I met you on a fine October day. It was the 10th of October, I remember. The sky was just turning a shade of red and the wind was cool on my warm skin. I was sitting at the part of the park I loved the most, a worn-out patch of grass under the shade of a tall tree, hugging my legs towards me. Children were running around and laughing, oblivious to anything else. So carefree, so happy. I remember wishing that I could be as happy as them. I didn’t know that only a few moments from then, my life would be changed completely.
At the distance I saw a golden blur. The blur seemed to be growing clearer and much nearer to me. I squinted my eyes to see clearly, but my eyesight failed me. When the blur was close to me, I realised it was your dog. She lay down next to me and closed her eyes. I crossed my legs and started to stroke her fur. You arrived shortly after, panting and tired from chasing her around.
You were beautiful. The moment I saw you, I knew you were something. You had on a red hoodie that advertised my favorite band and your brown hair and the sunlight made your hazel eyes look almost gold. You laughed when you saw your dog with me.
“My dog has an attraction to beautiful strangers,” you said.
I laughed and told you, “Maybe your dog can’t see very well.”
You laughed and shook your head. Then you extended your hand.
“I’m Adam; it’s nice to meet you.”
“Elle, nice to meet you too,” I shook your hand. It was warm in my own, and your grip was firm. I always thought it was cliché when people said they felt electricity whenever they touched someone, but at that moment I didn’t mind being as cliché as I could get.
You then sat down next to me, legs crossed and gazing at the children.
“You know Elle, sometimes I wish I could be a child again. It was much easier back then.”
I looked at you, and you looked at me. You smiled. It was a sad smile, though. At that moment, I realised you were unhappy.
And so we talked. We talked until the stars began to shine, and all the children went home with their parents. I found out that you were in your senior year of college. You lived with your parents and your younger brother. Your mother was neck-deep in debt, your father was abusive and your brother was on drugs.
You found out that I was in my sophomore year of college, that I lived with my mother, who was a different person ever since the death of my father. I told you I self-harmed, and I found out that you were going to kill yourself that day. You were about to leave your dog in the park, and then you found me.
And so we talked until I cried on the shoulders of a stranger who did not feel much like a stranger to me. And you held in your arms a stranger who was just as broken as you were, and you didn’t know it, but you changed that stranger’s life.
After that day, I spent every waking moment I had thinking of you. Even when I was asleep, I dreamt of you. I found myself finding happiness again. It was so long since I last felt like that. You made me feel complete. Cliché, I know. But it was true. You did change my life. And I was thankful that I had you. That I had someone to love, and someone to love me back.
Two years passed, Adam. You suddenly changed my life again.
I thought you were happy. I really thought you were. But yet, like you said the first day we met, “happiness to me is only a vacation. It’s a holiday, and after you go on a holiday, you always gotta get back home.”
I know what you meant when you said home. Home to you, home to us, was the sadness we knew, the sadness we so freely accepted.
And so, my dear Adam, on the 27th of August you took your life. I’ve imagined your death so many times, I feel like I was really there when it happened. Alas, my dear, I was.
You took the pills. Painless. Pills plus the alcohol. It must have been bliss. Then you called me. You called me, and you talked to me until you fell. I thought you fell asleep, because that’s what always happens to one of us during our late night conversations. Oh, how wrong I was.
You did not fall asleep. You fell into your death. Your last words still ring in my ears. They follow me wherever I go, everywhere my messed up life takes.
“Elle, I love you so much. Remember me, okay? Remember this stupid boy that loves you, always.”
Adam, you stupid boy. I also loved you so much. I loved you so, so much. You meant to me what the sky meant to the stars, what the earth meant to the trees. Did you not understand?
And so tonight Adam, it is October 10th. Two months, Adam. I cannot do this anymore. I am sitting at the spot where we met. The stars are out. It’s a beautiful night. On my lap I hold this paper and this pen. And beside me, empty bottles of alcohol. And the pills. Empty. All gone, just like you.
Adam, you meant so much to me. Adam, I love you. Adam, I miss you. Adam, I can’t wait to see you. Adam, just a few more seconds. Adam, always.
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A/N: Ahhh, so this is my first one-shot. I'm not really good at one-shots because I find difficult to put ideas in something so short. Well actually, I'm just not really good at writing. Constructive criticism highly appreciated folks! :)
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YOU ARE READING
Shot In The Dark.
Kısa Hikaye"and maybe in the end, you'll be another memory, you'll be nothing but a story to tell."