Find me

6.

My back.

It felt like I had been lying on stones.

I opened up my eyes and looked around my room. And in about ten seconds , everything surfaced up to my mind.

My body was drowning in pain. Every part of it. I had no clear memory of anything. But I felt physically and psychologically paralysed just thinking of what happened. I was scared to find out that it was not just a dream. I was scared to confirm that it happened. Tears were quick to appear from the inner corners of my eyes. After a while, I decided to atleast move. Just lying still and crying wasn't gonna change anything.

I could not remember how I was able to get back home.

The second I sat up, I felt the harsh brutality that had been inflicted upon me. Everything just burned. Still, I managed to suffer through the pain on my way to the bathroom. But as soon as I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, I broke down. Every piece of courage I had gathered on my way to the bathroom just disappeared and I slid down the wall of my shower and cried.

As much as I could.

Until I couldn't anymore.

The reality wasn't seeping in but I felt the pain and the harshness. What had I ever done to this person that he would hurt me like that. How could someone hurt another like that.

And why me?

I tried to shower off all the evidence of the beast but I gave up soon. They were engraved into my skin. No matter how hard I scrubbed, the marks stayed. He hadn't held back at all, that animal.

Slowly, my body started remembering similar pain. The long forgotten pain that has, to my surprise, followed me here.

The shadows of those bruises had stayed in my mind even though they had left my skin a long time ago. Now, there were fresh marks. I was astonished at how used to them my body is. I stopped flinching at them in less than an hour. I needed painkillers to fight the pain. And a vulnerability seeped into the corners of my skin. I was thrown back into exactly what I had escaped from.

I cried several times that day and carefully locked all doors of my apartment. I was scared he would come for me again. Little did I know, he was already inside.

When he appeared out of nowhere, my first instinct was to run out but my body wasn't listening to my mind. I felt paralysed. My body and brain went numb on seeing him standing there. Rubbing his head. He was there the whole time. In the other room, I realized.

My adrenaline started working while he seemed to wrap his head around everything. He took a step towards me.

"Don't move. Don't come near me." I yelled at him.

"Hey, lis-"

"No, GET AWAY FROM me." I grabbed a little cane I had in the back of the kitchen door.

"Please, listen to me. Let me-"

"Get AWAY!!" I shouted whilst he seemed to inch towards me slowly and carefully. I aimed my stick at him ready to hit.

"Put that down, please." With that he reached close enough and caught hold of my waist with one hand and my hand with the other.

"NOOOO" I yelled and I kicked his leg. He lost hold of me for a second and that was all I needed to charge at him. I hit his leg as hard as my anger wished and it went straight to his right calf. He grunted in pain.

In the next few seconds, he somehow managed to get back up, throw the cane out of my hand and back me up against the wall with both hands captured.

His face was red and he was breathing fast just like me. "Stop fighting me. I won't hurt you." He said in between breaths. For some reason, I eventually stilled against him.

"I'm not going to hurt you. Are you okay?" He asked.

Okay? Did he even need to ask me that question? Did he not know what he had done?

I was so angry and emotional at the same time that I couldn't speak a word.

"Say something." He urged.

I couldn't anymore. My heart started beating out of my chest. I don't know how many tears he witnessed falling out of my eyes. But I couldn't speak a word. And I realized the extent to which I was scared.

I was scared of him.

Dead scared.

I couldn't look into those eyes. My bones shook against his presence because even though my mind couldn't remember, my body certainly did. Every bruise came alive with a fresher pain. And I just couldn't take it anymore. His grip on my hands sent shock waves down my spine.

He held me in that position until his breath rate came back down and the sixtieth tear had escaped my eye.

"I can't believe what I've done. I know I'm not in a position to even apologize but I have to."

I still couldn't speak. I just wanted his filthy hands away from me.

"Would you ever be able to forgive me?" His voice was so low as if he was another person.

I was able to shake my head no. And he let my hands loose at that.

"Go away." I shrieked lightly.

He just backed off two inches. And that was all I needed to run away and lock myself in my room.

***