Marcy couldn't believe what she heard. She kept telling herself it wasn't true. It couldn't be. Aubrey was okay. She was fine. Nothing had happened. Marcy would go to sleep that night and wake up to the sound of her best friend's laughter.
Aubrey had always been with Izzy. Marcy still remembered hearing all about their first date. She remembered seeing her best friend begin to morph into a beautiful young woman Marcy remembered watching Aubrey fall in love. True love. Some might have called her and Izzy soul mates. That was the best way to describe what the two shared. Marcy had never seen something so pure. She had never been so jealous. Axl had never loved her. Not like Izzy loved Aubrey. That was all Marcy wanted. To be loved unconditionally.
Aubrey been so alive. In five years a lot could change, Marcy knew that. She'd experienced it firsthand. Duff was like a whole new person. But nobody changed this much. They didn't completely disappear. They didn't cease to exist. Aubrey couldn't just leave. Not without saying goodbye.
It dawned on Marcy she had been nothing but a blip in Aubrey's life. Her last four years had been spent with Izzy, starting a family. Marcy knew she hadn't mattered to Aubrey. Not half as much as Aubrey meant to Marcy. It didn't upset her. Just made her wish she'd spent her time with her best friend more wisely.
Heidi was upset by Marcy's tears. The last thing such a young girl would expect to see after coming inside from playing in the garden was a strange woman crying into her dad's shoulder. She went back outside and picked some flowers for Marcy. They were only dandelions and the stalks were too short so they'd probably die in a day or two but Marcy managed a smile. Heidi was just liker her mom. A people pleaser.
Izzy cried a little too. He didn't let Heidi see, wiping his eyes hastily the moment she came to investigate. It made Marcy's insides twist to see Izzy acting so mature. He really cared about his little girl. Enough to protect her from his own upset.
He ordered pizza for dinner and put Heidi to bed early. She protested avidly but gave up when he promised a bedtime story. They really were like a family. An incomplete family. It was hard to believe only a few years before both of Heidi's parents had been dysfunctional drug addicts.
Marcy was incredibly grateful for Izzy. Had he not been with her when she found out she would've done something dumb. She would have overdosed again. Marcy knew it wouldn't have been an accident this time. She was almost afraid to leave Izzy when the time came. He was good. He understood. Nobody else would.
.
Izzy ran his fingers through Marcy's hair, like he did to Heidi when she couldn't sleep. Marcy was curled up on the couch, her head resting in his lap. Her legs were pulled up to her chest and Izzy had pulled a blanket over her when he'd noticed her begin to shiver. He knew she wasn't cold, just afraid, but the affectionate gesture helped nonetheless.
Marcy felt as though there was a great, gaping hole in her chest. She knew it couldn't possibly compare to anything Izzy felt. Yet there he was. Comforting her. It should've been the other way around. He was hurting the worst after all.
Izzy wound a lock of her hair around his finger. He gave it the slightest little tug for no reason in particular. Aubrey used to like that. He wondered if Marcy did too. She had the urge to snuggle up against him. Given the fact her face was in such close proximity to his crotch, that wasn't such a good idea. Marcy just needed to be close to somebody. Izzy understood that.
Marcy had stopped crying when he turned on the TV. The meaningless sounds took her mind off everything. Aubrey. Marcy wasn't actually watching. There were no shows on, only infomercials because of the time of night. It seemed pointless and stupid. Everything did.
Izzy had turned the volume all the way down. Neither of them could stand the silence. Quiet only reminded them of Aubrey and what she must have been feeling. Nothingness. Oblivion. Something completely unimaginable to the living.
"Do you believe in heaven?" Marcy murmured. She rolled over to look up at Izzy. Her eyes stung whenever she opened them but she was afraid of the dark. He was the only thing that didn't hurt to see. Maybe it because it felt like Marcy was gazing at Aubrey's other half.
The corners of Izzy's lips turned up a little into a small, sad smile. He shook his head. The movement was so small Marcy could barely notice. His thumb rubbed circles on her cheek. A comfortable warmth spread from where their skin touched. He made her feel so normal.
Marcy hadn't been touched like that since she'd been with Axl. And never before had somebody cared as much as Izzy did. It was strange to think Izzy loved her. Marcy was taken aback by how much he cared for her. They had never been close. Even when Aubrey had been around.
Izzy loved a lot of people. Aubrey had taught him how. That's just the type of person she was. Her big heart was contagious.
Marcy hadn't been loved before. Not in a platonic way. It meant so much more than how Axl and Saul loved her. Izzy expected nothing in return but patience and friendship. He didn't want sex or any of that stuff. In fact he couldn't have cared less. Izzy just wanted the company of somebody who had loved Aubrey as much as he had.
"No, I don't," Izzy replied quietly. "I tried but I just can't."
"Neither do I," Marcy found his free hand beneath the blanket and intertwined their fingers. She just needed to feel somebody's touch. Someone who understood. Izzy. "What do you think happened to her?"
Izzy didn't know what he would've done if Marcy had never called. He hadn't had anybody for a long time. It was just him and Heidi against the world. He needed contact. He needed to be touched. Not like Aubrey. Never like Aubrey. Nobody could replace her.
"It'd be nice if she was still around... like a ghost or something," Izzy laughed under his breath. He knew what he was saying was stupid. Of course it was. "I don't know. I used to think I could still feel her, you know? Watching me and Heidi. One day she was just gone though. She wasn't there anymore and I somehow knew it."
Marcy paused a moment, just concentrating on Izzy's touch. He seemed to know what felt most comforting. It was another skill all fathers possessed. She found herself wondering - was this what it was like to be Aubrey? To have this perfect, normal life.
Marcy could barely imagine it. Her best friend with a child. In love with this amazing man who treated her right. Aubrey deserved nothing less. "Do you know why-" Marcy asked, her voice catching in her throat. "Do you know why she did it?"
"Aubrey... she was raped," Izzy looked away, up at the TV. Eye contact felt impossible. "And for a long time she pretended it didn't matter. But she told me one day that she felt like she wasn't living in her own skin. That the man who hurt her... he owned her body. Aub hated herself. She felt dirty and disgusting. For a while it seemed like she was getting better. Heidi made her happy. But then... I don't know. Everyday I told her I love her. I did."
"It isn't your fault." Marcy murmured, squeezing his hand reassuringly. She could hear the blame in his voice. Izzy thought he could've stopped it. But no matter how much he tried, even if he had the ability to rewind time, Izzy would only find himself watching Aubrey die over and over again. Despite how much it hurt, Marcy knew somethings had to happen for the world to keep spinning. That's just the way the universe works.
"I know, I know... It just feels like I should've done something." Izzy looked back down at Marcy. His eyes were clouded and misty. Aubrey had been gone nearly a year now but the wounds she'd left behind still hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before.
Marcy pushed herself into a sitting position. The blanket fell from around her body, sending another wave of shivers over her. "Hey," She could feel the tears begin to overflow again. A groan emerged from between her lips. There was nothing Marcy hated more than crying. "She knew you love her. It had nothing to do with you Izzy."
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Okay so I took forever to update (whoops) because I'm on holiday at the moment. I probably won't be able to update again for a week or so :(
Anyway, I've (almost) finished writing the first chapter for a new story. It's about Slash and Steven when they were kids and a girl (obviously). I'll publish that too when I'm back.
Song: Ain't It Fun by Guns N' Roses
