Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

Review Of: Joy Riders

Joy Riders By BernsteinLee

Introduction: 9

 

The introduction is almost everything I look for and try to write myself. It drew me in straight away wondering what was going on and also involved the senses which developed the image I had in my head. It actually made me smile with the one liners and helped keep me interested ‘It was irritating’, I don’t know why but I loved the character you presented and this gave another piece for the setting you were creating.

Characters: 7

The way you explained the characters was great and you mentioned subtly that their dad didn’t live with them so that obviously adds to the depth of the character because it can explain the reasoning behind the characters actions. All the way through with Rick’s point of view you keep the things that he says as quite blunt and all the way to the end you keep me believing in the character. Your characters have strong potential, a little on the appearance would be nice, you can do it gradually, so like when you say ‘I stared at my opponent. She narrowed (her softly shaped green) eyes and glared at me.’ That’s the detail you can add in to help us picture the moment.

Plot: 7

It seems different and intriguing, you’ve left a lot of it open which is what is looked for, for an opening chapter, and because that means you have so many different possibilities. Just make sure you keep it that way with the fast pace that you wrote it at and keep building so that it creates a great impact when something bad happens. Keep going with it because it seems like a new, fresh idea that I haven’t seen before.

Grammar: 5

Simple mistakes with the use of threw when it should be through and the use of speech marks in the right places. I liked the varying sentence structures and it kept me reading so well done. Just remember to go back through and check your work, adding commas where possible and taking them away where needs be so that you have a more precise piece of work. With you fast pace if you were to add more commas then it can have the effect to speed up the writing, longer sentences can do the same thing – you just need to place them carefully.

Page Turner: 8

I wanted to turn the page, so you did your job. Congrats! I’ll be keeping watch on your work to see how it goes, just make sure you keep the depth of the characters and the plot different otherwise it becomes an average story with no link to the beginning. Well done.

Total: 36 – Recommended

W.A.B