Chim - Keep Holding On

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

(Flashbacks in italics)

Cheryl poured herself yet another vodka from the mini bar in her plush LA hotel room. This is what she’d been doing every night for the past four weeks since that dreaded day. But no matter how much she drank, she could never get rid of the pain. She would just think over everything in her mind, crying until she fell asleep.

She couldn’t get the picture out of her head of Kimberley’s face when she’d told her she didn’t love her. It had killed Cheryl to say that, and still to this day she had no idea how she’d managed to do it. She didn’t know how she had stopped herself from crying throughout the whole thing; she hated all the words that had come out of her mouth, and she couldn’t stand the fact that she had hurt Kimberley so badly. The second she’d stepped out of Kimberley’s flat she’d burst into tears, and lingered for a moment outside the door, listening to Kimberley’s heartbreaking sobs. She’d ran to her car and sent Nadine a quick text, begging her to go to Kimberley so she wouldn’t be alone. She’d driven around for ages, trying to pull herself together, but to no avail. As soon as she had got home she had to run to the bathroom to be sick. She rang Hillary an hour later asking her to put her on a flight to LA first thing in the morning, so she could work on promotion, with the aim of it taking her mind off her woes.

But that hadn’t worked either. Cheryl had been working all day every day in LA, but never went more than ten minutes without thinking about Kimberley. Her heart felt heavy, as if it was sinking within herself. For the first two days she’d received many texts from Kimberley, begging her to take her back. She never replied to any of them, and rejected all her calls.

But now every night she would stay up late, staring at her phone, secretly hoping Kimberley would call, even though she had no idea what she would do if she did. But Kimberley never did call or text after those initial two days.

The thought that she might never see Kimberley again terrified her to death, her stomach churned every time it went through her mind. She had to keep reminding herself why she had done it, and resist the temptation of calling her. She wondered if maybe Kimberley had already moved on. She wanted her to be happy, but the thought of her with somebody else only made her cry harder.

She was glad Hillary hadn’t asked for any details as to what had happened. When she asked on the plane to LA if Cheryl had decided what she wanted to do about it, Cheryl had simply muttered something to her about it not being a problem now. She was pretty sure Hillary knew she was only in America for one reason; to be distracted. The tricky part was putting on smiles in interviews and appearances, trying to make it look like she was the happiest girl alive.

She’d thought about texting one of the girls to see how Kimberley was doing, but always chickened out. She knew she probably wasn’t their favourite person right now; she could only imagine how Nadine would react, especially after she’d had that ‘chat’ with Cheryl, where she’d practically warned her not to hurt Kimberley.

Cheryl had thought she’d experienced severe heartbreak when she’d split from Ashley, but that was nothing in comparison to this. She’d got better as more time went by, but this time she felt like she was getting worse each day. She missed Kimberley beyond belief, every morning she’d wake up, hoping it had all been a bad dream.

She made her way out to the balcony for a cigarette, taking her drink and mobile phone with her. Thankfully her balcony was private, and no paps were able to take any pictures. She sat down at the small wooden table before lighting up her cigarette and staring into the dark sky, wondering what Kimberley was doing at this very moment. She gulped down half of her drink and proceeded to smoke deeply, trying to ease the tension inside her. She put her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small object. It was Kimberley’s lipstick. Cheryl had obviously missed it when she’d gathered all of Kimberley’s belongings up in a box. She’d found it in the bathroom when she’d got home, the night before flying to LA, and for some reason took it with her. Since then she kept it with her at all times, as though it was a bit of Kimberley that she could still physically touch. She curled her fingers around it and squeezed it tightly, unable to stop her mind from thinking over a particular memory.

“Cheryl! We’re going to be late, we need to leave now!” Kimberley moaned while she stood in front of the mirror, trying to put her lipstick on, only to be distracted by Cheryl’s hands wrapping around her while she started kissing her neck.

“It will be fine, besides, Sarah’s hardly in a position to criticise – she’s always late!” Cheryl giggled between kisses.

“Yes, but I’m not!” Kimberley removed Cheryl’s hands from her waist as she leant towards the mirror again.

Cheryl pouted at Kimberley through the mirror before a mischievous glint appeared in her eye. She waited until Kimberley raised the lipstick to her lips again before nudging her arm forcefully, causing Kimberley to smudge her lipstick all across her cheek.

“Cheryl!” Kimberley shrieked, glaring at her through the mirror. She reached for the make-up wipes, but Cheryl had already grabbed them and run out of the bathroom.

“You’re not funny, Cheryl!” Kimberley wined as she walked into the bedroom to find Cheryl standing at the foot of the bed with a huge grin on her face, waving the make-up wipes at Kimberley.

“You can have these back on one condition...” Cheryl smirked.

“And what would that be?”

Cheryl shrugged innocently. “Kiss me.”

Cheryl could tell Kimberley was trying not to smile as she got closer to her. The second she felt Kimberley’s lips on her own, she wrapped her arms tightly around her, pulling her closer. She ran her tongue along Kimberley’s lip, to which Kimberley opened her mouth, letting their tongues meet. Her hands found their way up the back of Kimberley’s top, tracing up and down her soft skin before resting on her bum, pulling her hips roughly against her own.

“That wasn’t so bad, now was it?!” Cheryl raised her eyebrow at Kimberley who was looking a little flustered. She held out the make-up wipes to her. “Here you go, we don’t want to be late...”

Kimberley took the packet from her and threw it over her shoulder. “Screw it, we’re already late, may as well make the most of it!” She pushed Cheryl towards the bed, ripping her clothes off her as she went.

Cheryl closed her eyes at the memory as more tears fell. She hated herself for thinking about things like this, it was like she was slowly torturing herself, she didn’t know how much more of it she could take. She finished off her drink and lit another cigarette, trying desperately to shake all thoughts from her head. How would she ever get over her? She couldn’t stop thinking about her, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to either. She felt that she deserved to feel like this – she’d put Kimberley through hell. She knew there was no way she could stop loving her, she could only hope that in time she’ll find a way of dealing with it.

She jumped when her phone beeped, and made a grab for it. Her heart was in her mouth as she checked to see who the message was from. Disappointment flooded through her when she discovered it was just an email from her lawyer. She scanned it quickly and put her hand to her head when she realised what the message was about; Ashley was going to get the house. She was going to lose the place in her life that held such vivid memories of her time with Kimberley. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Apparently she would be given six months to find a new house once the divorce was finalised. Her lawyer went on to explain that she could pay a large sum of money if she was desperate to keep the house, which she immediately thought she would do, until she realised that maybe she should take this as a sign...perhaps this was a good way of trying to move on, to make a fresh start elsewhere, and put everything behind her. But she just couldn’t be optimistic at the moment – all she wanted was Kimberley.