can't fight sleep furthermore, so I close my eyes and then everything is dark.

I think I overslept, because Nate's not next to me and his PJ's are hanging on the chair. He usually does that when he doesn't have time to clean everything up before he has to leave the house.

I get out of bed; it takes me a few second to adjust to the daylight, then I remember Laurel who must be awake by now. I open the door and realize the door to my room is still closed, so I deduce she's still sleeping. I reenter the room, take a paper and a pen, and start writing something.
As soon as I'm done, I take it and go to my room. Laurel is still sleeping. I kneel next to the bed and I hold her hand.

But it's cold as ice.

I try to feel her pulse. But the truth that there is no pulse won't kick in. I let the paper fall to the ground and run downstairs to get some help.

" ... And there she comes; prettier than ever. More perfect than anyone I've ever known in my life. More inspiring than any poem I'll ever read or any song I'll ever lose myself in. More peaceful than any breeze going through fallen autumn leaves down the grassy lane. And what makes all of this way more special is that, deep inside, I don't want to win her; she's not a game. I just want to prove that I deserve her. I don't care about taking her behind a car and kissing her under the rain. What I want is far more simple; it happens in my head every night. I can imagine her next to me while i'm stargazing. I can feel her next to me just opening up and proving what an impact such an irrelevant person in such a vast universe can have on another more or less normal human being. But the most painful thing I'll ever feel is when I close my arms around her hoping to hug her but feel them pressing against my bare chest, all alone in my dark lone world. "

~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly all is dark. And I'm back to Nate's room. He's right next to me, sleeping. The rain is still hammering on the walls. It was all just a dream. Everything's back to normal.

Until the door opens, and Laurel comes in. I've never seen her that pale. She's walking heavily and dizzily. "Daniel."

I can barely hear her. I jump out of bed and run to her. "Daniel. I... I'm not feeling well."
Nate opened his eyes, but I barely notice him before she falls in my arms.