Shot In The Dark.

Terrified. (One-shot)

When you spend 15 years of your life with the same smiling face, the same big blue eyes and the familiar comfort of a reassuring hand, waking up one day with all that gone is terrifying.

It's like waking up in bed in the middle of a thunderstorm, only to realize the four walls of your home sweet home vanished without a trace. 

That's what losing her felt like. 

Losing my best friend was terrifying.

--

"Hey, anorexic bitch," a voice called out from across the hall. 

I stiffened at the insult, not so much flinching at bitch than the word anorexic.

"Freak," somebody muttered as I passed by them. 

I held my head a little higher, ignoring the string of indecent words whispered as I passed.

Quickening my pace, I set out for my first class -homeroom. 

I entered the room, expecting to find comfort in hearing the familiar laugh of my best friend, Carrie, even before I laid eyes on her. 

Carrie was that kind of person. She laughed at the smallest things, and when she laughed, she laughed almost endlessly. Once it took me almost 30 minutes to get her to stop laughing over a silly knock-knock joke. A knock-knock joke, for pete's sake.

But I loved Carrie, endless laughing and all. She was a crazy nut, that one. She could brighten up your day in an instant, make you forget all your worries with a simple hug. There were times when Carrie's jokes became insulting, but she was conscious and she was quick to ask forgiveness. Everyone loved her, actually. They didn't even mind that I was her best friend. 

Yet I knew the person Carrie hid underneath. She laughed when she was hurt, plastered a smile when inside she was breaking into pieces. It was her defence mechanism, it was her way of coping. I knew her well enough to tell that sometimes, she wasn't crying because she was laughing too hard. 

I thought I knew her.

On that particularly gloomy Thursday when my life fell apart, I didn't hear her laughter echoing the room. I was instead greeted by silence, a few bored looks thrown my way.

I frowned, wondering why Carrie hadn't texted that she was calling in sick. I reassured myself with the thought that maybe she was too sick to text, or maybe she was just running late.

 I didn't worry when she wasn't in my third period class, Maths, her favourite subject. I began worrying when fifth period came and the seat next to me was empty, with my phone not buzzing once the whole day. I panicked when lunch came and she didn't call. 

It was stupid of me, and irresponsible, to depend on my best friend for something so simple as eating. But that was that, and it's been that way for years now. She knew how difficult it was for me. So my battle with anorexia was not a battle I fought alone, but with Carrie by my side. 

And damn, having someone by your side through all that? It made you feel like anything was possible, like you didn't have to always be alone, and that maybe one day you'd be strong enough and you'll be okay. That maybe one day, you'll learn to love yourself.

But what happens when her own battles took her?

I was beginning to grow more and more worried, so with ten minutes of lunch break to spare, I headed to the park in front of our school. It was a cloudy day, the air gently blowing the trees, flowers blooming and birds chirping. It smelt and looked like spring.