Frerard 30 Day One Shot Smut Challenge

15. Sweet and Passionate (TRIGGERING)

°°°TRIGGER WARNING°°° (Self Harm)

Frank's P.O.V

My eyes drifted from the blood stain on the wall to my sore, purpling knuckles; my depression was kicking in again. My brain was racing with multiple suicidal thoughts and my arm was aching for self caused pain. I had just smashed my fist onto the wall, tearing my knuckle's skin apart and leaving a red stain on the pearl white ink. "Fuck!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I heard my parents hurry out of the house. My anger issues intensified every now and then and my parents had a packed little suitcase for when those times came. Ironic hum? Ironic how my parents were the first ones to run away from me ever since they learned about my issues. I was used to it though. I was used to sudden pangs of anger by little things. And today was one of those days: my car broke down while I was returning home from school and I had to march all the way here. Then I stabbed my toe into my bed's corner and that's when I punched my bedroom's wall. "Shit" I yelled again, my eyes wondering around my room looking for something sharpy. I spotted a pencil sharpener and I went to grab it. I broke it in pieces and grabbed the tiny, silver blade. Sitting against the stained wall, I digged it into my wrist. A few moments passed and I had five deep cuts adorning my arm. My phone buzzed and I checked it quickly, the name 'Gerard' flashing on the screen. I always answered because he was my boyfriend and I knew he worried about me, but I knew it would be dangerous to have him around while my anger was on full display. My parents had no idea that I was gay, and they made those horrible, disgusting homophobic comments all the time; another reason for my anger issues. I declined the call and went back to work on my arm, the blood dripping slowly down my arm. "Beautiful" I whispered to myself. I loved watching my skin tear apart. It was comforting. And the scar that my actions caused amused me. It amused me how quick human bodies were to close a freshly made wound. I sliced my arm one more time and I heard my phone buzz again, making me jump. I placed my hand on my heart in surprise, the blood that was dripping down my arm soaking the white T-shirt I had on. I cursed silently, declining Gerard's call once again. Tears blurred my vision as I tossed the tiny blade to the ground next to me. "Why do I have to be so messed up?" I asked to myself. More like to my demons. You know, those voices that bug you all day long, whispering how you should be dead? How you should slit your wrists and just end it all? Yeah, those voices are demons. I believe they're born with you; when you are born, they already exist and they live in the back of your head. But when you fall into depression, they move to your brain, taking over it entirely. It takes a lot for them to take over your body, but I was sure mine was taken over already. I gripped my hair tightly and pulled on it with great force, screaming out loud in pain. The blood on my arm was dry by now, leaving it a mess. It was like my arm had been crying; but instead of tears, it was blood. Blood streaming down my arm, creating red dry stripes. Ugly and beautiful at the same time. I got up and placed my forehead on the blood stained wall, placing the palm of my hands on it's cold surface, next to my head. I was sick of living, I was sick of having anger issues. "I'm so done!" I yelled the last word. "Please don't be" I heard a tiny, pleading voice. My head shot from the wall and I looked at my bedroom's open door. There was Gerard's gorgeous self leaning against the doorframe. "Get the hell out of here!" I yelled furiously, my fists clenching. How could he be so calm? I was standing next to a blood stained wall, my hair a mess, my eyes tired, my arm all sliced up with dry blood all over it and my white T-shirt now fucked up with blood also. Two empty beer cans were thrown messily to the ground and my bedroom's environment was heavy due to the evident smoke I just had. "I'm not going to leave you here to die, Frank" he announced, my fists clenching so hard that it's bloody skin teared apart once again. Blood dripped from my right hand's knuckles, but I couldn't care less. "I'm warning you, Gerard. This is dangerous. I am dangerous. So get the fuck out of here before I punch you without even knowing" I growled. I had told him about my anger issues before. And I had told him about how different - how dangerous - I got. But he had never been with me through one of them. Until now. "You're not going to punch me" he smiled. My blood was boiling by Gerard's actions. His smile sent me to the edge and I ran to him, knocking his tall frame over to the ground. I was straddling him and my face was red with rage. I lifted my arm and let my fist collide with his jaw. "What about now?" I yelled into his face. He had a scared expression and I could tell he was trying to keep up with his wishes of helping me. He somehow turned us around and straddled me. His left hand wrapped around my wirst, his right one doing the same thing, and he held my arms up my head. "I'm going to help you, wether you like it or not" he screamed back. I bit my lip hard enough to have blood drip down my chin and he connected our lips. My heart was racing and my demons were out of control. I pulled away and breathed out, my neck vain popping. "They're telling me to do things I don't want to do" I confessed as I chewed on my bloody bottom lip in order to get some sort of pain. "What are they telling you to do, baby?" Gerard asked softly and I closed my eyes. "No!" I screamed out, trying to shut out all those deep voices. "What are they telling you to do?" Gerard shouted, trying to keep me with him. "They're..." I started, unable to finish those horrible words. The grip Gerard had on my wrists was painful and I loved it. I licked my lips, tasting my own blood. "They're telling me to kill you" I whispered, watching the blood drain from Gerard's face. He breathed out in order to calm himself down. "You're not going to do that. No. I'm gonna help you get rid of them" Gerard promised me, trying to gain some courage. But I knew my demons were stronger than Gerard would ever be. My boyfriend got up quickly and started pacing around my dirty bedroom. I got up and was about to walk out the door when I felt him grab my hips and spin me around. "I have to end your pain. I can't stand knowing that you hurt yourself and do nothing about it" Gerard whispered. His face was really close to mine and he licked his lips. "You can do nothing about it. I like the pain" I confessed and Gerard hugged my waist. "You're too beautiful to be hurting" he kissed the corner of my mouth. I was calm by now. The voices had vanished and I wasn't shaking or angry. Whenever my anger episodes finished, I turned into an emotional wreck. Always. And this time wasn't an exception. I fell to my knees and placed my hands over my face, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks. "Frank?" Gerard asked, worriedly. He kneeled in front of me and pulled my body into his. I burried my face into the crook of his neck and started sobbing. "I'm so tired" I sobbed out, digging my nails into my self harmed arm. Gerard had no idea that I was self harming right then and there, while he was holding me. The tears kept falling down my cheeks and onto Gerard's white T-shirt. "What are you tired of, sugar?" I heard him ask softly. I took a deep breath and cleared my sore throat. "I'm tired of living" I whispered, afraid of his reaction. Gerard pulled me off his embrace and looked at my face. I bit my messed up bottom lip and he sighed. "You have to be more positive, Franks. I know exactly how you're feeling. You can get better" he tried to convince me. I nodded and whispered a messy "I'll try" for his sake. I wasn't convinced by his words, but I was aware that he was trying to help me. He looked down between us and looked at my arm. He picked it up and looked at the several cuts. He annalysed them and brushed his thumb along my arm, feeling the teared skin. "You don't deserve this" he let go of my arm and I sighed. His hands found the back of my neck and he pulled me in for a kiss. Our lips connected and he licked my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and he explored every inch of it. It wasn't a dirty kiss, it was a passionate one. I sucked tenderly on his bottom lip and he whimpered slightly. Gerard pulled away and got up, taking me with him. He hugged me and I sighed. We both walked to my bed and I sat at it's end, Gerard standing in front of me. He gripped my blood stained T-shirt and pulled it up, leaving me topless. I went to take his T-shirt off also, but he leaned backwards. I gave him a confused look and he giggled softly. "Today is all about you. None of me" he declared and I blushed. He was really decided on helping me, wasn't he? He kneeled in front of me and traced my 'Hope' tattoo with his index finger. "See? There's still hope for you" he smiled sweetly and I looked down. He placed a hand on my chin, lifting my head up to stare at me. Even kneeling in front of me while I sat down, Gerard was taller. I looked at his eyes and he leaned in, pecking my lips. "And I'm going to show you how you're still alive. You still feel things. Good things. Things worth living for" his words touched me. It was true, I was still able to feel good things. I was able to feel the love he had for me. I was able to feel happy for eating my favorite food, for example. I was still able to feel pleasure. He kissed my forehead and gripped my belt, undoing it. I helped him and pulled my jeans off, leaving me only with my boxers on. He crawled into me and I laid back on my bed. He was hovering over me and his loving eyes were gazing at mine. His hand caressed my cheek and I blushed once again. I could swear that he was the only person who got me blushing. It was ironic how my soul was black, my heart was dark, my body was pale, but he could make my skin turn red. It amazed me. He leaned back and straddled me so that he could take his T-shirt off. He got up for a few seconds and took his jeans off, along with his boxers. I looked at his lenght shortly, trying not to get caught. I had seen it a few times, but it was still shocking. "Today its gonna be without condom. I want you to feel all of me" he smiled, grabbing a tiny bottle of lube. I smiled back and licked my lips. I could see the buldge through my boxers but I knew this one was different. We usually had rough sex, so my buldges were the sign that I needed release. Now this one was a sign that I was desperate for love. It signaled that I was ready to love and to be loved. It was different. He crawled onto the bed and hovered over me like before. "But I'll pull out before cumming, don't worry" he assured me and I giggled softly. He kissed my neck a few times until he found my sweetspot. When I moaned, he focused on that spot of mine. I hugged his torso as he sucked on my neck and whimpered. Gerard pulled away and smiled to the hickey he had just gave me. "You're gorgeous, sugar" he complimented me and I smiled. "Thank you" I whispered, even though I wasn't able to believe what he had just told me. How could he find someone like me gorgeous? Impossible. I pushed that thought to the back of my head and licked my lips. He straddled me once again and opened the bottle of lube, pouring some onto his fingers and smearing it around his naked dick. I moaned at the sight, my boxers unbelievably tight. He whiped his hands on my covers and took my boxers off. I hissed as my cock sprang free and he giggled. He squirted some more lube onto his fingers. "Open you legs, baby" he asked and I obligued. He placed one finger into me while staring at my face. I gripped the sheets as he added two more fingers, scissoring them all around. When I was ready, he took his fingers out. "Okay. Let's go" he smiled at me and positioned himself at my entrance. I grabbed his biceps as he pushed into me. "I love you so much, Frankie" he breathed out and I moaned. He never placed his entire lenght into me due to the fact that he was huge, but now he did. When he was balls-deep into me, I sighed out, relieved. "I'm all in, Frank!" he squealed and I giggled. He was adorable. "It's a bit uncomfortable" I whispered as he moved in and out slowly. "It will get better, baby" Gerard convinced me and I smiled. A few seconds later, my body got used to his lenght and I moaned out. "Move" I pleaded and he did as I asked. He pulled out, only to push back in, slowly. He usually fucked me, slammed into me quickly, but this time was different. We weren't desperate for release, we weren't biting each other roughly, we weren't fucking. We were making love. Gerard grinded his hips into mine, reaching spots he had never reached before. I chocked out his name as he kissed my lips shortly. "Deeper" I whispered and Gerard forced his lenght even deeper into me. My vision went blank and I bit my bottom lip. "Oh my God" I moaned and Gerard groaned along. "I love you" he whispered and I smiled. "I love you too. So much" I whimpered as he kissed my neck. "Am I pleasuring you?" he asked and I placed my hands on his back. "Yes- fuck" I digged my nails onto his back, scratching along his spine. "And is it good?" he whispered, moaning. I wrapped my legs around his hips, grinding up to meet his thrusts. "So good" I squealed as he hit my spot. I screamed out in pleasure as he hit my bundle of nerves repeteadly and closed my eyes. "Cum for me, sugar. Reach you climax for me. I want you to feel really good. You deserve it" he urged me and I cried out. He placed his hand around my shaft and I came. Hot spurts of cum shot out of my dick and landed on both mine and Gerard's stomaches. I screamed as I experienced pure pleasure and he kissed my lips as I did so. My body stopped shaking as pants left my mouth. "Jesus Christ" I breathed out. He thrusted a few more times into me and came, pulling out and making a mess on our already dirty stomaches. He moaned out my name and I watched his face expressions. "You're beautiful" I blurted out and he looked at me tiredly. "You're more" he giggled and collapsed next to me. I whiped our stomaches with the sheets and cuddled up to him. He turned his head around and kissed me lazily. "Did you like it?" he asked me, curiously. "I loved it. I think this was the first time we made love" I blushed and he smiled, nodding in agreement. "And you felt pleasure. See, Frank? Life is worth living. It's shitty, but these little moments are the parts that make it worthy" he whispered and I closed my eyes. The corners of my mouth curled up and I laced our hands together. "I'm starting to believe in you" I squeezed his hand. I opened my eyes and looked at him, annalyzing his face: a purple bruise was forming on his jaw. I gasped as I remembered what had happened earlier. He shot his head to me as he heard my gasp. "What?" he asked, alarmed. "I- I punched you, didn't I?" his alarmed gaze softened and he licked his lips. "Yeah, you did" he smiled slightly, touching his sore jaw. "I'm so sorry, I'm such a horrible person. When I have anger pangs I just get out of control and I-" I rambled on and on, worried. "It's okay, babe. I understand" Gerard cut me off, smiling sweetly and pressing a kiss to my cheek. My tense body relaxed as he cuddled me tighter and I sighed. "I'm really sorry though" I whispered. "I know you are" he answered, kissing me.

Hey peeps. So this chapter is long because it's a subject that I'm kinda familiar with. Not the sex part, but the depression part. I just want you to know that my inbox is open for you all, okay? Just message me and I will reply :) And sorry I took so long... SCHOOL SUCKS
:)