Fear

Hurt

(Little warning: seeeex)

You looked up when you heard footsteps and saw Loki walking towards you, a smile playing on his thin lips. Smiling back, you closed the book and got up from the armchair in front of the fire to greet him with a hug. He smirked and kissed you lightly, "What do you want to do?"

You shrugged. The last days had been rather calm, but Loki had kept you entertained with various activities. Now you were enjoying a good book and some time alone, but apparently Loki had other plans.

"I don't know," you said and wriggled out of his embrace. He frowned.

"Is something wrong?" he asked. You shrugged, a small lump of guilt forming in the pit of your stomach. He looked sincerely hurt and you realized it was because you didn't want to be in his arms today.

"I just need some time alone, I think." you confessed and glanced at the book. Deep inside, you knew you yearned to get out of the palace, get some fresh air and time for yourself. Everything you did nowadays had something to do with Loki, and you loved him but it had become too much.

"I'll be back by dusk," you said after glancing out through the window. A few hours would hopefully be enough... You were already wearing trousers and a shirt since you and Loki had gone riding earlier, so you only pulled on a warmer coat before kissing Loki goodbye and leaving him standing in the middle of the room. Feeling his gaze burn into your neck, you opened the door and walked out.

The lump in your stomach only grew when you reached the stables and begged a servant to prepare a horse for you. A few minutes later, you were galloping over the hill towards the beach. Skidding to a halt, you slid off the horse and patted its neck before crouching by the water. It was calm today, but small waves still rolled in towards you and licked the toes of your boots gently before falling back. The salty smell of sea filled you and you closed your eyes for a moment to savor the peace and calm. Then you got an idea...

It was trespassing, of course, and wrong in every way, but... You doubted Loki would be mad, and it was Loki's cabin, wasn't it? And you were just going to peek in...wasn't the door unlocked last time? And didn't Loki leave it unlocked? The lump turned into butterflies fluttering around in your stomach as you walked back to the horse and swung yourself up into the saddle. Steering the horse up the hills, you smiled in excitement.

When you reached the cabin, your cheeks were flushed with cold and your fingers stiff. You jumped off your horse and felt the door. It was open. Smiling, you pushed it open and stepped in. The cabin was comfortingly warm after the cold of the wind by the cliffs, and a stale smell filled your nostrils when you took a deep breath. You wondered if your horse would run away but doubted it, since the horses of the palace stables were incredibly well trained. You and Loki always left the horses standing and they never moved. You sat down on one of the beds and hugged yourself to regain some warmth while remembering the last time you were here. You had been so afraid of Loki, and now you shared his bed every night, craved his presence whenever he was gone.

You shook your head. You went here to get time without Loki, and here you were thinking of him. He was stuck in your head. You laid down on the bed and realized it was much more comfortable than it looked. Closing your eyes, you tried to imagine what life was like just a few months ago, before Loki.

You would've woken up in your own bed, smiled and looked out through the window to see the busy streets of your village. Perhaps a few children were playing while shopkeepers ushered stray dogs from their doors. Before you moved your sister would have come running in, shouting about playing with her friends, and you would surely have gone with her and Jele would've found you under a tree, playing hide-and-seek. You would have smiled and gone with Jele while the children smirked and whispered about all the things you and Jele were not going to do, for hours later your mother would walk in on you and Jele in the bookstore, noses buried in new volumes that the shopkeeper let you read. You would've gone home and cooked, served the food just as your stepfather walked in through the door after a day of hard work. He would have kissed your mother, then ruffled your sister's hair and patted your shoulder before sitting down and tasting your cooking, which he always praised. Then, you would've gone to bed and buried your nose in the book you brought from the store, and every time your mother checked on you, you would pretend to sleep.