Fear

How to cope with tears

Notes:

Yep... chapter two, not even 12 hours after one.

Expect updates around weekends, maybe during weekdays, I'm not sure.

I wrote chapter two. It's a bit shorter (sorry) but I promise chapters will be longer.

As the prince urged the horse forward, you felt a bit unsure of where to put your hands. At last you were forced to rest your arms around Loki's waist, otherwise you would've fallen off the horse. You were pretty confused and filled up with feelings. You were afraid, very afraid, of what would happen, you were happy you weren't dead, you were sad because your entire family, all your friends and Jele and his family were all dead, you were confused by the prince's behavior and you were, last but not least, tired. The sun started to set as you rode away from your old life and home, of which nothing was left. You knew the king's army; they would not rest until they had killed every single habitant of the village.

Loki tugged at the reins and the horse turned, rounding a hill. You gasped at the sight. There was a village, in a comfortable place between three hills. On the hill that lay the furthest away from you was an enormous palace. The palace's walls shone gold in the light of the setting sun and you felt your heart pump twice as fast.

The prince laughed, a short, low laugh that you felt you would hear a thousand times without growing tired of. You didn't understand it, but you loved this man's voice. It was passionate and reassuring but still dangerous and mischievous, like he always knew something more. Combined with his beauty it made him kind of irresistible.

That was the problem. This man had killed so many of your friends, done so many evil things, for you had heard about them, and seemed so downright evil, but still you felt like you trusted him.

He had slowed the pace and the horse was now walking towards the village. You let go of his waist and then wondered where you should put your hands. Not until now did you realized what a problem Jele must have had when you rode, since he couldn't ride horses half as good as you. He was always forced to sit behind you, but he never had his hands around you. You wondered how he had coped, and then you placed your hands on your knees. It felt uncomfortable, but it would be awkward to put your hands back around the prince's belly, so you let it be.

"How are you?", Loki asked. You stiffened at the sound of his voice, so low and careful.

"I... I'm all right, your majesty", you answered. It felt weird, speaking to him like that, but he was indeed a royalty. The prince laughed.

"You need not use such formal words around me. For you, I am simply Loki", he said.

For you, he said. You felt a shiver down your spine, but then remembered he had probably used those words thousands of times before. The tales about Loki and how he seduced any woman, how he used her and then disposed her like a broken toy, were told as often as possible in your village. Being seduced by Loki was the same as applying to die according to the elders of the village. You frowned at his voice begging for an answer. You were not going to give in to his games.

"I understand, my prince", you said.

Another short laugh.

"Do you want to ride through or around the village?"

"Does it matter, my prince?"

"The eyes of the villagers are many and curious, dear. Would you like to avoid them?"

"Oh... you choose, my-"

"Loki", he sighed. He turned the horse and made it walk towards the hill to the left of the village, which happened to be the lowest one.

You were frozen to the spot. Even though you had, moments ago, agreed not to let Loki seduce you, his words came like fists to your determination. Dear.

You were deep into a discussion between your heart, which wanted to let Loki do whatever he wanted to you, and your brain, which kept assuring you that your heart's idea was stupid. You frowned when you realized that your hands had crept up and sneaked themselves around Loki again.

'So my body acts by itself'.

The horse reached the top of the hill, and the view earned another gasp from you. Behind the hills was the sea. The sea. You had never seen it, living far into the land. The prince chuckled at your gasp.

"Would you like to go to the beach?", he asked, seemingly amused by your admiration for the water.

You quickly accepted his offer, and he turned the horse to walk down the slope instead of along the top of the hill. When you reached the water, he halted the horse and swung his leg over to glide down. You clumsily did the same, but luckily Loki didn't notice. He was watching the sun set over the water that gleamed in the light and shone gold and orange. It was so beautiful.

"Have you ever seen the water, my lady?", he asked.

Your response halted somewhere in the middle of your throat. Did he just call you his lady? Once again, doubt and fear filled your body and you felt sick. The prince turned around when you didn't answer and his facial expression changed quicker that you blinked. At the sight of your face, he suddenly looked angry. He closed his eyes and looked like he was silently raging. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with concern again.

-          What is it? He asked. You had a feeling he knew, but still...

You felt a clump in your throat and tears started filling your eyes. Loki quickly walked over to you and took hold of your shoulders.

"I would never do that. Will you trust me?"

You weren't even sure he was talking about the same thing as you, but you nodded.

He looked into your eyes for a long moment, and then he just took you in his arms, holding you tightly. You let him do so, neither protesting nor answering the move, silently crying into his chest for the second time today. He whispered reassuring words in your ears, words you didn't hear over the sound of the waves hitting the shore, words you didn't understand because of your brain's feverish tries to get you to understand that this was bad. You didn't understand why it was bad.

"Listen to me", Loki said.

You just cried on, not in any way showing that you'd heard him.

"You will be my guest at the palace, and I will treat you thereafter. If anyone finds out that you are supposed to be dead, I will be severely punished. I'm willing to take that risk, for you."

"I don't want to live", you sobbed into Loki's chest. He held you tighter and sighed into your ear.

"You're just like your mother, did you know that?"

You froze. Had he just said that? What did he mean?

You pushed him away, feeling simply scared. You took a few steps backwards, but his eyes were locked to yours and kept you from running.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I did not- I'm sorry!"

Loki's voice was filled with panic. He tried to take a few steps towards you but you backed away from him, fear filling you up.

"It's not what you think", Loki whispered.

"Then what is it?" You were surprised your voice was so steady and fierce when you felt like your insides had melted.

"My father was your mother's best friend. They spent so much time together, and when I was young she came to the palace, invited by my father. She was pregnant, with you. I was so young, but I remember her beauty. My father was raging. He had the man who made you-your father- and... had him killed. Since then, I've never seen your mother at the palace. Today, I was allowed to lead the soldiers to complete victory, but when I saw you..."

Your tears fell in silence. You stood there and watched Loki, the man you feared, tell such a story. He can't be much older than you. A few years, maybe... Loki continued, now with a slight smile.

"I think my heart stopped when I saw you."