PUNS!

Puns: Part One

WARNING! CONTAINS ENOUGH PUNS TO KILL TIME!

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? An utter failure
What do you call a ring that cleans itself? The Ring of Shower
What do you call a group of gangster nerds? The Fellowship of the Bling
I hate Batman villains. They're a real Bane in the ass
I don't know where these puns Arkhaming from
Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate kids?
What does a pirate day on his eighty birthday? Aye matey
What do you call the container you need, but not the one you deserve? Batcan
What does Green Arrow do when he leaves? Olie Out
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Daisy
Daisy who?
DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN
What's the difference between a piano and tuna? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved
Did you sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did
Don't talk about my puns like that! Quit being such a beach
A man entered a local pun contest. He entered ten puns hoping one would win. But unfortunately, *puts on sunglasses* no pun in ten did
If you ever get cold just stand in a corner. They're usually about 90°
A man threw milk at me yesterday. How dairy!
I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, but graphing is where I draw the line
Simba was walking too slow. So I told him to Mufasa
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten tickles
What do the ninja turtles post on Instagram? Shellfies
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means? You matter
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking
The invention of the broom truly swept the nation
The invention of the wheel really got things rolling though
The second Harry Potter movie really petrified me
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got for christmas? He felt his presents
What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm
What do you call a sleeping pie? A pizzzzza
What's the best singing computer? A dell
The shoe said to the hat "You go on ahead, I'll follow on foot."
Potato puns are apeeling
What do you call a fear of Santa? Claustrophobia
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands
I love that joke because it never gets old
What's the difference between the sun and a loaf of bread? One rises in the east, the others rises in the yeast
I took the airline to court over some missing luggage. I lost the case
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"? It hasn't come out yet
What did Barack Obama say when he proposed? I don't wanna be Obama self
What do you call a mound of cats? A meowntain
My grandpa has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo

-The Pun King