Shot In The Dark.

wrong. (one-shot)

as i sat there on that cold January day, breathing in the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass, i realised how precarious my life was. i realised how much my future present and past lay within the grasp of your hands, how much trust i put in you to be careful with my parts.

and then one day it came crashing, and one day it all fell. one day i woke up, and suddenly you weren't there. then the next few nights were filled with sweat-drenched nightmares and voices telling me i was not good enough for you to stay.

so as i sat there with the sun setting into the horizon and the birds flying off into the distance, i came to acknowledge that you were - always have been and always will be - a flight risk.

it took you a year and a half, yes. i know that for sure. i know it wasn't simple, the leaving, but it was much easier to leave. i know you grew tired, i know things were not going your way. so many things that i do know, but the simple answer to the simple question "why?" is something i must go without.

i sat there with families beginning to leave and street lights flickering on, and i wondered just how unworthy can someone be, just how much did i fail you.

i thought to myself i must have went wrong somewhere, but i said "it couldn't have been that bad"

and i felt warmth trailing down my cheeks, because these questions have kept me awake for weeks.

i sit there and the stars begin to twinkle, and i remember what you once said. that the stars may shine bright and the moon may glow effervescent, but my beauty would transcend - i laughed and you smirked, but sincerity with no end i thought i saw in your eyes.

suddenly i remember, all our inside jokes in December. even as i silently spiraled down and you had not a single clue, we would laugh and smile and laugh until we cried. 

so i sat there and wondered, over-thought. 

where where where did i go wrong

because i loved you, Finn. i still do, even after what you put me through.

so as i began to stand and as i see that i am the only person left, i gently place a single white flower on your grave.

i didn't know what else to do, didn't know what i could say. at least not coherently. so you could say, that with that single white flower, is everything i've felt and thought from every single day.

from the day you walked away with no reason, to the day of the 4 AM call telling me your body has gone cold.

i'm sorry Finn.

i'm sorry.

tell me, where did i go wrong?

--

Author's Note: i'm annoyed at myself bc i wanted to write something sob-worthy but lol this is barely that and also i am 'bitin' with this but hi :)