Find me

15.

"Will you please just talk about it?" Neymar asked for the hundredth time whilst waiting for the light to go green. 

"There's nothing to talk about." I said.

"What the hell happened back there? Please tell me because its going to keep bothering me." He gritted. I could clearly tell that he was getting angry about it and he was hitting the wheel with his hands while emphasizing his words.

"You're overreacting." I stated while looking ahead at the immense amount of traffic in front of us.

"For fuck's sake, Mira. PLEASE." He snapped.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. ALRIGHT?" I snapped back, crossing my patience limit.

"Don't you dare lie to me." 

"Who do you think you are? What are you gonna do? You've already done the worst thing you could ever do to me. I'm numb to your threats."

There was a change of atmosphere in the car.

"That's another lie. You're scared of me. You're bloody damn scared OF ME!."

"I'm done with this." I said.

We had finally crossed the light and reached my apartment in a few minutes.

But when he stopped, he didn't unlock the car. So, I prepared myself for a bit more drama. I folded my arms across my chest and sighed.

For a few moments, there was just stillness. 

I was still.

He was still.

The air was still.

The car was still.

Then I caved in.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked in the least rude tone I could possibly go for.

He turned to me and took his sunglasses off.

"I feel responsible for your problems, Mira. Its all my fault and I can't live with it. There's nothing I can do to make it up to you. But I'm willing to do anything to redeem myself. Don't shut me out, please."

I looked into his eyes the next second and I could feel my heart melting away from me. There was so much I could have said and there was so much that I wanted to say.

"Neymar, I can't help hating you." I said with as much softness in my voice as I could deliver.

I knew it would hurt him and I did feel bad but sometimes you just have to say the truth. His eyes went cold and their shine faded away instantly. He kept looking at me as if searching for something.

"Well, would you feel better if I just left you alone? If I back out?" There was a desperate pain in his voice.

I just nodded because I did not have the heart to actually say yes.

"Okay. I won't bother you anymore." He said and put his sunglasses back on. Then, he unlocked the car. I got out of it with a cold current running through me. The second I was out, he drove off.

I watched his car till it was out of sight and I felt really horrible.

For both of us.

I couldn't sleep that night and the next day I went to work with a different anxiety in my mind. I expected him to completely ignore my existence and that's exactly how it was. He didn't talk to me at all. He didn't smile at me or even look my way.

I didn't ask him to do this. I just wanted him out of my personal space. But he was acting this way because he felt hurt. I wanted to make things right but I didn't. I hadn't learnt to tame my ego and so I pretended to move on.