Dagohoy
It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and a new student named Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher began, "Let's review some American history, Class. Who said 'Give me liberty or give me death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Dagohoy's who had his hand up,"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good," said the teacher.
"Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"?Again, no response except from Dagohoy: "Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863," he said.
The teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed, Dagohoy who is new to our country knows more about our history than you do."
She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the Filipinos." "Who said that?" she demanded.Dagohoy put his hand up. "General John Pershing, Manila, 1896."
At that point, Jack, another student says, "I'm going to puke." The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now who said that?" Again Dagohoy answers, "George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister during the state dinner, Tokyo, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Fuck this!!" Dagohoy jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his voice,"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office, 1997!!"
Someone shouts, "You little shit if you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Dagohoy yells, "Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, Washington, D.C., 2001!"
The teacher faints. "I'm outta here!" mutters one student as he sidles to the door. "President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City, December 30,2002!!" Dagohoy responds.
As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, "Oh shit, now we're really in big trouble!"
"Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Baghdad, May 2003!" Dagohoy bellowed.
"Now, I really have to run," Jack mutters, heading for the exit.
"Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!" Dagohoy shouts triumphantly jumping with glee.
Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him, about to give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy. Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, "Hey easy on him. I'M A FILIPINO!"
Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out,
"Fernando Poe, Jr. Manila, January 2004!!!"
Kwentong TNT... Hehehe
DAN TORRES from BICOL, nag TNT sya sa STATES.
Sa Grocery...
Cashier: Visa or Master?
Dan (kinabahan): Hinahanapan ako ng Visa?
(Nagmadali sya. Sumakay sa car, pero low on fuel na pala. Dumaan sya sa gasoline station)
Gas Boy: pay first!
Dan (Nenerbiyos): Patay! PAPERS daw?!
(Tumakbo sya sa second phone booth para tumawag sa bahay)
Operator: AT&T, can I help you?
Dan (Namutla): Alam nila na TNT ako???
(Pinawisan at lumabas sa phone booth)
Kano: Are you done:
Dan : Pati pangalan ko alam nila!
Kano: tourist?
Dan: huh? Pati apelyedo ko alam din?!
Kano: Be cool!
Dan: pati probinsya ko???
HINIMATAY SI DAN (Hehehe.... mag TNT ka pa)
Ano ang Dialogue mo?
Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako sa ganito! Mabuti pa, patayin mo na ako!!! - ELECTRIC FAN
Hala, sige, pagpakasasa ka! Alam ko naman na katawan ko lang ang habol mo!- HIPON
Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, maraming nagagalit! Wala naba talaga akong karapatang magmahal? - GASOLINA
Ginawa ko na ang lahat para sumaya ka! Mahirap ba talagang makuntento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka? - T.V.
Sawang-sawa na ako! Lagi nyo nalang akong pinag papasa-pasahan! - BOLA
Bakit ba ako nalang lagi pinag-iinitan nyo? - TAKORE
Ako na nga ang natapakan, ikaw pa ang galit! - TAE
Bush and Erap
Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
Bush: "Lets help one another..."
Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan..."
Bush: "...let's strive together..."
Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush: "...because in union there is strength."
Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"
Usapang Trabaho
Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya
Father and Son
Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"
