Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

Review Of: The Unholy Alliance

The Unholy Alliance By Elfina01

Introduction: 7

The introduction was good. It got me reading but at the same time there wasn’t anything that would have forced me to keep reading. Because I go through so many different books and stories and read so many different introductions I gain an understanding of what to look out for. When reading an introduction I look for something that commands my attention and this didn’t really seem to do it. Don’t get me wrong it was a good introduction just for a personal opinion it didn’t grab me. For your fourth paragraph should have been your first as then you can come out of it as being a flash back to gradually get into the paragraph you used as your introduction. I just think the fourth paragraph holds so much more description and action and shows you off better as a writer.

Characters: 7

I was intrigued by the characters and they were written well, it’s just they lacked personality to me. It may be because it was from an outside view that seemed to switch to his perspective, but I couldn’t help but think that they were lacking the emotions that characters should have. You did get description in of some appearances; I just think that I was getting the same effect as looking at a photograph and having someone describe it to me from your writing rather than feeling actually involved in the scene you had produced.

Plot: 8

The plot was different and definitely had potential, I was a little confused as to what was going on because it seemed to switch narrative perspectives and always what time scale it was in. It seemed to go back in time quite abruptly but written like it was present tense. I don’t know it just confused me a little and I had to read over it slowly to get what was happening. However the story idea you have is good. I really like the fact that you can take it to different places. You can do a lot with this.

Grammar: 9

The grammar was good but some of the basics were a little neglected. For example your use of speech marks and where to place them, just make sure you read over it especially when Aden is talking. Other than that I couldn’t really see anything wrong with your grammar. Your paragraphing was good, sentences made sense and everything seemed to be in order.

Page Turner: 8

There was a big cliff hanger at the end and I think it would have had a greater effect if you’d included the emotions of what the father feels for his son. Because I don’t relate with the characters I find it hard to be drawn in by the cliff hanger at the end. It’s easy to change and at the end of the day it will just improve the writing to have the more detail and description in there. I think you’ve caught your target audience well. You’re definitely an author to watch.

Total: 39 – Recommended

W.A.B