Find me

11.

We won the match.

But at the cost of two key players.

Both of them not in a position to go for the Madrid event.

Which screwed up my little vacation. I was supposed to have three days off while the team was away because there was nothing to do as even the B-squad was gone. But because I had been responsible for Neymar before, I had to visit him everyday to report on how he was doing. 

Thomas Vermaelen was admitted to the hospital with a calf injury and two of my colleagues were on duty there for him. So, fate or coincidence, Neymar was my duty. I wasn't the happiest about it but I was glad I had something to fill my time because an empty mind was my enemy. I had Dr. Gabriella Jones go with me the first day. She wasn't much older to me but was Neymar's nutritionist.

He was lying on his bed with the same kind of facial lines on his forehead while his physiotherapist carefully straightened the pronation in his injured leg. It was painful as it was clearly visible on Neymar's face. When he saw me, he seemed quite surprised and a bit uneasy. I didn't know what to say.

I got straight down to work along with his personal physiotherapist and we worked on his lower legs with little machines and tools. His legs were the skinniest pair I'd ever seen and well-shaved. Dr. Jones talked to Neymar for a while telling him stuff about his diet and then had a whole meal plan handed to Neymar's cook who was a nice lady. Neymar was also thoroughly scolded for consuming bad fat.

Anyway, we were done in less than an hour.

 I had just freshly dressed back up Neymar's ankle cut after the session and so my hands were sticky with medicine and a bit of his blood. His wound was sensitive and bled devilishly at the slightest touch which earned us quite a few loud shrieks from Neymar. At one point, he was literally bleeding onto my palm. Eventually, we gave him an SOS painkiller.

 I went to his bathroom without asking and washed off my hands with his expensive handwash. His bathroom seemed as rich as his giant room. Once I came out, I noticed the others were already out and somewhere I didn't know. The lights of his room were slightly dimmed to create a sleeping atmosphere I guessed. I wanted out as soon as possible. But....

"Please stay." I heard his cracky voice at the tip of my ears. I almost thought he was mumbling in his sleep but I witnessed his eyes blinking when I turned. 

"I have to go home. Its finished." I informed him.

"I wanna talk to you." This was slightly out of my comfort zone but I walked over to him. He looked so weak and disturbed, I almost melted. There was no color on his face. His lips were dry and his eyes were a bit reddish from all the crying he must have done. I could tell his breathing was shallow from the rise and fall of his chest. 

"I thought you had no more to say to me."

"I was wrong. I'm not moving on, I feel so bad all of the time. I get restless everytime I see you. I need to fix this."

"You can't fix this."

"I am sorry. So so sorry."

"It won'-"

"I wasn't me. Sometimes it gets a bit difficult for me and I can't really handle that situation and somehow I lose my senses. I never mea-"

"What gets difficult?"

He just stared up at me debating whether to bother to explain to me or not.

"This life." 

"Do you want me to tell you that its alright. Its alright that you raped me. That I'm okay. I've moved on and things like that."

"I don't know. You tell me what do I do?"

"Why did you dig this back up? Its a situation better left alone."

"Please. I can't sleep at night."

It felt right that atleast he felt bad. The fact that he was bothered by his deed was calming to a level. I don't know if I could ever understand his reasons but I was getting closure talking to him. This was new. Apologies were new to me. But I couldn't control that little burst of terror he gave me.

"Please sit down. Talk to me. Tell me what did you do the week you didn't come right after I left your apartment."His hand lightly grabbed onto mine tugging me down. I felt a shockwave going through me from his touch but in a state of frenzy I sat down, right beside him on his bed. I closed my eyes because his hand was still holding mine and my terror built up in me. But he didn't let go.

"Open your eyes. Tell me." He urged. His hand further moved onto to grab my wrist and I felt panic ripple through me like a wave. I wanted to run away but I was paralysed in panic because of his hold. Before I knew it, tiny tears built up in my eyes and grazed their way across my cheeks. I couldn't believe I was crying in front of him.

He wasn't letting go. I wasn't opening my eyes.

A few seconds later, I felt his dry lips on the back of my hand and more tears rushed out. He just gently kissed my hand. It took a lot of time for me to calm down against his touch, to be okay with him holding my arm. But eventually I opened my eyes. He was stubborn enough to keep me in panic until I wasn't anymore. He knew what he was doing. 

"I didn't eat or sleep that week. I couldn't pick myself up." I told him.

"Would you believe me if I say I'm not a monster?"He asked.

"I don't know."

"Why are you crying?" he asked. His eyes were gleaming green and his neck veins were popping out.

"I'm terrified of you." I blurted out and tried jerking his grip off my hand but he was firm and didn't let go. His skinny fingers dipped into my skin softly.

"I don't want you to be scared of me. Calm down and look at me."

I took a breath and matched his gaze. He tugged me further so my body was casting shadows on him.  One loose tear of mine dripped down onto his neck. He brought his other hand to my face and I instantly  squeezed my eyes shut in terror. I felt his thumb across my cheek, wiping it dry. His hand didn't leave my face afterwards. He cupped my whole cheek with it keeping it there. I hadn't had such affection in a long while. It felt weird coming from a deadly stranger.

"You're so pretty, its hard to resist you. You need to be careful. You know that?" He said.

 I couldn't help feeling shy. I looked away once I opened my eyes. 

I had never been in such a situation ever. 

So vulnerable in the cave of the predator.

***