A Lost Soul

Actions and Reactions

I'm so lost in my thoughts.
This can't be happening. I must be hallucinating. I sit there on the porch, I decided to wait for Rhea here. And I'll face her when she comes.

A song is playing in my head. And I'm replaying Laurel's last dance with Jasper. The one she offered when they broke up. And I see them dancing. Her arms are around his neck, and his are around her waist.

"Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me anymore ..."

Jasper is fragile. And they both have their eyes closed. I'm not sure if they're avoiding eye contact or they're both in much pain. Or he is, and she's not. They're on a stage; the only light is focused on them. And I'm there, watching. It gets darker.

"Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars shine above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love..."

The light is getting darker. The image is getting blurry. And my world's becoming cold. Suddenly the light is off, I'm freezing, and I can't see Laurel and Jasper anymore.

But the song is still playing.

"I wake up in the morning and I wonder
How everything is the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does..."

Bang. There's a flash of light. And now I'm on the stage with Laurel. She's crying.

"Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye..."

The end. I open my eyes.
And my tears are falling down my cheeks.

I take a deep breath. Nate. I need to call Nate. I take my phone and I call him; he answers in a second. "Daniel?"
-"Nate. I need you to come. Right now."

In just a few seconds, Nate is running out of our house and walking towards Rhea's home. "I'm here", I say.
"So am I."

I tell him the whole story, and I'm breaking down. Nate is angry. I can feel it no matter how hard he's trying to hide it. "You should go home. You need to rest. I'll take care of it."
-"No, Nate. It's my business. I'm not getting out of it."
-"Fine. Then I'm staying."

I already feel better, because I wanted him, I needed him to stay. And now he's going to. He's really my hero. He has always been. "I should call Julian and Sky. They must be worrying like Hell."
-"Give me your phone, I'll tell them. You don't need to go through that story again." I do as he says.

He's walking in circles. But as soon as he's done, he comes back to me. "They're shocked".
"Not as much as I am", I answer.
-"Daniel. It's okay. It's gonna be fine."
-"Is it?" I literally shouted these two words. I didn't mean to. But Nate is still as calm as he was before. "I'm sorry. It's just... I can't take it anymore. Things have been going from bad to worse. And that's more that i can cope with."
-"No, Daniel. That's more than how much you think you can take. Remind me, what creature is drawn on the painting above your bed?"
-"A phoenix."
-"The one above mine is a griffin. Half Lion. Do you know why?"
-"Because it represents you. You're fierce and strong and your family comes first."
-"Yes, exactly. The phoenix represents you. One of the rarest birds the world of mythology has ever seen; and the most beautiful one too. What's happening to you now is supposed to trigger something in you. Something that would make you want to burst into flames; and start anew. Maybe all of this is actually a chance for you to just let go of everything that's holding you back, and start again, as a new person. As a new side of the Daniel we know, a better one actually. And you can do that. You must do that. You're strong, and I'm proud of you. You can fall seven times; but you must stand up eight."

I'm speechless. But I'm pretty sure Nate wasn't expecting an answer of me. All he needs is a reaction. So I take a deep breath, then I'm smiling at him. And the best part of it is that I actually meant this smile.

But then it fades away.
First, all I heard was some noise coming from the house next to Rhea's. Logan's.
Then, while I'm watching her sneaking out of the house, my eyes meet the cold clear eyes of Logan. He gestures at me and I understand that what he's trying to tell me is, "we need to talk."

Then he closes the door. And he locks it. Nate's looking at me. I can feel it. But I turn my gaze back at Rhea. Then she notices me.

Even I, who has known her for 15 reasons now, am not able to read her expression.
I jump right at her. I'm not containing my anger. Not even trying. "WHERE IS LAUREL?" My throat is dry. I'm pretty sure that the next time I shout, I might start coughing blood. So I try to chill. I just try.

-"Daniel. I can explain."
She's calm, but her hands are shaking.
I'm starting to recognize the Rhea I knew. But I don't care about her right now. I'll deal with her later. I need Laurel.
-"You'll explain later. Where is Laurel? I'm not going to ask again."

Nate stands between her and I. I close my eyes, and I try to calm down. Nate is talking.
-"Rhea. Just get Daniel to Laurel. Then we'll talk, you and I, and we'll try to find some common ground. Because right now, you can forget about that with the Daniel standing behind me. I'm telling you, if I weren't his big brother, he might jump on me and strangle me. Just do as I'm saying."

She's looking at the ground.
-"I dissolved some sleeping pills in her drink and told her I was tired. So we decided to sleep early. She's peacefully sleeping up there. In my bed."

No word can explain what's happening inside me. Nate is holding me back. He's trying to calm me down. Rhea's shouting "I'm sorry" and "I don't know what I was thinking" and "I'm so sorry" but these mean nothing to me. I might break her face right here, right now.

Nate's confident voice again.
-"Unlock the door."

She does.
-"Daniel, listen to me. You take care of Laurel. I'll be down here talking with Rhea." Then he holds me by my shoulders. "CONTAIN. YOUR. ANGER."

What happens next is just a mix of Rhea's home with indistinct noises. I'm inside. The next second, I'm climbing the stairs. I'm up in 3 steps. I almost break the door to Rhea's room open. And now I'm kneeling next to Laurel.

Seeing her here, just looking at her peaceful face, and I'm reviving. I'm burning right here on the wooden ground, not caring what I take with me. I'm curled in a ball in between the dancing tongues of fire. The heat doesn't disturb me. Nothing's disturbing me. I'm finding all the inner peace I thought was lost. And now that I'm back to my reality, I realize that Nate was right. It seems like he's always right. That's all I needed in order to find myself again. I'm holding Laurel's hand; but now my head is heavy; so I rest it on the side of the bed and close my eyes for a second.

Everything's black.

I'm slowly drifting on a clear blue sea that has no limits. I look around me. Nothing. Then I realize there's someone else in there. I immediately recognize Laurel. I start screaming her name, but no sound is coming out of my sore throat. So I'm swimming towards her; but as I'm getting closer, a circle of fire appears around me. The flames are shooting high. I'm panicking. The water is starting to boil. But I made my decision. If I'm leaving, I'd rather be taking my chances in getting back to Laurel. So i close my eyes, and start to swim as fast as I can.

-"He's up."
I open my eyes. My vision is blurry, but I can see Rhea's face when I start looking around. Her hand is on my cheek.
My right arm shoots upwards pushing her hand away. "Don't ever presume to touch me again."

Nate's with her. "You've been up there for like, thirty minutes."
-"I fell asleep."
-"Did you talk to Laurel?"
-"No. She was still sleeping when I got here." I realise my left hand is still holding hers. "I should take her home. She'd sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the ground."
-"What are you talking about? There's always one extra space in my double bed. We'll take about that there."
-"Wait. You're taking Laurel with you?"
That was Rhea.
I don't even bother looking at her.
-"I'm not leaving her here for another second. Laurel, wake up."

I'm gently shaking her from the shoulder. Laurel, I whisper. Laurel.

Now I'm seriously shaking her. But it doesn't help.

She's not waking up.